/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

Discuss the world's funniest female comedienne, Ashley Jones.


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No.16739 [Open]
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!
11 replies and 6 files omitted. View the full thread
No.16803
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>>16797
House Of The Rising Cum, Funny stuff  Maybe we can get Eric Burdon and The Animals to sing your version. Sure to be a hit.
No.16816 
>>16797
We need to say this as a prayer everyday, lord ashley
No.16856
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Buona Befana
No.17001 
>make new years resolution
>never shit in a public bathroom ever again
>goes good for first few days
>start getting nervous about maintaining goal
>anxiety gives me IBS
>trying to hold in shit during my 8 hour shift
>farts keep slipping their way out on accident
>sweating bullets now
>flexing ass muscles so much to keep shit in that my ass looks like 1980s peak Arnold Schwarzenegger
>shit reabsorbs into my body
>shit stress goes away for another few hours
>now I have a nice muscley ass
Happy new year bros
Replies: >>17024
No.17024 
>>17001
>trying to hold in shit during my 8 hour shift
dude u need to harness the power of your IBS and get out all your shit before your 8 hr shit, i mean shift
No.8308 [Open]
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Ash, as promised, an erotic short story about you.

            THE ENCOUNTER

I came home and took a shower and dried myself off. It was warm in the house so I didn't bother getting dressed.I laid down on the bed. A short time later I heard a cute little voice say, "Hi". I recognized the voice and looked up and it was her. I reached for a blanket to cover myself but she said, "Don't cover yourself on my account." She sat on the edge of the bed and removed her black ankle length boots.

She stood up and removed her tee shirt revealing the most impecably small perfect breasts that emphasized her perfect little pink nipples. I began to feel a tingle you know where. She turned away from me. She began to slowly remove her jeans and gave a few wiggles with her cute little butt. She turned facing me revealing the most faultless camel toe pushing against her white cotton panties. She began to remove her panties but I told her to cease and desist since I wanted to savor the view of that enchanting little camel toe. She gave me that look, the patented smirk that only she can pull off. After about a half minute I relinquished and she slowly removed her panties revealing her "happy trail" as she called it which started at her mons veneris and ended at a perfectly manicured vulva. I became hard as dimonds. 

She threw her panties at me and I caught them and pressed it close to my face. Her panties were warm from her body heat as if the panties were just ironed. The scent was a treat for my olfactory glands. The scent was like fresh strawberries with just the slightest hint of musk. 

She walked towards me with the over exagerated walk and facial glare of an anorexic runway model. She was toying with me and I was willing to play.

She got on the bed looking at me seductively and sat on my stiff horizontal member. She began sliding her little butt back and forth and sometimes bending forward to stimulate her clitoris all the time staring at me like the seductive little imp that she is. Involuntarily my seed sprayed over my face and chest while she and I gave out a mutual orgasmic moan.

She bent forward to lick and clean my chest and face and I noticed a cute little blue hair ribbon that she was wearing to tie  tie up her little pony tail that she is famous for.
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Replies: >>17014 + 8 earlier
No.9409 
>>9389
>>9397
maybe thats what alien anons encounter was like when they took him.
Lots of probing, poking and prodding.
Replies: >>9553
No.9431 
>>9389
>So are you guys just gonna stand there or are you gonna help me continue humping the shit out of my mom's pillow?
No.9553
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>>9409
Like in the case of Whitley Strieber?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10y6wIKIRTM
No.17014 
>>8308 (OP) 
BTW, SeaBee, I didn't know you wrote stories before. Nice! I'm new in this neck of the woods and I stumbled upon your stories by chance. Good job, sir.
Replies: >>17017
No.17017
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>>17014
Yeah, I've written a few stories about Ashley and I. I'm glad you enjoyed them. I haven't written one in a while the latest being Casablanca. I enjoyed your story about Ashley being the singer and I'm looking forward to part 2 of your latest story.

I figured you were new here by the name you're using. Welcome aboard.
No.4319 [Open]
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Happy New Year, Ash and Ashlings.
3 replies and 2 files omitted. View the full thread
No.4325 
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
No.4327 
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!!!
No.4331 
2022 has been nothing but a constant struggle for me. The only good thing to come out of it was Ashley and my kittens.

I had two dreams about Ashley last night.

I woke up in a bed in a dark room and there was someone in the bed with me. So I turn the light on my phone and it was Ashley sleeping next to me. Then I heard a noise. So I try to wake Ashley up but she won't get up. I get out of bed and went towards the bedroom door to open it and I was in this house with an open plan where the kitchen, living room and dining room where all the same room. All the lights were turned on. The TV was on and the dishwasher was running because I could hear it humming. There were Christmas decorations still up and aluminum trays of food and half empty bottles of alcohol and soda on the counter. I felt like someone was in the room with me but I didn't see anyone and began walking down a hallway towards a door left ajar with blue light coming from the room at the end of the hallway. Then a door opens on the left side of the hallway and a light turns off and Ashley walks out and goes into the room with the blue light and shuts the door behind her. It freaked me out because I knew Ashley was in the room with me and I turned around to go back to that room and Ashley was standing there behind me and she said it was only Ashley. And that's when I realized that it wasn't Ashley. It was another Ashley because Ashley's name isn't actually Ashley. The Ashley in the hallway was her daugh
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No.4344 
Happy new year to everyone!
lets hope our lives can get just that lil bit better, not expecting much, but a slight improvement would suffice
No.16742 
We made it another year everyone!

HAPPY NEW YEAR
No.4326 [Open]
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I promised a surprise on January 1st. Here it is. I'd like to formally announce the 1st annual 2023 Cuckies Awards™®©. This is an hour-ish long Grammys-style awards ceremony intended to honor the biggest cucks, buffoons, weirdos and their victims, weirdness, stupidity, examples of societal decay, and general fuck ups of the year.

In this thread we gather together to share pictures, news stories, webms, and videos as submissions for the annual Cuckies Awards™®© show. All formal submissions for the cuckies will go here.

Examples from 2022: 1) The entire Canadian public watching the Canadian Shop teacher with juicy fake tits give his students wood. 2) Anyone who invested in LUNA or thought it was a good idea to trust a centralized exchange ran by a curly haired jew sex pervert. 3) The owner of the suitcase that was stolen by that bald government tranny. 4) All the guys in my movie who thought I had a penis.

The ceremony will be airing pre-recorded but live in early December 2023, date TBA. Formal attire to attend The Cuckies is required. I will be wearing a swanky black dress, gloves, and any costume jewelry I find while thrifting this year. I need your help with this one guys, if we want a fantastic show, submit your best stuff. A panel of experts (me) will be picking. Taking suggestions for categories, ideas for the show, etc. It's going to be well produced. We will even have "commercials" (by me), "musical guests" (by me), and more.
487 replies and 204 files omitted. View the full thread
No.15449 
>>15442
>Revels-Glick claimed it only took her 20 seconds to finish the raunchy act.

god damn, i thought i was fast, but 20 seconds?
is that normal for a woman?
Can Ashley beat that time?
No.15532 
>>15442
Apparently she committed suicide shortly after the arrest footage went viral.

https://wealthypeeps.com/christina-revels-glick-suicide-arrested-shamed/
No.15536 
>>15442
Damn this bitch talked her way into being arrested. Had she just kept her mouth shut, she probably would have been able to walk away.
No.15541
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>An electrician who had sex with more than 100 corpses over a 15-year period was able to do so without being detected due to serious failures of "management, governance, regulation and processes, and a persistent lack of curiosity," a new 300-plus page inquiry report found.

https://www.foxnews.com/world/hospital-worker-sex-more-100-corpses-15-years-undetected-serious-failures
No.16531
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>>15442
No.16416 [Open]
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I'm sure you are surprised (again) but we all came together to make you a special Christmas card for our special needs girl.
Merry Christmas and lots of love Ashley!
14 replies and 10 files omitted. View the full thread
No.16453 
>>16452
kek yeah that was actually pretty funny and unexpected, I caught it the first time I watched the video but I could easily see how you'd miss it
No.16456 
>>16437
Merry Christmas.
No.16466
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>>16452
No, I didn't and I'm not going to re re visit the vid to find out
No.16469
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Dangerous blizzard conditions hit Colorado, Wyoming, Kansas. Stay safe, stay cozy, Ashley.
No.16472
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Auguri yall 🥂
No.4023 [Open]
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ASHLEY IS NOT ALLOWED IN THIS THREAD!!! SHE MAY NOT LOOK AT THIS THREAD!! STAY OUT ASHLEY!!

ALL NON-ASHLEY ANONS GET IN HERE!!

We mean it Ash, STAY OUT.
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No.16287 
>>16286
Woah Metal
No.16315
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No.16385 
bamp for any last signatures
!!TEA1oO8zM= No.16397
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uuuuaaahhhhh i was armost tū rate 彡໒(⊙ᴗ⊙)७彡
 
Merii Kurisumasu Ashrey-chan!!! So pretty desu as arrways!!!!

⊹⋛⋋( ՞ਊ ՞)⋌⋚⊹ have many fun vacations in new yearu prease!! 

i see you arr at new yearu party desu!!



_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_
The ocean is calling, and I must go.
Who You?: I am Tahiti. I rove vacation! 🎅❄️
<Ristening to: 浜崎あゆみ：JEWEL [ HAPPY Xmas SHOW 聖夜にあの名曲が蘇る ] 2006.12.24 #ayumihamasaki #濱崎步
<Rink: https://vid.puffyan.us/watch?v=HNDPkKn54N4 🎵🕺
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Replies: >>16412
No.16412
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>>16397
I knew something was missing from this card, this was it
No.15862 [Open]
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Post one of your favorite Christmas songs that put you in the seasonal mood.
Here's mine  https://youtu.be/vP46Hgy7H7A
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No.16308 
>>16303
when I was a kid I had an uncle who really loved me
No.16309 
>>16305
when the spoon left I heard it really broke the plate into a million pieces ;(
No.16310 
>>16301
The HANDLE of the fork is plastic, the fork itself is metal. Are you blind??

>>16303
Yeah I prefer cutlery with a handle too, it feels weird and bare without it

>>16307
The plate isn't plastic either

Some of you people are actually retarded
No.16323
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I'm leaking Rose's 2023 Christmas video.
No.16392 
https://vid.puffyan.us/watch?v=lYRsgcVUTvk
No.16000 [Open]
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Ho! Ho! Ho!

You've all been such naughty little boys, but thats ok. Mommy dearest still loves you!
Merry Getmas sweeties.
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Replies: >>16054 >>16100 + 1 earlier
No.16054 
>>16000 (OP) 
I know what I want for Getmas. Get me and you a hotel room so we can get room service and then I'll service you and you can thank me for it.
No.16100 
>>16000 (OP) 
Derricks mom is like Cartmans mom and Derrick is like an emaciated Cartman
No.16349
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Auguri
Replies: >>16364
No.16352
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No.16364
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>>16349
I am using Mixtral gguf 4.0 quant
32GB Ram 
No GPU
No.2567 [Open]
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The modern web is garbage, why try to spread Ashley online when we should all want to spread Ashley in real life? This is the Spread Ashley Campaign.

Do your part to share her videos with the world. There are many ways you can do this. Let us discuss how we would spread Ashley.

I will be contributing to the Spread Ashley Campaign. I've made a few fliers for the cause.

All fliers these would be ideal inside toilet stalls, by bus stops, on lamp posts, a communal billboard. (That is, if you get consent from the property owner of these places.) You could also put these on people's cars (with their consent. Ask the owner of the car if you have their permission to put the flier on their car).

Challenge mode: Take a picture of the flier where you posted it. You will gain extra internet points.
124 replies and 49 files omitted. View the full thread
No.16194
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>>16118
>However, the good news is I found a similarly sized black and white photo that suits me. All will be revealed at a time in the future. You'll see. You'll all see.
>You'll see. You'll all see.
Ashley scares me when she says that line

please dont be a blown up photo of Ambatukam's blown out asshole
please dont be a blown up photo of Ambatukam's blown out asshole
please dont be a blown up photo of Ambatukam's blown out asshole
please dont be a blown up photo of Ambatukam's blown out asshole
please dont be a blown up photo of Ambatukam's blown out asshole
please dont be a blown up photo of Ambatukam's blown out asshole
Replies: >>16202
No.16202
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>>16194
Don't be scared, bro, you'll see.
No.16320 
>>16138
>Seth Autismo Rollins
thats gimmick infringement boi
Replies: >>16326
No.16326
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>>16320
Ive been watching a lot of pro wrestling promos lately.
I dont watch WWE or AEW or anything like that, wrestling is kinda gay tbh. Just for some odd reason I got into watching all the best promos on youtube.
I wrote that post after watching MJF and CM Punk. Its a fun creative writing exercise to write posts like that.

As for Seth Rollins, last week I had a very brief NON SEXUAL crush on him, specifically the time when he was a part of the Shield, not the metro sexual looking version he is now.
He just looks so cool, I wanted to be like him, idk its hard to explain.
Replies: >>16331
No.16331 
>>16326
I like the flippy beaners
No.5875 [Open]
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I've been getting majorly prepared for livestreaming. The thing is, I don't necessarily look at it as a traditional modern livestream. I'm going to have my livestream be like a classic 90's public access show.

You guys will get to interact with me, the shows will involve a lot more than me just sitting and talking about the chat. I'm going to plan things out and execute them like it's an actual pubic access show. 

Soon I'm going to need help testing livestreaming to make sure it all works fine. I may do a few 5-10 minute tests in the near future, some of you guys can join me and let me know how the quality is.

That being said, I'll post my ideas and get your feedback in this thread.
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Replies: >>16171 + 4 earlier
No.7816 
>>7777
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17KmNrG9pE4

If Ashley leaves again, we'll know who to blame.
No.16171 
>>5875 (OP) 
Any updates on the livestream?
Replies: >>16243
## Board Owner No.16243 
>>16171
I'm hoping to do it next year, I basically have everything I need to do the public access live show. Good camcorders, phone line working for call-ins, analog video switcher, multiple monitors (well, technically televisions) to monitor my camcorders, switcher in/output, and more.

I'd like to first get through the Ashley Awards, then try the public access live show sometime next year.
Replies: >>16249 >>16255
No.16249 
>>16243
Sweet, thanks for the update.
Sounds like you've got a mini TV studio going on.
No.16255
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>>16243
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