/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

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Son, please put the gun down.
And yes we did talk.
Ashley’s gonna be your new mama from now on.
You have to call her Ma.
And also you have to leave the house because she’s moving in with us and I can’t have you around the house. I’ve already rented U-Haul truck to pick up ur shit.

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Yes - your dad is basically Hank Hill literally said "I tell you hwat" He initially asked me hwhat his son was watching, was there any porn-ography in my videos? I said no. Well, then I realized I do put porn in my videos so technically yes, your son does watch tranny porn. He didn't care, he was really relaxed. At first I thought I was the one getting trolled because he literally sounds like Hank Hill. I did my Bobby Hill impression and also sang him an a cappella version of Turkey Song. 

I'm pretty sure that's the first time a concerned parent has called me, he was great.

>>17953 (OP) 
I had phone sex with ur dad

>>17962
Let, I can see that. I've talked to him a few times on the phone before and something about phones makes him sound +25% more southern than he does IRL. The best way to describe him without posting a picture would be to imagine an "Everybody Loves Raymond"-era Ray Romano but with a diet of fast food and domestic beers.
He mentioned that you sang the song for him and that "she seems like a nice young lady."

>>18173
>The best way to describe him without posting a picture
Wanna try and get a creepshot of your dad for us? (•‿•)

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>>17962
>>28857
>>28858
Hey guys, please engage mommy Ashley's phone sex service to help pay for her grocery bills:
https://xmrbazaar.com/listing/CCT9/
(mommy's listing was mentioned at 2m35s) https://www.monerotalk.live/monerotopia-176

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>>28868
For only 0.15 XMR (≈ $22.70), you can ask mommy Ashley to call you and she can pretend to be your girlfriend, wife, or daughter. No phone sex, though.
https://yewtu.be/watch?v=6Bvfs4ai5XU

>>28868
>>28869
Sorry but my gf doesn't want me giving money to girls online anymore. I only have ~0.00001732 XMR anyway. Too bad you only accept shitcoin.

>>28871
Luckily for you Ashley isn't a girl. They're genderless, like clownfish or bearded dragons.

>>28872
It says right there in the description.
>I'm a biological female.
https://xmrbazaar.com/listing/CCT9/

Seems like a total scam then if they are lying. I wasn't interested to begin with. Looks like I dodged a bullet. Reporting this to the better business bureau. Going to get a nice class action settlement out of this.

>>28874
Did you know that the BBB isn't a government entity? I was always under the impression that they were, but it turns out they're just yelp for boomers. They don't actually have any power and are a private business.

>>28875
I never knew that. I always thought they were the fourth branch of government. I never understood why we needed the Federal Express when we already have the United States Postal Service. Just more wasting of taxpayers money in my opinion.

Crypto is just astrology for men.

>>28884
I've never bought an eBay gift card with my star sign.

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>>28888
That's because your star sign is the star of david. Only a literal kike would defend pedophile scam money like gift cards. Go cry about the hallofcost some more. No one cares about anne frank's diarrhea at awfulshits. There is a white nationalist flag but no mordecai flag. Must be pure coincidence.

>>28893
You just posted cringe.

>>28894
That's because I'm the next step in human evolution, the homonextual.

>>28895
ur gay

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>>28868
Hey guys, mommy Ashley has new listings!!!
https://xmrbazaar.com/user/AshleyJones
https://xmrbazaar.com/listing/sh9e/
https://xmrbazaar.com/listing/P2qu/

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>>28986
a cyber dinner date with Ashley sounds delightful

>>28986
>>28987
honestly, I would have a virtual dinner with ashley if I had more confidence

>>28989
Just imagine that you are having dinner with an old man:
https://www.reuters.com/business/bidding-tops-123-mln-warren-buffett-charity-lunch-2022-06-17/

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>>28986
>>28987
someone is cumming to dinner...

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She already lets us all virtually cum on her, so why not date her? It's not like anyone is getting sex. We're pretty much already in a polyamory as it is. At least we can all sit together and enjoy watching each other get fat. Ashley likes watching fat guys mukbang, only fat guy bang she seems to be into. As they say, "Don't listen to what people say; watch what they do." Ashley says she likes an unshaven fat guy and doesn't shave herself but Ashley dates a smooth muscle guy and shaves herself. I would like to go to dinner with Ashley and have her sitting across the table from me on my phone watching me rack plates but I also don't date lying whoers. As I said,  "Don't listen to what people say; watch what they do."

>>28997
>I also don't date lying whoers
Im also gay bro lets have gay sex

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>>28998
You couldn't handle me

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>>28999
jesus christ

>>28999
I bet I could. Post cock

>>29003
If the guy responds "why do you wanna see my cock bro? you gay" then we all know he has a 3" dick.

>>29004
>3" dick
>If the guy responds
enjoy asking anon to show you their dicks while Ashley and I bump clits. my dick is big enough to fit in her tiny anus.

>>29006
Small dick confirmed.

>>29006
hahahaha faggot

>>29007
bro, that dong is a certified slapper, no cap, bet it's got some serious sauce

>>29007
>>29008
very sus, post rizz, cheugy

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this board is God awful now. ainʼt no way I wouldʼve died for yʼall niggas if I was Jesus.

Ashley will never be with a man who was a cut penis. Cope and seethe cutfags.

>>29012
Pick your battles. Her mom doesn't have that problem.

>>29013
Pick your battles while ashley picks my penis. All natty. Stay maddy.

>>29014
>Stay maddy.
Lmao, she's all yours, bro. You niggas are just sad. some of us don't have a problem finding a gf.

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>>29015
Projection to the highest degree. I have no problem with girls thanks to my natty cockus and well earned confidence. I can fit 4 regular sized donuts around my heavenly rod. How many can you fit around your rod? Im gonna say 1 of these tiny powdered donuts.

>>29016
Glad you feel the need to let everyone know how insecure you are, but my statement wasn't about you. Yeah, well, I can fit girls with daddy issues around mine.

>>29018
>my statement wasn't about you
>You niggas are just sad. some of us don't have a problem finding a gf.
Not only do you lack a big penis but you also lack reading comprehension. I read to my bitches. I read them their rights as I have them handcuffed. "You have the right to remain silent as you suck on my cock" "anything you say or do will be recorded on my phone for later use".

>>29019
You lack the fucks I give.

>>29018
Its easy to post random pictures of women you found on Instagram but if were reading between the lines, the real message is that none of you are posting your cocks. We have small dick posters here with nothing to show.

>>29019
Good for you! No one cares.

>>29021
Seems more important to you bro.

>>29023
Obviously you do if you're posting about it

>>29022
That’s because a lot of the people who post on here are attracted to women unlike you.

>>29027
>bro I'm so masculine
>bro I'm attracted to women bro
>I'm so attracted to them I never talk to them in real life and stalk them on social media dude
>Bro I jack my small cock off to pictures I downloaded from their instagram bro I'm such a man
How much sleep are you going to lose over this conversation blowing you the fuck out? lmao what a little bitch

Big cock brothers stay winning.

>>29026
No, I’m just letting you know.

>>29028
What a though guy you are my man.

>>29031
k

>>29031
Actually I am, I go to the gym at least 5 days a week. Its easy pickings for hot pussy since I look like proto Arnold Schwarzenegger.

>>29033
I lift too but I think my gainz have slowed down. Any advice?

>>29035
You probably hit virtriolous naphter. If you stop drinking distilled water (40oz per quad) your body doesnt have enough salt to repair the tearing which makes your gains go down. Actually if you keep going even harder w/o minerals you can get an infection because the body doesnt have what it needs to repair the torn gain. Had it happen once and had to go to urgent care for antis and lost even more gains cause I had to rest for my body to get its shit together. Also vitamin F17.

>>29035
Oh yeah and flintstone gummies

>>29033
I’m supposed to be scared of you but In reality I’m not. I don’t care what tale you tell me about yourself. You haven’t proven anything. Your storytelling doesn’t scare me.

>>29038
Kek bro I was just talking about my muscles. youre the one talking about being scared.

>>29036
>>29037
Good advice, thanks bro. I'll look into my virt levels but my OB says they're fine. Glad you healed up OK, did you ever get diarrhea from the F17? Downed way too much one time since I was cutting weight and it worked but it wasn't pretty.

>>29037
2 per day since I was 5 y/o

>>29038
the men are talking little guy

>>29040
Lmao yeah that can happen if you dont up your zinc intake. Dont know why but zinc will help combat that plus you should already be taking zinc if youre trying to patch. I had a retarded OB so I bought those test strips you pee on to test your virt and LM levels and it works good but not as accurate as the stuff the OB has. If youre trying to cut to redistribute then try prune pills. F17 is rapid so you wont redistribute as well.

>>29042
I'm not on Z atm so that's good to know. Will check it out. I know most noots say you can't get enough dihydrogen monoxide in the morning (and post ofc) but in my experience that hasn't been true, I had too much and it made me vomit in the middle of a set. Didn't help I was capping that day so obviously I couldn't be subtle anymore covered in puke lul. Anyway I wasn't patching then but I do now. I'm not worried about redistribution because I'm pretty happy with my profile and grist at the moment but I guess good to know with F17. Thanks again for the tips.

>>29039
KeK, I thought you were being angry and gay earlier before you started talking about “muscles”.

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>>29036
>>29040
>>29042
>F17
I don't know how the fuck you guys take this shit because it makes me extremely sick.

>>29043
>Didn't help I was capping that day
Capping is more of a sport than lifting. About 3 months ago I was at the rotaters and in the mirror I saw a pencil leg's phone camera light go off. The kid had no idea but all the girls saw and started putting on their sweatshirts and moving to the other end of the gym. I almost gave the kid shit for it but I didnt want to be seen talking to him.

>>29045
How long have you been on it? It can take a few months for your biome to adjust.

>>29045
it's just one guy replying to himself if you haven't caught on

>>29047
huh?

>>29046
lole yeah you never want to interact publicly with a flasher. It's always some dumb fucking zoomer too I swear. gj on the taters though I do them too, a lot of people don't like them because of the clicks but I don't mind it (just listen to music or something)

>>29047
Weird cope

>>29048
Caps are the reason I started going to the gym. Joined for the caps stayed for the abs. I started capping at a sup store for shits and giggles and I think one chick caught on because the next time I went she was way more friendly with me.

>>29050
lmaaooooo yea some of them are into it. I had this one banging little spinner that came to my gym and I KNOW she knew what I was doing because I thought I was 100% caught but she pulled her leggings up even tighter and I got some of the best CT shots of my life. She quit going to the gym though idk why. To make matters worse I lost my SD when I moved last year. Oh well theres always more piggies to cap.

>>29047
>18 Users
Whatever you say, schizo.

>>29051
I want to see your caps but to be honest they dont do it for me like the ones I take do. I can only use ones of chicks I know or been around.

ashley doesn't care about natty gainz. she only cares about fatty gainz. you newfags are some of the dumbest mfers here. if she wasn't such a grifter for gift cards and shitcoin handouts, she'd ban you

>>29054
Sounds like a personal problem

>>29055
yeah because i'm sure you're here just to watch someone repair a vcr. you're here because you can't get a gf. even ashley can't get a gf which just goes to show how pathetic you all are when the e-girl you orbit can't get a gf either even with all the pussies like you on her board. if I were you, I'd walk my gay ass into oncoming traffic so my mom could move on with her life and live her new life with her new family without the constant reminder of you evoking the painful memory of her being guilt tripped into not having an abortion.

>>29057
babby is triggered

>>29059
and the only women you'll ever know is the one you imagine yourself being

>>29062
I know your little sister pretty well

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>>29065
Is that supposed to mean something to me, retard? I know your mom pretty well. She failed as a parent.

>>29066
Hey are you the guy that always finds a way to talk about people's moms? What's your deal?

>>29067
The deal is a quarter back refund but your mom thinks I'm talking about football.

The bwc perfection society indulges in the respect for the best perfection bwc the world for the bwc 7 inches closer to god deserve womenal biological sex preganancies the frequency resonance of white skin heals burn victims from rape the bwc perfection

weight lift

>>29078
English, motherfucker, do you speak it?