/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

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mkY sson snt ,e this Website and it looks rellay funny, I dnt know who or what an Ashley Jones is but she looks Like one of those Tik ok stars that work for China. I donr like china because they spye on us through our telephones and coffee makers, fox news told me that. I dont undertand why Joe Byden doesnt stop them isnt he the president I bet he hates american FJB LETS GO BRAN BAN. anywas what is this site, it looks like something that will giv my computer laptop a virus? is it a wafe web site to be. tell me plz.  ok, well, the wife wants me to Watch jeff dunham with her...hes hilarious. ok...maybe ill be back
2 replies omitted. View the full thread
>>21714
You didn't deserve to be born.
Good AFternoon everyone. im back like I said I be. The wife and i got into one of our little "arguments: again and she letgs 3 days ago. im all lone now with me and the family dog Roufus. he afrts almost as much as me . haha. anyways ive been watching ashleys videos, all of them and have become infatulated with her, sorry i cant spell i dropped out of High scjhool, anyways i think shes really cute and noticed she had a telephone hotline. and was wondering. is it a phone like like 1800 JUGS where i can talk to sext ladies who call me sexy. or it just a joke website phoneline. ok just wodnering. my sloppy joes are burning in  the microwave. bye bye for now.
Replies: >>22031
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>>21712 (OP) 
>>22026

Barry, is this you?
did you take up smoking crystal meth after Linda left you?
>>21712 (OP) 
Hello ashley its me your number 1 olde fan. haha im 65 for anyone wondering haha anyways my wife is no loner with me because she cheated on me and i kicked her out of the old homestad now its just me and the dog he stull farts alot. HAHA but im used to the smell becasue its always around speaking of being always arounf my buddy johhny said he found your video about the cooking in the kitchen to be really humorous and he liked the part when you spit the gym in teh sink at the end haha anyways I just wanted to step in and say hello to ashley becasue I am a huge fan and i mean huge emphansis on huge my penis is biug its huge like 4 inches ereck LOL WOW anyways joe bie den isnt running for presient anyemore so . thats good too. oh did you see minions 3 or minions 4 i saw it by myself i am a not a pedophile but im think people think i was becasue i was there masturbating to the minins HAHA anyways have a good night ashley please keep being funny and maing funney fideos HAHA goodnight sweethart!

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The cum tribby thread has CUM to a CLIMAX, CUMMING to its maximum LOAD of replies
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>>24815
Ehh, I don't know. The only reason I do them to Ashley is because she initially asked for them herself and is now fine with any new ones.
Sorry anon, but I think I'll have to pass.

>>24842
Tyty 
I didn't even notice the loop lol, just cut it at random.
As long as you look at it for the cute screenshot of Ashley I'm sure it's not gay or weird.
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Replies: >>27174 >>27175
>>27142
I bet Ashley could cum massives ropes like this for real if she was a guy. She'd probably have a huge girthy cock aswell. a solid 8"x6" and uncut ofcourse.
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>>27142
You have to see the original "bonbi tapes" video to understand the context here. Fucking hilarious. Also,
>How the West Was Fun
>Switching Goals
>used tissue
>lotion
What did Ashley mean by this???
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A guy in a facebook group I'm a part of found a Cracker Jack prize in the VHS tape he recently acquired.

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Hi guys,
Tomorrow's my 18th birthday, and I've been lurking here for a while, so I thought I'd attention whore post about it. I realize picrel is poor quality (DOBs on drivers' licenses are small and my pencils are dull) and doesn't prove anything, but I thought I may as well include it. Anyway, thanks for the laughs and whatnot, this place is pretty cool.
9 replies and 2 files omitted. View the full thread
>>27109
>daughter
Nobody here is a female. Not even ashley.
>>27109
There should be some old folks in a website about vintage electronics repair
>>27109
You're old enough to be my son. I fucked a lot of gooks in Nam, they consented of course.
>>27074 (OP) 
Have you ever been built for god?
>>27074 (OP) 
Happy birthday anon, its all down hill from here buddy

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https://icum.to/ashleytracker/

About the Ashley tracker: https://icum.to/about-the-ashley-tracker/
495 replies and 156 files omitted. View the full thread
>>27132
>I am out boyos, have a good one
What did she mean by this? No seriously. Did you faggots run her off again?!
Ashley isn't going anywhere you guys are so silly lol lool r-right Ashley?
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Kek you drama queens want to be cucked because for years the story is some iteration of
>she left so she could get pumped and dumped by (insert Sam Hyde, Will, or a tranny here)

The next time I leave I'll make sure to make these dreams become a reality. I have my target picked. Picrel.
Replies: >>27158 >>27165
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>>27156
I have my shirt ready.
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>>27156
Is that Mental Outlaw? ...with an iPhone X? I didn't know AIDS ran on Linux? I hope he grants you access, whoer. Let's see you fix AIDS, bitch. Fuck you, I'm racist now

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Paste the contents of your clipboard right now without looking. GO!
33 replies and 2 files omitted. View the full thread
Magic 8 ball should I kill myself?
How to reach penile melagnosis
Is phimosis a mental condition
Sad Anime Music and Beautiful Piano & Instrument - Naruto Shippuden OST 3【BGM】
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-involved/jobs-and-volunteering

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Derrick's birthday is a special occasion that only comes once a year - until a life changing event that only happens once in a lifetime also happens on Derrick's birthday. How will two important events play out at once? Will Derrick still feel special?

https://videos.icum.to/w/3faidSsWAFvUurQ62usMQh
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57 replies and 21 files omitted. View the full thread
>>24845
6th of June 2025 is going to be amazing, trust me
>I'm just going to say D-Day happened in 6th of the June
>Derricks grandma is still alive...

>>24847
I get it now, thanks <3

>>24849
You know too much, stop it before something bad happens.
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Replies: >>24871
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>>24845
>>24849
>>24853
I figured it out. The video is about Derrick's birthday. Derrick's birthday is April 20th which is also Hitler's birthday and the date of Columbine. June 3rd is National Simp Day. June 4th is Killdozer Day and the day of Tienanmen Square. The first case of AIDS was reported by the CDC and the United States went off the gold standard on June 5th. The Robert F. Kennedy assassination was on June 5th but he didn't die until June 6th. Ronald Reagan died on June 5th. Ronald Reagan Day is February 6th. National Ashley Day is February 6th. The special day. Charlie Day. Charlie Day's birthday is February 9th. All the pieces suddenly fit.
Replies: >>24872
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>>24871
I'm fully amazed by you
there are still some smart ashlings
You have proven me wrong

You are on a good lead but still you have so much to figure out.
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>>9087
Rose has long legs too.
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I'm genuinely curious, would Ashley lick such a butthole irl? If she would, she is really a keeper!

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Hey guys, let's have a Cytube get together this Tuesday night. I have a new video I put a lot of effort into, it's pretty funny (to me at least), so I think it'd be fun to watch it all together before I put it on my site. Before my new video we'll watch some random Youtube videos together for about 2 hours.

Post links to videos you'd like to watch together. Try to keep them shorter-ish (roughly 15 minutes and under if possible), just so we have a nice variety. I'll pick which ones are of interest.

TIME MY NEW VIDEO WILL SHOW ON CYTUBE: 6pm Pacific | 7pm Mountain | 8pm Central | 9pm Eastern | I'm not a clock so if you're from some third world country like Britain or Hogwarts, figure it out :3

The above time is when my new video will play. Arrive 2 hours early if you want to watch the Youtube videos and chat with me and other anons. Cytube link: https://cytu.be/r/ashleyjones
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>>25392
what a cast of characters, what a talent. not blowin' smoke but SNL needs you
Replies: >>25475
>>25473
Lorne Michaels would not let her on, he's a kike. Tina Fey would go out of her way to destroy her publicly like what Tim Heidecker and Brett Gelman did to Sam Hyde at Adult Swim. SNL would much rather have someone like Caroline Konstnar since she's Jewish.
Replies: >>25480
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>>25475
That's true but SNL does need her if it wants to return to the glory days with the likes of Chevy Chase, John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd. Bill Murray, Jane Curtain. Right now it's all down hill for SNL.
are videos from Dailymotion no longer working on Cytube for anyone else?
they used to work and their FAQ still lists DM as a supported site
>>24673
>>24703
>its a clue that someone in the video will be eating shit


hey I wasnt that far off  >>>>24823

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Ashley isn't the world's best cook. And that's exactly why she's the world's best cooking teacher.

https://videos.icum.to/w/e5bTJCqxGfq14zfY25VG57
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>>25723
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Ashley would make a good housewife.
Replies: >>25945 >>25947
>>25941
I think you need to watch the video.
Replies: >>25949
>>25941
is that what the Stairway to Heaven is?
>>25945
And I don't think there's enough bubble gum in your spaghetti.

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I feel the desire to reply to some things I have read on https://icum.to/ Unfortunately, I have a full-time job and adult responsibilities to attend to as well, but I’ll go ahead and get some of my thoughts out now.

On Meat;
Eating purely vegan is a luxury we are only afforded by virtue of living in modern times. Yes, you can supplement and be (mostly) healthy, but this is to match what eating a balanced meat and vegetable diet will already do without needing supplements that we have to produce with measured, modern science. Otherwise, you are missing key nutrients that are fairly difficult to source (again, without modern easily accessible supplements). Also, we absorb meat protein significantly more efficiently than we do any kind of plant protein. And don’t hit me with that “if you want to eat meat then raise the cattle yourself and kill it” bullshit, be fucking for real. This hasn’t been the case since our species switched to building agrarian societies. I do however think you should be *okay* doing this (killing the animal) if you are a meat eater, and that the processes therein should not be hidden from the layman. This should be entirely transparent, even to children. I think the fact we don’t operate this way as a society speaks volumes to how we want people to perceive things (i.e., behind a veil) but that’s another tangent. Carnivore diet “people” are retarded, we never were and never will be carnivores. We are omnivores and operate best in this state.
Personally, I shop from my local co-op that has a meat department which sources everything from local farms. I can track exactly where it came from, how it was treated and how it was slaughtered. It costs a decent bit more than something like Wal-Mart but I think that’s a worthwhile trade-off. Also, it tastes way, way better. I believe you can taste when something has had evil done unto it. That is my schizo-statement of the day.

On Technology;
Myself and one or two of my friends have tried the whole “Let’s switch to [insert FOSS alternative to popular chatting software] so our friends can chat securely!” thing. It doesn’t work. It never, ever works and it’s never going to work. The internet is no longer by and for people who may be so inclined to install or tinker or learn. People do not want to do these things. They want to talk to their friends, their family, etc. and they are going to use whatever those people use. Inevitably, that is going to be the most accessible, easy to use thing. What WILL change is these services eventually erode, they get more boisterous with advertisements, they slow down, and just generally become shit. These are things that 90% of people DO notice (the other 10% stay behind and populate the old platforms like a ghost town. “I’m used to it!” is something I often hear, specifically with Facebook). These are things that allow up-and-comers to take market share and become the new de-facto social hub. This is exactly what happened with Discord. Most people used Skype or splintered off into the “nerdier” camps of TeamSpeak and Mumble, etc. prior to this, but Discord was easy to use for normies and had the quality out of the box that would take maintenance time and effort for someone coming from TeamSpeak. I would also like to briefly cover some of the alternatives provided,
-	Mastodon: This is the only remotely successful alternative here, while most normies left to Threads (e.g., the exact opposite, but it’s new and easy to use) the more “technical” Twitter users came here. I think it’s fairly active but it’s only those kinds of people.
-	Friendica: Barren wasteland. Facebook users are all Boomers and retarded Gen-Xers anyway so those people are locked in for life.
-	Pixelfed: Not a single Instagram user I know is going to use this. Uber-normies, band accounts, local restaurants / businesses, etc. are literally never going to switch to this.
-	Element: I have an entire rant about Element but tl;dr it’s trying to copy the look of something like Discord but ends up being a buggy mess and you still need to be “tech brained” to resolve certain errors that it throws. Hell, I’ve heard the tech-brained argument about DISCORD too. The underlying tech is fine, but the UX still needs tons of work. And having two clients (Element and Element X) is exactly the kind of shit that confuses the hell out of normies. I’ve found the most success in getting *some* of my friends to use Signal (emphasis on the “some”).
-	PeerTube: This one is also moderately successful, but I would argue it serves a different purpose to YouTube (where YouTube really doesn’t encourage embedding to other sites or personal pages anymore, PeerTube suits this use-case very well).
-	Aether: Okay Reddit is so shit that I might be tempted to try this one. But again, look at all the shit I just wrote and the fact I’m on this website. There are several things being selected for already that do not encompass the average Reddit user.
“Is the extra 1-7 seconds of convenice is really worth the data collection to you?”
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RELEPHANTPARATIONS NOW
>>25875
>>25878
>>25879
I disagree, I think its interesting to hear peoples reactions to Ashley's articles from her website.
Replies: >>25895
>>25894
the last two replies are clearly in jest.
the joke is riffing on the guy who said "we should stop bumping!" and immediately people start replying with variations of "yes" "I concur" etc. therefore doing exactly the opposite of what the initial poster wanted and bumping the thread.
Replies: >>25897 >>25899
>>25895
First one was in jest too, wouldn't have bumped it and explicitly said that if I didn't want more people replying ;)

>>25882
I'm not too familiar with elephant sperm collection, is fisting the normal procedure? I know penile stimulation via artificial vaginas or horse dummies is typically used for horses.
Replies: >>25899
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>>25895
>>25897

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Forgive me tubbies, for I have sinned...

Well, what did you do? Confess.
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>>25653
this is good advice but despite my recent flatulence I don't have to poop yet. I suspect this will all spill out of me in 4-5 hours

I still haven't had a drink yet. There's one literally 4 feet away from me but I would have to stand up to get it. the ice is melting in it as we speak

>>25654
nice. what did you have for dinner?
Replies: >>25660
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As I'm currently immobile, I'm entertaining myself by shitposting and looking through some of my pictures. I saw this one. I want to curl up in ashley's armpits and sleep there so bad, I bet they smell so good and are probably soft and moist
oh god I might be sick

should I just purge, roman-style? does that make me an anorexic? or is it bulimic? the ones that puke themselves after gorging
>>25650
I only experience over-eating during the holidays when I have to visit friends and family and eat everything they offer. Last Christmas I ate like a fucking king, For brunch I ate eggs, bacon, ham, french toast with powdered sugar and maple syrup with orange juice mixed with vodka and freshly made coffee. For dinner, I had a full plate consisting of turkey and ham with gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, a variety of vegetables, salad and pies and ice cream, All this while drinking beer and this tasty red wine that I kept pouring myself throughout the night. I think I drove to my parents' place drunk that night but it was only a 5 minute drive so not a big deal. I didn't eat until 6pm the next day since I was still bloated and shitting everything out throughout the day,
>>25655
>what did you have for dinner?

I have not made any dinner yet as there is no food here. I hqve to leave now and go to the grocery store.

hopefully I wont suffer the same conundrum as >>25645 and be struck with an itchy crotch during this task

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