/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

Discuss the world's funniest female comedienne, Ashley Jones.

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Hello. Welcome to Ashley Jones' imageboard. 

Who is Ashley Jones? She is a globally recognized, world renowned, no longer underage, female comedienne, technology enthusiast, free software advocate. She made her debut in 2014 after upsetting 2+ million purple people on WorldStarHipHop.

Watch my videos: https://videos.icum.to
Go to my website: https://icum.to

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An entire year's worth of curating weird submissions in forms of videos, news stories, and generally strange and bizarre people, will all compete for an award, hosted by yours truly, Ashley Jones. Join Ashley on her first Tosh.Hoe Awards Show, which is pre-recorded but aired LIVE on https://cytu.be/r/ashleyjones

8pm PST | 9pm MST | 10pm CST | 11pm EST

Invite anyone who may be interested.
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agree this is mad comfy
Yes, I also loved Tosh.0 when it was on the air. I guess it couldn't survive today's social climate, it was one of the shows that really poked fun at everyone and everything, never taking anything too seriously. Fun fact, I found Popstar Nima (cleaning out my asshole guy) through Tosh.0. I always liked the style of Tosh and the Ashley "Tosh.Hoe" Awards Show is an homage to it. I needed an excuse to write jokes away from my characters, and this style of show was a good way to get away from the usual "character skit" which I don't want to be type-cast as. What's ironic is Tosh is a copy of The Soup. It's like a human centipede of comedy shows. The Soup -> Tosh - > Me.

Pretty much, and I actually ended up using almost nothing from the Cuckies thread. Even though I gave it a fair shot, I couldn't work in news stories into an entertaining video format. It would rely on too much context/explanation, which could get boring when I prefer writing jokes in rapid succession rather than drawn out. Since the news stories relied too much on explanation/context, I found bizarre videos to nominate for awards instead. The viewer would be more entertained seeing a funny or strange video rather than hear a tired re-telling of a story. Though it's possible I could still work in some news stories, as a few recent submissions are really fu
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agreed, this is her best seasoned theme yet, especially the postform box

>I'm very excited about the upcoming Ashley Awards. I've been writing it and I think it's pretty good.
I personally will be attending the awards dressed up in my best attire.............. ok fine its just pajama pants that need washing and a tshirt with holes and tin spaghetti stains fml
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legit excited for this shit

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The cum tribby thread has CUM to a CLIMAX, CUMMING to its maximum LOAD of replies
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Why are you the way you are
Replies: >>15877 >>15882
It was
its like would u rather a nice pinky juicy steak or an overcooked dry steak
You're not a man if you don't find 15 year old women attractive.
Replies: >>15892
Then I'm very, VERY masculine because I find 5 year old women attractive

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Post your custom banners and I will upload them (if they are good enough) to this board. They must be this size: 466 width x 190 height
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You think I don’t know that retard? Can’t you tell I’m trying to ask Ashley a question? I don’t remember asking you a goddamn thing. Shut yo skin tone chicken bone google chrome no home flip phone disowned ice cream cone garden gnome extra chromosome metronome dimmadome genome full blown monochrome student loan indiana jones overgrown flintstone x and y hormone post malone friend zone sylvester stallone hydrocortisone sierra leone autozone professionally seen silver patrone head ass tf up
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@retard calm down faggot #kys #newfag #simp
Read the OP.
Replies: >>15888
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I'm assuming he's asking whether or not the resolution "restrictions" still apply because some of the currently live banners don't conform to that standard. The poster doesn't have the mental capacity to infer that the resolution requirement isn't so much a rule as a strong preference; uniformity of size makes the board look nicer. However, Ashley not being a stickler for precision, has made a few exceptions for particularly funny or noteworthy banners (e.g., the Tosh advertisement). Therefore, the best way to proceed with any new banners would simply be to use the requested resolution. Personally, I think the poster just wanted to feel special by getting Ashley to respond to him directly on the board, thus inflating his personal sense of importance.

When called out on the method used to address the board owner (Ashley), which is a method used on Twitter, Discord, and other normie and zoomer-centric platforms, the poster became aggressive and angry, perhaps as the result of sexual frustration due to his attraction for Ashley (and the inevitability of other anons "getting in his way"). He then desperately attempted to be funny, knowing that the object of his unrequited affection enjoys comedy. Unfortunately, he just copy/pasted an overlong mishmash of words from RhymeZone.com, thus failing at being humorous whatsoever.

I hope this recap has helped. Let's see what happens next.
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I think it might be a zoomer copypasta
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Copypasta? I didn't recognize that one, probably because it wasn't really funny (no offence) so it hasn't been posted much like the famous copypastas we all know and love. Now if we were talking about girls or food, I would recognize those things a mile away. If I were to ask you what your favorite food is, I'm sure you could say and I would recognize the dish because it's notable due to its delicious taste. If you were to ask me about my favorite food, well, for me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.

One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!".

Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.

I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant.

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This is somewhat like me and Ash.
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Burger King fast food deal
Baby this burger tastes like foot fungus hell
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this kind of like me and Ashley
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>build girlfriend a dildo bike
>a few weeks go by
>in a rush to get to work
>forget to put pants on because in a rush
>grab what I think is my bike
>take pants off
>oh wait my pants were already off
>sit down
>really in a rush so I have to ride her dildo bike to work
>peddling faster and faster
>ass naturally moves up and down from fast peddling
>accidentally give self prostate milking
>get to work
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>think things have already gone great badly enough today
>run down the bike thief
>try to knock him off my girlfriend's dildo bike
>have some difficulty dislodging him from the dildo
>eventually succeed
>decide to teach him a lesson
>buttfuck him
>he likes it
>now he's my boyfriend
>dump girlfriend but keep her bike
>6 months later
>AIDs test results positive
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This is a lot lke me and Ashley.

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Post music. Bonus points for PMVs (ノ•‿•)ノ♬
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the guitar solo in this was so good, I pulled over onto the side of the road and grabbed my phone to record it so I could look it up later when I got home.
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sorry if link doesn't work
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Ashley is:
The chief clerk of smirk
The pioneer of leer
The puppeteer of sneer

So delightfully smug

Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as she does
Baby, you're the best
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>>15700 (OP) 
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Master Ruh Rohl guide us. Master Ruh Rohl teach us. Master Ruh Rohl protect us. In your light we thrive. In your mercy we are sheltered. In your wisdom we are humbled. We live only to serve pussy. Our lives are yours.

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Spill the beans. Again.
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I failed No Nut November yesterday, darn!
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I only did 1/4 of my resolutions this year.
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at least you're using linux though (full time I hope?).

Honestly even being able to make a statement like that is a testament to just how far gnu/linux has come. there was a time in the not so distant past where you probably couldn't have used linux without at least a little terminal use. I'm all for making things easier and getting people away from microsoft and apple.

that being said the terminal really isn't that scary or difficult. if you ever do get into it, you'll realize all the cool hackermans pictures you've seen of people's linux desktops with 4 shells open all running crazy looking shit is all actually pretty mundane/not difficult stuff. Take picrel for example. This dumb whore is doing the equivalent of opening a folder (incorrectly a few times) over and over and checking what directory she's in. Normies think it looks amazing and advanced but in reality it's nothing.

cool thing about the terminal is that once you get comfortable in it, you can actually do many tasks much much faster. also, the majority of people don't actually memorize the crazy long commands. You can write simple scripts or use aliases (like shortcuts) to do things for you. I have shit in my .bash_aliases file that I wrote years ago that if you asked me to write out I couldn't remember how to do it. like alias yta='yt-dlp -x --audio-format mp3' to use youtube-dl (
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I still shower alone and change in the bathroom stalls at the gym because being around naked men is gay.
That is prolly better than 99% of ppl who make new years resolutions. So good for you anon! 

>at least you're using linux though (full time I hope?).
No not yet, I bought a laptop a lil while back and have it on that.
Im saving money to build/upgrade a new PC and for that I will swap to Linux as my main, I assume there will be some issues with some of my older software that I regularly use, so I will still probably need to use windows of some sort.
I have to figure out what I can keep from my existing hardware but also what to get for new hardware, which is tbh really overwhelming as Im completely hardware illiterate.
I know /g/ has a pc building thread so I will probably go there for any questions.

>You can write simple scripts or use aliases (like shortcuts) to do things for you.
I had no idea about that. That sounds really cool and encourages me to learn about using the terminal more. Especially since I use yt-dlp quite a lot

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Post one of your favorite Christmas songs that put you in the seasonal mood.
Here's mine  https://youtu.be/vP46Hgy7H7A
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Nice job making the board look Christmasy, Ash. Your image on the lower right on the board needs a Santa hat.
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Thanks Seabee, your wreath goes really well with the Christmeese theme going on. Also, I saved the best for last. Taz put on his Santa hat and is hoping he'll get a negative HIV test for Christmas. Yaaaaaaaaay!!!~~~~

This Christmas song gets me in the mood. For Christmas. Not for anything else.
Replies: >>15868
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I'll keep my digits crossed for Taz but I have a feeling he'll get a clean bill of health, he always manages to pull through.

Funny takeoff on Wham's "Last Christmas" a now classic.

Funny You spelled it:"Christmeese". You once asked what my favorite  Ashley video is. In retrospect it has become a Christmas tradition for me  to play every year around this time your 2014 Google+ vid, "Christmeese", now that's a Christmas  classic that really sets the mood.
Lots of different songs put me in the Christmas spirit, I'm sure I'll be posting a number of songs throughout the season, but here's the first one.


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An amalgamation of my boredom spent messing with my webcam. Enjoy.

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Fun Movie Detail: For this shot, the tears coming out of Bandits eyes, are in fact, real tears and not GIMPED in.
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I would buy a t-shirt of this. It reminds me of Brodie's t-shirt from Mallrats. When is the merch dropping? I still need my signed TikTok Tranny movie poster.
dicks smell like fish too
also fish smells good
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why does ashley look so SCRUMPTIOUS in this video??

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