/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

Discuss the world's funniest female comedienne, Ashley Jones.

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when is ashley dropping her discord so we can teach her the ways of der Gooner (the aryan spirit lives on through #blacked posters)
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>>9554 (OP) 
>when is ashley dropping her discord
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>they dont know about the secret discord
Replies: >>9564
>newfag thinks this is convincing bait
you are a homo
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>OP is a retard
>OP uses discord
yeah that tracks
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>>9554 (OP) 

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Ash, as promised, an erotic short story about you.

            THE ENCOUNTER

I came home and took a shower and dried myself off. It was warm in the house so I didn't bother getting dressed.I laid down on the bed. A short time later I heard a cute little voice say, "Hi". I recognized the voice and looked up and it was her. I reached for a blanket to cover myself but she said, "Don't cover yourself on my account." She sat on the edge of the bed and removed her black ankle length boots.

She stood up and removed her tee shirt revealing the most impecably small perfect breasts that emphasized her perfect little pink nipples. I began to feel a tingle you know where. She turned away from me. She began to slowly remove her jeans and gave a few wiggles with her cute little butt. She turned facing me revealing the most faultless camel toe pushing against her white cotton panties. She began to remove her panties but I told her to cease and desist since I wanted to savor the view of that enchanting little camel toe. She gave me that look, the patented smirk that only she can pull off. After about a half minute I relinquished and she slowly removed her panties revealing her "happy trail" as she called it which started at her mons veneris and ended at a perfectly manicured vulva. I became hard as dimonds. 

She threw her panties at me and I caught them and pressed it close to my face. Her panties were warm from her body heat as if the panties were just ironed. The scent was a treat for my olfactory glands. The scent was like fresh strawberries with just the slightest hint of musk. 

She walked towards me with the over exagerated walk and facial glare of an anorexic runway model. She was toying with me and I was willing to play.

She got on the bed looking at me seductively and sat on my stiff horizontal member. She began sliding her little butt back and forth and sometimes bending forward to stimulate her clitoris all the time staring at me like the seductive little imp that she is. Involuntarily my seed sprayed over my face and chest while she and I gave out a mutual orgasmic moan.

She bent forward to lick and clean my chest and face and I noticed a cute little blue hair ribbon that she was wearing to tie  tie up her little pony tail that she is famous for.
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>>8308 (OP) 
I wish my encounter story was as good as this.
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Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.
Replies: >>9409
maybe thats what alien anons encounter was like when they took him.
Lots of probing, poking and prodding.
Replies: >>9553
>So are you guys just gonna stand there or are you gonna help me continue humping the shit out of my mom's pillow?
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Like in the case of Whitley Strieber?


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Generations of people have been, and continue to be, inspired by pervasive violence: namely anorectal violence. Many perpetrators of this violence against one or more others especially in public pornography have not faced severe criminal punishment despite both 1) the high likelihood of anorectal injury to a receptive person due to anorectal fragility, and 2) the significance and potential severity (even lethality) of resultant traumatic consequences. What should easily be considered incriminating evidence worldwide not only proliferates unchecked, but also serves as an example to be copied in far too many cases. This situation is both one of the greatest injustices and one of the greatest contributors to societal decadence in the modern era. Facilitating factors include prevalent (willful) ignorance, apathy, and misinformation about anorectal topics, which are enabling people with (self-)destructive tendencies to have a field day with anorectal violence and to spread disinformation quite effectively.
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>No, I reuse the baby wipes to take off my eye liner afterwards. Unrelated, but I keep getting pink eye.

You didn't learn your lesson from your UTI?
>thread derailed
I guess that's what I get for posting on a site named after what was originally a fairly well-known scat image.


Ah well. Shitpost (poop-post) on.
Replies: >>9535 >>9536
Tbh I didn't really get what the thread was about since it was 2,000 words long in images. Something about assholes?

Here I'll help it stay on topic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF5R0S0Fgrc
>I dont particularly care what clothes you choose to wear
Ive changed my mind, I went to see you wear a  nice summer dress. No more baggy clothes.

all our assholes are clean and well looked after, dont worry 
see >>95635
I couldn't figure out who the last pic was so I reverse image searched it and Google said it's British actor Burn Gorman.

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This whole website is my childhood, i pls dont delete this b4 next tuesday, my 18gig harddrrive arrive s then
pretty pls? with sugar on top?
Clean the fukin car
Replies: >>9538 >>9540 >>9543
>>9537 (OP) 
Good morning sirs thank you for contacting Ashley Jones technical support. I will need you to enter in your credit card informations below in order for website to remain open.
why is it your childhood?
>>9537 (OP) 
Dont worry, we shall archive it and it can live on forever on the Internet Archive, because that too is never going away either!
>>9537 (OP) 
Care to discumbobulate?

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Hahaha cuck.
Replies: >>9460 >>9465
p sure it was a joke anon
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Happy Fathers day!
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An erotic short story of epic proportion with world renowned comedienne Ashley Jones as the sultry and seductive protagonist.

                       ---  AFTERNOON DELIGHT ---

I left the job early to come home to do the dreaded paper work, sending out e mail estimates, ordering material etc. I left my partner on the job. We flipped a coin to see who would do the paper work and I lost.

I heard a car pull into my driveway and a few seconds later I heard a light half hearted knock on the door.I suspected the Jehovah's Witnesses again so I ignored it. A second light knock could be heard and curiosity got the best of me as to whom was on the other side of the door. I got up and opened the door. There she stood. I recognized her immediately. I stood there like a retard unable to speak and at the same time trying to comprehend my good fortune. She seemed a bit shy and a little hesitant as she introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Ashley". I know, I know I said to myself. She didn't know me from Adam and I preferred to keep it that way and not tell her how familiar that I was with her. 

She told me that she was in the process of purchasing the house next to mine and that she was wondering if I knew of any problems with the house. I finally snapped out of my stupor and invited her in.I told her to have a seat on the couch. I asked her if I could offer her something to drink. She asked if I had seltzer and an orange and I told her I did. It's a mystery to me why I bought a bottle of seltzer the last time I went shopping since I don't drink seltzer. Chalk it up to unconscious synchronicity I guess. I squeezed the juice of the orange into the seltzer as she directed and gave it to her while I enjoyed a cup of coffee. I told her that I knew of no problems with the house next door. I had renovated the kitchen for the owners and did some minor work in the basement during a very heavy rain and the basement remained dry as the provebial bone. I told her that the roof was replaced about three years ago so she won't have any problems. She complemented me on the kitchen renovation and she seemed to relax a bit upon hearing that the house was in good shape.

As we sat talking, small talk mostly, I started to become slightly aroused. She was wearing a white cotton tank top and her arms were exposed all the way and I noticed a small patch of  axillary hair in her arm pit. It was obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra, I could see her little nipples pushing against the soft cotton of her tank top. I tried to be discrete but she caught me peeking. She smiled as only she can and asked if I liked what I saw. Sheepishly I replied in the affirmative. She asked where the bedroom was. I thought she misspoke and meant the bathroom. She reiterated, no the bedroom. She placed her empty drink on the coffee table, stood up and grabbed my hand and said, "Let's go". I got up grateful that I had made the bed, a rare occurrence on my part, before leaving for work. Didn't want her to think I was a poor housekeeper.

Once in the bedroom she placed her slender arms around my neck pulling me slightly downward due to our height difference. She pressed her warm moist tender lips against mine. She began slightly biting my lower lip and eventually her warm moist tongue found its way into my mouth and the battle of the tongues began, something like Battle Bots. Only difference was that I couldn't care less who won. I became more aroused. She removed her tongue from my mouth to my chagrin and sat on the edge of the bed. She removed her ankle length boots revealing a pair of orange Garfield socks. I thought, how cute. She removed those socks revealing her delicate feet with blue painted toenails. She stood up and removed her tank top revealing the most perfect and pert little breasts and and pink little nipples I had ever seen. Michelangelo would have been proud to sculpt those pert little breasts and Rembrandt would have been over joyed to put paint to canvas in painting those breasts. She walked towards me and removed my tee shirt. She placed her hands on my now bare chest and began massaging my nipples with her thumbs, my Achilies heel. I felt as if I was ready to cum so I started thinking about football, Buffalo Bills, my last quarter mile drag race which I lost to of all cars a Chevy Camaro due to a missed shift  from second to third to assuage my desire to cum.

Ashley bent down and undid my jean's button and zipper and slid them down my legs which were now starting to feel like they were made of rubber. I stepped out of them and she began to caress my stiff member through my boxer briefs and then she slid them off. My erect member bounded out like a horse coming out of the gate at the Kentucky Derby. She placed her long slender fingers on my member slightly stroking it and sending a shiver up my spine.
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x sign name

but, only in the dark wit the lights off and in complete silence, so I can really focus in on my nipple rubbing and heighten the feeling
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Can we all just take a moment to appreciate Tahiti? He's a treasure and I hope his next flight is relaxing and has complimentary loli blow jobs. Oh god wait... Tahiti, i-is that Tahiti's plane? TAHITI NOOOOOOOOO
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Replies: >>9294
Lest In Peacu desu

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this was Tahiti-chan's final face when he reached nirvana from the complimentary loli blow job as his plane hit the building.
What a way to go out...

i am very big fan fo very much good videos hehe

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Goodnight, sweet prince.
Press F to pay respects.

>Kaczynski died in prison of a reported suicide on June 10, 2023.

>Psychological study

>In his second year at Harvard, Kaczynski participated in a study described by author Alston Chase as a "purposely brutalizing psychological experiment" led by Harvard psychologist Henry Murray. Subjects were told they would debate personal philosophy with a fellow student and were asked to write essays detailing their personal beliefs and aspirations. The essays were given to an anonymous individual who would confront and belittle the subject in what Murray himself called "vehement, sweeping, and personally abusive" attacks, using the content of the essays as ammunition. Electrodes monitored the subject's physiological reactions. These encounters were filmed, and subjects' expressions of anger and rage were later played back to them repeatedly. The experiment lasted three years, with someone verbally abusing and humiliating Kaczynski each week. Kaczynski spent 200 hours as part of the study.

>Kaczynski's lawyers later attributed his hostility towards mind control techniques to his participation in Murray's study. During the Second World War, Murray worked with the Office of Strategic Serv
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>I asked if he was afraid of losing his mind, if the circumstances he found himself in now would break his spirit? He answered, 

>No, what worries me is that I might in a sense adapt to this environment and come to be comfortable here and not resent it anymore. And I am afraid that as the years go by that I may forget, I may begin to lose my memories of the mountains and the woods and that's what really worries me, that I might lose those memories, and lose that sense of contact with wild nature in general. But I am not afraid they are going to break my spirit.
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Hey guys, can you please help me expand my word filter? I'm going to need a LOT of suggestions to do this right and I can't do it on my own.


See pic for what I have so far and here's the json if you want to import the current list for yourself:

  "version": "2.1",
  "groups": [
      "name": "Truth filter",
      "urls": [],
      "substitutions": [
          "input": "jews",
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Actually I prefer the moniker "Dog Robber"

No need for thanks but appreciated.
I had someone at Wal-Mart the other day thank me for my service because I wore camouflaged cargo pants.
Replies: >>9178 >>9191
wtf Seabee is based

but how did they see your legs?

get it it?!?! ...camouflaged cargo pants.... LOLMAYO
Replies: >>9192
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I was in a store once wearing my military issue lightweight Seabee jacket and a guy asked if I was in the military and I told him I was but I'm a civilian now. He literally put his arms around me and said thanks for your service. Be careful no one accuses you of stolen valor, LOL
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I get it, heh,heh

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Not enough fuel. They faked it to make the government popular with the citizens again, and the CIA murdered a bunch of people to keep it hushed up.
*Undeniable* proof in here, not debatable or a theory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEm4oKdd4gs
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>everything I see on TV is real
>it's EXTRA real if the government says it's real
The whole world literally watched Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer in the 60's as well. Doesn't mean it's real. And if you made literally the biggest achievement in HUMAN HISTORY, why are all of them acting depressed? They look miserable and all act confrontational and angry anytime someone questions the official narrative.
anyone following this new UFO stuff?
The US has apparently retrieved some non-human made craft


Replies: >>9186
The powers that be are releasing this for some kind of profit. They are in full control of this narrative, probably has something to do with project blue beam

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