/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

Discuss the world's funniest female comedienne, Ashley Jones.

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I can make her straight real quick
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I can make her lesbo again
I can make her make me a sandwich
That’s a tall order. She doesn’t know how to microwave cheese sticks
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straight quik you say? too rich for my blood.
I'd warm my cheese stick in her oven

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>>4000 GET
Replies: >>4000 >>4128
God damn it Derrick
there he goes again.gif
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Trying to shoot up a Walmart with horse dildos. That's so Derrick

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hi its izos , alo
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concerning how? I'm sorry anon, but college will probably destroy the person you used to know. best case scenario she avoids a good portion of the indoctrination and "only" escapes with a worthless degree and $40,000 in debt, but I wouldn't count on it
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I came home to my cat up in a tree with a SpaghettiOs can stuck on her head. Uh-Oh SpaghettiOs.
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>It's my fault the bird died
No it wasnt, like the other anon said, most ppl wouldnt have cared and left it there to die.
You didnt, you cared enough to take it with you, but despite all the years of domestication cats are still very much predatory animals and will hunt

I have that problem too

>They like to sleep at the foot of my bed together and it's like having a heated blanket.
one of the best things about cats, especially if they purr whilst lying there

Hey I had a cat like that. His name was Sam. I remember when we first got him and as a kitten we had to keep him confined to the laundry at times, so I would sit there with him for hours and he would climb all over me, purring so loudly his whole body would vibrate.
He died a few years back.
He was my best friend, I miss him still.
Replies: >>4006
Rip Sam
Nothing stays gold forever.
Stay gold Sammy boy. Stay gold.
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Enjoy the custom .css, I tried my best to make it usable while still having character for the season. If any of you don't like it, you're a baby bitch.

I made a GTK3 theme for Linux. Please, for the love of god, somebody humor me and install the theme. The theme has:
Blue Christmas GTK3 theme
Red folder icons
3 Christmas cursors
Blue Christmas terminal appearance
Animated Christmas tree click-and-drag desktop widget
Look and install the theme: https://icum.to/making-gtk-theme-linux/

I managed to make a click-and-drag Christmas tree desktop widget. Bring a little Christmas cheer to your desktop if you use Linux. Hope things work as intended. Feedback is welcome.

My homepage is also Christmas themed. Again, only baby bitches don't like festive .css and html, which adds soul and life to the internet. You aren't a lil baby bitch, are you?
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This is great. Makes me wish there was a Monkey Island-esk retro Ashley video game.
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crap we forgot to make one of these
Replies: >>3934 >>3939
Oh shit that's perfect. ash get off your ass and make it happen!
Replies: >>3939
oh hey she did it, nice work anon >>3931
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Well god damn. Thank you guys. All I did was photoshop a Garfield picture. It's not like I'm Ashley's favorite retard or anything.

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It’s snow time everyone!
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It's not snowing here yet,
I feel like the past 8 years or so, southern New England has had such mild winters
It might be any year now that we don't get snow once....
Pic is from last week, I was having a romp around the woods with the deer, chasing them all around.
Replies: >>3790 >>3802
Pissing the bed can keep you warm, though
If you find deer that are used to seeing people, sometimes they'll come close enough and you can feed them. It reminds me of this video
https://youtube.com/watch?v=MUINFs1Sp94 [Embed]
Replies: >>3813
Nice shot. I usually have deer come around to try to get at my garden. This year they even came on to my porch and ate my rose bushes. I think during the winter though they go to a different neighborhood though.

not the best photo but watch the trailer to see what i meen.jpg
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Does anyone else think the female character (played by Léa Seydoux) in the new Death Stranding 2 trailer looks a bit like Ashley? like if she had that hairstyle? They both kind of have similar eyes, cheekbones and jawline as well 

https://youtube.com/watch?v=tp6fSjMb0MQ [Embed]

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ITT post sexy criminals
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she looked even better before she went in
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isn't that charlize theron on the right?
>tfw no literal retard gf
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Replies: >>3798
What's the QRD on this guy again?
Vaxxmaxxed his wife to death then cashed in on the insurance money to do secret camping with his gay neighbor who he was having an affair with. Now that I think about it the story is a lot like that netflix documentary where the guy pushed his wife down the stairs. Honey, come to the top of the stairs I want to show you something really cool.

want t.png
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The modern web is garbage, why try to spread Ashley online when we should all want to spread Ashley in real life? This is the Spread Ashley Campaign.

Do your part to share her videos with the world. There are many ways you can do this. Let us discuss how we would spread Ashley.

I will be contributing to the Spread Ashley Campaign. I've made a few fliers for the cause.

All fliers these would be ideal inside toilet stalls, by bus stops, on lamp posts, a communal billboard. (That is, if you get consent from the property owner of these places.) You could also put these on people's cars (with their consent. Ask the owner of the car if you have their permission to put the flier on their car).

Challenge mode: Take a picture of the flier where you posted it. You will gain extra internet points.
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Big route today. Made about 30 or so drops. Obviously couldn't snap a pic of every one but here are a few. Was going to hand some out to bums but didn't come across any being that it was rainy and shitty all day
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and someone will be taking home a very special poinsettia this season
Replies: >>3735 >>3737 >>3738
thumbs up man.jpg
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great work getting out there and spreading Ashley's butthole to the public and the card looks great too.
This is absolutely hilarious. The poinsettias made me audibly laugh. fantastic job anon.
This man is doing the lord's work. Great locations to drop these, I like how you put the mstab8 card next to the gay people hugging each other. Yes, that art style is supposed to represent actual gay people.

>and someone will be taking home a very special poinsettia this season
kek this is pure gold. If I was going to a shoe store I would slip one into a shoe.

heritage turkey.jpg
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Howdy, Pilgrims!

It's that time of year again. The comfiest of comfy holidays. Let us break bread, forgive each other for our transgressions, and be thankful for what we have.

What are your plans for turkey day? What are you cooking/eating? What are you thankful for this year?

I will start with the obvious: I'm thankful that Ashy came back.
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Cost be damned. If you're clearing a micky in 1 sesh then it's best not to get handles. You could kill yourself. We're probably at about the same fighting weight. Typically I clear a 750 of whiskey and a six pack if I'm staying up late on the weekend.
I'm glad you volunteered this info. It reaffirms my hypothesis that dropping the mstab8 cards at liquor stores and beer distributors is probably the best strat. Ashley's core demo is neurotics, alcoholics, and broken people that are all sardonically mad at the world.
Replies: >>3503
Why do you drink? I'm not judging, just curious.I don't relate to the "masking problems" mindset, would rather change my surroundings or work on myself than rely on substances. Are you concerned about the long term effects of alcohol?

>dropping the mstab8 cards at liquor stores and beer distributors is probably the best strat.
I have a suspicion that getting raging alcoholics with a truck load of problems oozing over an internet girl isn't the best idea. You aren't wrong though, the demographic here is virgins and alcoholics, we need a few more semi-sane people here.
Replies: >>3507 >>3522
You're right and also it occurred to me that a lot of the drunks probably won't happen to find the card hidden in the packaging. I'm sticking with going around to businesses downtown in the city and around the college campus where there are a lot of shops.
I will down like half the bottle of the cheapest Vodka, in one go to get the buzz going, then I have 1 or 2 cans of bourbon and cola.
Yeah, Im concerned with the health problems. The last month or so my sides around my stomach/rib area have began to hurt a lot and Ive gotten the shakes a bit the morning after
My sleep is really really poor. I get decent hours but the sleep quality is complete shit.
and the obvious weight gain
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I used to work in a high-end liquor store. Sometimes a fifth is cheaper that the handle. Sometimes a liter is cheaper than both. If you buy small bottles to keep yourself from drinking too much in one night, you have a problem. I buy fifths because I liked the way they looked behind my minibar. I'm more of a teetotaler than a social drinker. I do drink, just not enough. I wanted to learn to mix drinks because it's like chemistry. I'm still ticked about losing my whiskey collection. I had some hard to find whiskeys and bourbons like Blanton's. I had the  Blanton's full line up. Vodka is shit. So are most tequilas. I go for Tito's vodka now but only to make Vodka sauce with. I only have a bottle of Jägermeister Scharf now. It's hot ginger. I take a swig of it when I shoot something. I also have pic related. It's from a now defunct distillery. They were well liked but the economy killed them. It's Carolina Reaper and Ghost Pepper vodka. It's too hot to handle. I don't even dare to take a shot of it. A coworker did and he went home early because it fucked up his stomach bad.

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Alright Ashley, enough's enough! You've had your fun but I have to get to work tomorrow. So where'd you hide my penis.
Replies: >>3513
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She hid it in my asshole. Come and get it sweetie!
Replies: >>3508
We talkin boy penis?
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hey taz, want to join my secret club? we're going to take over the world and stuff
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Have you looked under the couch?
If she has it youre likely never getting it back btw...

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