/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

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Gather as we celebrate the 27th year of our Queen, Ashley Jones! 

Since her return that was 4 years ago, she has gifted us with insightful documentaries, humorous sketches based around her quirky characters, educational videos focused on vintage technology, and so much more!

Thank you Ashley for providing a place where we can laugh, learn, share and converse in many topics on this imageboard you have created for us, whether we are singing the blues or bored to tears, we always find ourselves coming back here. 

Happy Birthday!
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>>6074
I join in to wish you happy birthday Ashley and thank you Anon for remembering
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>>6074
Wow that's so sweet. REEEE WHY ARE THERE NO NEW GIFT CARDS IN MY INBOX NOR NO NEW MONEROS DONATED TO ME????

I'M OLD AND POOR. But thanks. But ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Ok I feel better now. Three more to thirty, how old are you people? I'm going to drown out my sorrows at a Chinese Buffet right now. I hope they have wheelchairs there, because I'm not going to be able to walk after what I do to that buffet.
Ashley is going to join the 27 club after "ironically" shoving a dildo down her throat and chocking on it.
That's my prediction on who's going to die in 2026.
When I'm proven correct, donate your XMR to your local Mexican who needs it more than ever now that they're on the run from ICE agents and are hiding in the basements like Afghan women.
>>6076
>I hope they have wheelchairs there, because I'm not going to be able to walk after what I do to that buffet.
BuffettGate.
>>6074
I remember watching this Garfield and Friends show on Boomerang when I was a kid and this birthday scene lives rent free in my mind. 
https://youtube.com/watch?v=sSwfPNY9Orw
>>6078
>hahaha that would be soooo funny if you shoved a dildo down your throat
>hahaha
>haha please shove a dildo down your throat ashley
>please
>>6086
Don't forget the "ironically" aspect of it.
>>6076
You don't look very old in your birthday suit. Are you going to the Chinese buffet because kids eat free?
Happy late birthday
>>6076
happy birthday dude
Friendly reminder: Ashley still remains a Zoomer despite her insistence to the contrary.
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Ok girls, looks like the big day has finally come to a close. Thankfully someone did donate $60, of which half of it went to the server costs. Is it wise to spend the remaining $30 on terrorist trading cards?

I wanted to steal food from the buffet but this Asian woman did her job very well and refilled my drink and took my dirty plates quickly, so I couldn't pop a cold spring roll into my god's pocket without her seeing (if they can see through those slivers they call "eyes"). Not a big deal. I did unspeakable things to that buffet that my body has yet to expel, so my body is cosplaying pooh bear right now.

After the buff (buffet), I placed my belly in a wheelbarrow and waddled to a thrift store. Accidentally let a few loose, if you know what I mean. Luckily my life partner was next to me, so the store attendees definitely thought it was him squeezing out those Chinese scents.

I purchased a number of items relating to vintage technology. Specifically, a vintage phone I have been wanting to purchase was actually at the thrift store, which was a big surprise. I never see unique phones in thrift stores, and never ones that I have on a mental wish-list. It allegedly had issues with volume, but after opening it up and testing the wire connection with a multimeter, it seems fine, so I will test later.

I also purchased two VHS tapes -- one, a blank sealed tape, and the other is relating to 1800's westerners, which I have an interest in. I also purchased a phone accessory which extends the rj11 cord used on phones. I also found a large woodgrain clock radio, which works and the volume can get louder than my current daily driver clock radio.
>>6107
>life partner
Lmao only lesbians say life partner. Imagine admitting this unprompted. Does he know? Or was your life partner your mom or a body pillow? Nothing says romance like needing supervision.
>>6107
>terrorist trading cards
Tubbies, is this a sneak peak into a prop for Taz Goes to War 2????????
>>6108
You've got a lot of experience with lesbians, did all the women you spoke to happen to be one?
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>>6108
>not understanding irony
Do you have autism or are you just retarded? Although, I admit that I do thoroughly enjoy referring to Ashley as my "life partner" because of how hard it triggers chuds such as yourself. Enjoy seething on this lame imageboard while I blow another massive, supplement-enhanced load inside of my life partner.
t. JK (Jon Korn)
>>6111
Confirmed as real btw.
>>6110
>>6111
>>6112

>triggers chuds such as yourself
I'm not the one deleting shit samfag

Male students show more tolerance for political enemies than females show for their own allies
https://expression.fire.org/p/male-students-show-more-tolerance
>>6113
>samfag
whats a samfag?
>Male students show more tolerance for political enemies than females show for their own allies
this nigga thinks hes ashley's ally, this nigga thinks he's ashley's top guy
>>6114
some nigga got called life partner
>>6113
Why does me having a supplement-enhanced husband offend you so much? Are you afraid you're missing out on the EXPLOSIVE fun?

And what I deleted was spam you schizo, Mini Jimmy. Go to your containment thread on your containment board.
>>6116
no I'm an autistic retard so to find out if it's really your birthday i'm going to ruin it
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>>6115
I WISH SOMEONE CALLED ME THEIR LIFE PARTNER.
I WISH I HAD A LIFE PARTNER.
WHAT'S YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEM WITH THAT TERM!?
>>6117
It was over an hour ago dumby
>>6118
if you want a life partner so bad then go get fucked on brokeback mountain faggot
>>6119
it was over long before that
>>6120
Thank you for your personal experienced wisdom on the matter.
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>>6120
rude
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>>6120
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>>6124
>>6107
This is WESLEY REEEESE and I will never give you any money because you go out and waste it on useless shit that I can find in an old drawer at my grandma's house.
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>>6120
tsk tsk tsk, where are ur manners, young man?
>>6111
What pills can increase my load size?
>>6128
Finasteride.
>>6128
Its a meme. It doesn't really work.
>>6128
Just eat subway everyday and molest kids
>>6128
L-arginine, pygeum, lecithin, zinc. Go easy on the zinc and never take it on an empty stomach. L-arginine is fun though, it's like low-dose viagra. I like to take 5 grams about an hour before sex, it makes your cock crazy hard and more sensitive. Don't take it if you have heart problems. Ashley complains that it makes my schlong too big but idc I make her take it anyway.
https://thunders.place/male-supplements/holy-grail-of-cum-load-increase.html
>>6130
>Its a meme. It doesn't really work.
I guarantee 100% you've never tried it. It works. You're not shooting a firehose of cum or anything but you definitely get noticeably bigger loads.
>>6132
Lies. This is just Ashley posting.
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>>6130
It works. I have some PG-13 proof. My poster got hit -- friendly fire. From perhaps 5 feet away. You're telling me that "doesn't work"? 5 feet? That load traveled an entire person. It would've kept going if Beavis' legs didn't stop it.

I advocate for men to invest in not only supplements for health, but for bodily amusement. And not just for amusement of oneself, but for the amusement of others such as his wife.

>>6134
This isn't a TikTok Tranny experiment. This is real life. Women get loads. Cope harder.
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>>6131
>>6135

...hold up did you just admit to being a whore?? okay den. why so serious about the ai porn?? what's your @??
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bruh
>>6135
Beavis is shivering as he can feel the cold semen dripping down his legs, tingling his senses to his core, while his nose bleeds from extreme arousal and blood pressure.
>>6137
yeah wtf i thought she was a nun, waht gives!?
>>6137
I've only ever been with one person and that person's bodily fluids is on my poster in that picture as proof of claim.

>why so serious about the ai porn
>>>/ashleyj/37807
>>6138
this is going to need to come in XXXL for mini jimmy.
>>6142
That would imply Ashley was his to begin with.
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>>6142
>>6142
lmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooo
>>6143
Simping is not reciprocal faggot
what do you guys think dreams are like for animals? do they have a concept of dreams being "not real" like we do, or are they just a bizarre, hallucinatory extension of their overall life experience?
Replies: >>38776
>>6137
exactly she is only admitting to being a whore. how does that make me look bad. women always go after faggy little wimps who play at acting men and use sex with a girl to prove their masculinity. all these relationships end up in domestic abuse and cheating. it's common for women to have a one night stand with some guy they think they like only to catch an std and stay with him through the abuse. shit doesn't bother me in the slightest because i don't fuck around. i already some retard show up at my job thinking i was flirting with his wife. apparently he ran his mouth to her at home. when he got to my job he didn't say shit to me.
>>6141
how did you get rid of the std?
>>6147
mini jimmy melty time
>>6145
I think sheep go to sleep counting humans jumping over office chairs.
>>6147
>all these relationships end up in domestic abuse and cheating
Cope and mindless babble. Nobody is trying to "make you look bad" -- that is just your ego finding a way into a conversation about proof of cum (POC).

>>6148
Why would I want to get rid of it?
>>6141
ew that’s not something you admit out loud
>>6147
>exactly she is only admitting to being a whore.
yeah apparently she has sex with her husband, what a little slut
>tfw ferociously beating off by a poster to show up jon korn
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>>6141

so your completly ok with this?
Replies: >>38773
>>6155
Well the horse dildo isn't black, so no.
Replies: >>38773
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>>6155
>shaved
>>6155
fucking gross. whoever put that wall paper up is a fucking retard. maybe they should have used some of your life partners cum
>>6158
>interior decorating 101
Are you someones life partner, homo?
>>6159
no i'm not a middle aged mom who abandoned their family to marry some dyke bitch or some chad with a motorcycle
>>6160
what about a dyke with a motorcycle
>>6161
they are called dykers stupid
>>6162
kek
>>6160
yeah youre just a faggot
>>6164
that must be why uk girls like me so much
>>6165
Uh huh, cool buddy. Tell us more.
>>6165
Those girls have penises btw
>>6166
i told you ashley had a cum fetish
>>6168
The entire point of procreation is to have a fixing for cum. It is abnormal for a female to dislike cum. To test cum appreciation, cum on a females face. If recoiled, she is unworthy.
>>6169
I cum on my fist and punch them in the face with it like a cum hadoken
>>6170
i do that to o expcet i punch my mouth
>>6172
mom*
>>6146
great question, I think they don't even have the concept of reality and fantasy, I imagine they live very much in the moment so dreams and reality are only two worlds they keep jumping between and they enjoy both equally
>>6146
if pets thought dreams were real they would wake up angry that they arent in a endless paradise they dreamed of. im sure they know its not real.
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>>6156
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>>6171
Big fluffy haircuts almost sidestep the way AI generated people have a screwed up a spinal dynamic. Their heads don't ever have quite the right heft, position or support.

>>6113
This is very interesting but their data doesn't support their conclusion. You can look at what the graph says and it clearly shows that a rightmost female is about as tolerant of right-wingness as a middle-of-the-road male. Basically the same result for the left. It's still a great effect but it isn't an effect vaster than the entire political spectrum, it's an effect worth about half the political spectrum.

I should look into what views women/men of various persuasions tend to censor...
>>38765
I applaud you Anon, finally something that saves the thread
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coincidence?
>>38770
She's perfect for the anon here who doesn't like girl butts.
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>>38740
GYAT DAYUM! Are you sure it was those supplements that made him do that and not you ??
>>38739
>>38755
>>38758
>>38761
(⊙‿⊙)
  ╰U╯
>>38730
It's an extension of their abstract yet simple life experience. They have no concept of true language, they meander about life in the same way you wander around in a shallow dream of a familiar place. They think in images and sounds based on straightforward basic memories.
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>>38765
Oh wow, this artistry is unworthy of being posted in such a dump. This is the best of your work yet, because there is something packed in every pixel and it portrays my, I mean Derricks, room so well. I enjoy the subtle call-backs to things I mentioned in videos or that were in skits, like my "I'm ready" drawing that got me in trouble. Welcome to Hell which is on Derrick's HTML page. https://dukenukemis.cool/derrick/ 
Or the mannequin head, or Derrick's grandma and grandpa. Accurate with the pugs because they were doing that just the other day and I'm pretty sure he got it in a few inches. Not in me -- in my other dog. I'm out of peanut butter.

Seriously, my favorite part is Chester. I can't stop zooming in on him because he's weirdly cute. Not the first time I've called a pedophile cute -- I'm a Michael Jackson fan. But I love his bright colors and his rosy cheeks. Why is he so cute there?

I also have to appreciate all of the cockroaches, because I really love cockroaches. The Brave Little Toaster may need repairing from the looks of it. Dick on the Magazine is so fabulous, those magazine pages better be sticky on the inside with a cover like that.

Also the clock is very accurate to my clock. Which for some reason gets hot. Very cool that Derrick is into saving water by peeing into old soda bottles. Now I just have to spot the poopsock. Oh there it is. I love the ant farm, how does he feed them?

I found the Mountain Dew in the ice bucket funny, because the other day I was thinking of doing exactly that with peasant drinks like Mr. Pibb. Maybe Derrick should pop one of those piss bottles into the ice bucket. Fancy piss.

The airplane is awesome, I think I spot a terrorist with a LiveLeak victim, right?

The pages are sticky in the satanism book too, right? They better be sticky if picrel is in that book.

These drawings never disappoint. It makes me feel like finishing another skit when I have time.
>>38779
I forgot to namefag that post.
>>38779
I'm glad you like it, I now have a hunch back from the amount of time I spent at my desk drawing this shart. This is my final MS paint by the way, now I can finally use my drawing tablet and figure out how to use Photoshop. Looking forward to posting more sketches in the future.
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>>38779

>I also have to appreciate all of the cockroaches, because I really love cockroaches.

ashley likes turkish men
>>38765
awesome work as always matey, love all the details in it.
>BBC
Ashley is a snowbunny and no one told me?
Replies: >>38788 >>38795
>>38787
EYYO EYYO EYYO WHERE DA BLACK BOOTY KWEENS AT!? EYYO EYYO EYYO SNOW BUNNIES NEVAH BLACK KWEENS FOREVER!
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>>38779
whore
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>>38765
UPDATED

My dumbass just noticed a small but also large spelling error, this has now been corrected. 

Ashley before you hang this up on your bathroom wall, please drink a large bottle of your homemade, open-source, carbonated beverage, print out the previous artwork, delete it from your hard drive, burn it and piss out the flames before some old lady calls the fire department on you.

HERE IS THE DEFINITIVE VERSION
>>38787
No. She is just messing with mini jimmy because he's racist. Ashley's prefers brown men and fat Jewish guys.
Replies: >>38804
>>38795
Part of her character
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