/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

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Spill the beans. Again.
I made an illegal U turn.
>>8494 (OP) 
I heated a beef burrito with my car vents and ate it half-frozen just now and also made illegal u turn
Just in case any horse related confessions need to be made:
>>>/horselovers/151
What ever happened to the Chinese thread?
>>8525
What chinese thread?
>>8525
I don't remember it either. We do have a spanish thread >>6851
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I want to rub onion oil all over ashley
>>8525
Spicy Chinese Thread
Replies: >>8531
>>8529
Is that turkey that I smeeeheeeheeel?
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>>8534 (from the previous thread)
>There's seriously a sus amount of golden shower stories going around on this board.
I hate to add to this, and it wasn't really a "golden shower" as it wasn't sexual, like at all, but here's my confession: I pissed my pants this morning.
Not like a "I can't hold it" scenario, but I had to get up early and woke up really, really needing to pee. So I beeline it towards the bathroom, pop the lid, and get my dick out through that little hole in front of the boxers. Which is weird, because I'm ALWAYS a pull-the-elastic-down-below-your-balls guy. Between the lack of sleep and using an unfamiliar technique, I somehow managed to not actually get my dick through the hole before I started pissing. I unleashed a huge stream of piss all over my underwear, legs, and the bathroom floor.
Remember how I said I was  in a hurry? So I basically just left my piss there and dropped my boxers to the floor, where they sat in a puddle of piss. I showered, got ready, etc. and then about an hour later after I was out my mom texted me asking why I pissed all over my underwear and left them in the hallway bathroom. I said "it was an accident" and I shit you not she texted back just saying "You're 27."
I'm still out right now but I know I'm going to have to face her later tonight after laser tag and I'm just not looking forward to it.
Replies: >>8538
>>8525
Maybe youre thinking about the jap guy that posts sometimes. I feel kinda gay because that guy got me craving some 2000's jav and i pounded to some.
Replies: >>8546 >>8570
>>8535
Weak confession. C'mon we need something better than that. You're 27
Replies: >>8541
>>8538
Fair enough..... hmm let's see. I grew up in a really small house and the only place to jerk off as a teenager was in the bathroom. The door didn't have a lock, so I'd basically stand over the toilet like I was peeing and rub one out into the bowl. My logic was that if someone opened the door it would look like I was just peeing. This was not the case, obviously, as I found out one time when one my little cousins we were watching threw the door open like he was doing an FBI raid. He ran out immediately, but later my mom told me that my aunt said that he told her there was something wrong with my penis. I guess my mom laughed her ass off and explained, because apparently she knew that I jerked off in the bathroom. I guess why else would a teenager spend 45 minutes taking a piss. So both my mom and my aunt are aware that I jerked off in the bathroom standing over the toilet. It's cool I guess because my aunt is a total MILF. I have a bunch of pictures of her I saved off Facebook and I fantasize about tapping that big fat mommy ass doggystyle and saying things like "Yeah, you gonna give me some more cousins? You wanna give me some more cousins you bitch?"

That's not even the confession though. My confession is this. Basically, if you've ever jerked off into a toilet bowl before, when you cum, it sort of splashes down into the water. It's a satisfying splorting kind of ker-bloosh sound. I kinda like it. Not really sexually, like I don't get off on it, but I like it. So even though mom and I moved to a much bigger house (thank god) sometimes I still jerk off into the toilet just to hear it. I've also tried cumming into the bathtub, but it's not as good I guess because the tub doesn't cause a big echo like the toilet bowl. Same thing with sinks, kitchen bowls filled with water, bird baths, etc. So yeah I like to drop my cum into water but nothing really beats the toilet bowl. These days I mostly pound out in front of my computer but probably 1 out of every 5 times if nobody else is home I'll run to the bathroom and nut into the toilet.
Replies: >>8543 >>8548
>>8541
>if you've ever jerked off into a toilet bowl before, when you cum, it sort of splashes down into the water
I know what you're on about. Ever since I've stopped jerking off, my dick involuntarily ejaculates after I pee now. It's such a strange sensation to cum without doing anything. Sometimes I'm surprised how much seed I spill post pee, but it doesn't feel nearly as good as bustin a nut. I've been holding the post piss nut in lately so can have a wet dream, but no luck so far.
Replies: >>8544
>>8543
I tried to do nut retention to build my t levels but I failed day 2. Instead ill keep cooming and just buy testosterone like all the troons do.
>I've been holding the post piss nut in lately so can have a wet dream, but no luck so far
Still waiting for my ashley wet dream.
Replies: >>8547
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The only dream I've ever had of Ashley involved me being at work of all places in dreamland fixing one of the machines and I noticed an emergency exit door was left open and there was a black cat that walked in and as I approached it Ashley suddenly appeared and we were both petting this cat without saying a single word to eachother and then I suddenly ended up in the backseat of a taxi and Antiques Guy was my driver and I listened to him speaking ill about Italians for awhile until I woke up to my alarm. Weird stuff.
>>8537
>Maybe youre thinking about the jap guy

HIS NAME IS TAHITI-CHAN!!!! 

and is he is busy vacationing because he ROVE VACATION
Replies: >>8570
>>8544
>I tried to do nut retention to build my t levels but I failed day 2.
2 days? That's it? C'mon man you can do better than that

>Instead ill keep cooming and just buy testosterone like all the troons do.
Melatonin is the only hormone you can actually buy legally over the counter in America. Your best bet is to get quality rest, eat nutritious food, and exercise to optimize testosterone.
>>8541
> I've also tried cumming into the bathtub,
>tfw when you cum in the bath tub and and pull the plug and you have to play "dodge the cum as it goes down the drown because cum plus water is super stickily so you dont want to it to get on you, plus you also dont want to leave cum residue in the tub incase the next family member finds out, but also when you dodge the cum successfully, you also have to watch to see if it goes down the little drain area cleanly, because sometimes it doesnt and it leaves cum residue on it and basically if your not trying to create babies seamen is kinda pain in the ass... unlesss youre shooting ropes onto a cute girls face,  I'm just saying is all
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sometimes I use the jet shower setting on the shower head to wash my ass crack
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>>8525
i don't rememberu a chinese thread but arru threads are japanese when i'm in them!! ╰(● ⋏ ●)╯

>>8537
itsu not gay tū fappu tū big boob JAV girrs!! ENJOY!! FAPPU BANZAI!! (づ ◕‿◕ )づ

>>8546
HAI! I rove vacation so much. Sankyuu for remember anon-kun. I so busy latest destination desu. fun in sun!!

_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_
Live for the moments that take your breath away.
Who You?: I am Tahiti. I rove vacation! 🗿🍹
<Ristening to: Aira Mitsuki - Special Live 090319 - Liquidroom - Robot Honey
<Rink: https://yt.funami.tech/watch?v=D3zkq1Ou3WY 🎵🕺
>Location: Margarita Island, Venezuela 🌏✈️
_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_
Here's my confession

- didn't wipe
- didn't flush
- didn't give a fuck
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>>8605
You forgot to confess that you're a badass.
>>8605
Not bothering to wipe is actually pretty good life advice. A shitty butthole is a small price to pay for an extra 3 days of lifetime to do whatever you want.

Don't believe me?

Say it takes, on average, 10 seconds to wipe. You take an average of 1 shit per day.

10 seconds * 365 days per year = 3,650 seconds per year spent wiping, or approximately 1 hour. 1 HOUR PER YEAR.

Most people are capable of wiping themselves around 3-4 years old. Let's say you live another 80 years. 80 years = 80 hours of wiping, or 3 days 8 hours.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend over 3 days of my life wiping my ass.
Replies: >>8609
>>8608
Impressive, though your math is very conservative. I spend at least 30 seconds ensuring my asshole is clean. You also don't take into account sexuality. Gay men are likely to waste at least an entire two weeks dedicated to cleaning their asshole when taking into account both exterior *and* interior.
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Whenever I use the bathroom stall at work I lock the middle stall door from the outside so nobody sits next to me whenever I drop a deuce because I hate it when people use the middle stall when other stalls are available and I have to listen to them shit. I also unroll a lengthy piece of toilet paper to cover the excessively large gap between the stall  door and frame so nobody peeps at me.
Replies: >>8614 >>8630
>>8610
>I hate it when people use the middle stall when other stalls are available and I have to listen to them shit

yeah the very rare times I need to use a public restroom, anyone in an adjacent stall always freaks me out.
I also only pee, I refuse to shit in a public toilet.
I just hold onto that shit inside my butt, like a man.
Then, when i get home i rain gravy into my bowl if you know what i mean
Replies: >>8629
>>8614
>I just hold onto that shit inside my butt, like a man.
Real men aren't afraid to shit in the public bathrooms. Little bitch boy
Replies: >>8633
>>8610
>I hate it when people use the middle stall when other stalls are available and I have to listen to them shit.

If I take the middle stall it's because there's shit all over the toilet seat in the other stall. Also, I shit as loud as possible to assert pooping dominance. I even make it sound like I'm cumming when I give birth to my beautiful brown babies.
>>8629
Pooping in public is a rape risk. You're already pantsless around other men *in the same room*. If they know your asshole is open and loosened up, it gets the other men around you horny and know that you're the one who can take it. Never poop in public, this is the best rape advice I can give.
Replies: >>8637
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>>8633
No need to live a life of fear! Just stop, drop, and open up!
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Ever go to a pay toilet and this happens?

Here I sit broken hearted
Spent a quarter only farted
Replies: >>8641 >>8649
>>8638
I've never encountered a pay toilet. Is this some shit they do in Chicago or LA?
Replies: >>8644
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>>8641
I don't know, it was just a joke.
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PSA: If you find this attractive you're a pedophile
Replies: >>8648
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>>8646
>>8638
I used to tip my toilet by flushing down a $5 bill whenever I took a good dump but it got expensive after awhile so I stopped.
Replies: >>8666
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>>8649
You should have used monopoly money, toilets are easy to fool, yea they are.
Replies: >>8675 >>8706
>>8666
I use a smart toilet that uses rectal recognition technology that also detects counterfeit money which can disable the water supply line preventing me from flushing my water babies.
Replies: >>8688
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>>8675
Have you thought of getting an outhouse?
Replies: >>8690
>>8688
I tried using an outhouse once and saw enough spiders inside to make me shit in the woods instead.
Replies: >>8691
>>8690
The outhouse is UNIX, minimalist, focused, and extensible hardware. Plumbing is bloat
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>>8666
>flush monopoly money instead
>posts a photo of europoor money getting flushed
Replies: >>8712
>>8706
European money really does feel like monopoly money. The different bill sizes is weird also.
Replies: >>8741
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>666
satanic get
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>>8712
you should feel Australian money, its un rip-able, comes in different widths and colours, so its so easy to sort and see in your wallet, its great!
nickelback isn't that bad
Replies: >>8780
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>>8777
Take a look at this giraffe, everytime I do it makes me laugh
Just took a dump bros
Replies: >>8838 >>8843
>>8837
Thanks for the update Ashley, what was the consistency? How many times have you defecated in the past seven days? We'll add it to your bowel movement log together
Replies: >>8843 >>8846
>>8837
>>8838
>We'll add it to your bowel movement log together


[Logs]
Date		       Events
05-27-2023	   1
Replies: >>8844 >>8846
>>8843
Hemorrhoid(s): 0
Replies: >>8846
Hemorrhoids Dad Defiant
>>8838
>>8843
>>8844
Fellas, that wasn't me, but another tubby who had a shit. I'll genuinely try my best to remember to update my Log Tracker™ along with the recipe of the shit.

[Logs]
Date		       Events		       Recipe
05-27-2023	       1                              Pearl onions, broccoli, rice, dollar store cookies
Replies: >>8848 >>8850
>>8846
Can we add columns for consistency, smell, and estimated diameter?
Yes I’m very certain everyone here is having a bowel movement or two a day result from the food they consumed
>>8846
Please include lube flavor and pink sonk regiment thank you
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More shit information please and not just from Ashley
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Call me crazy, But I remember there was a Chinese thread, I wonder what happened.
Replies: >>8885 >>8888
OP might have deleted it. I don’t remember seeing a Chinese thread and I spend way too much time checking this board
Replies: >>8887
>>8880
What was it about? My mom only allows me to visit /ashleyj/ since its a kid safe site and I dont remember seeing a Chinese thread.
>>8881
I visit this board like every day and I remember seeing it not too long ago. But yeah op probably deleted it.
>>8880
Xi Xing Ming put the thread into a Weiger camp to make your fagphones
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Instead of just talking about it for another week, I decided to go ahead and make an official Chinese thread:
/ashleyj/>>>8890

You're welcome, chinkbros.
Replies: >>8892
>>8891
whoops didn't realize you don't have to put the board in the link if the post is on the same board. whatever it still works
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Did you like Ashley because you like tomboys or like tomboys because you like Ashley?
>>8899
Neither, but I like Ashley. She ah da bess leik a spicy cheese stick she ah maka me a laugh AUHOoHoooHOo
Replies: >>8903
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>>8900
>lying on an anonymous ciggy butt board
>>8899
Tomboys because I like Ashley but not all tomboys and only Ashley tbh
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I can't get enough of this picture. you can see like 5 of them on the index page and I'm fine with it
My retard dog keeps waking me up in the middle of the night. Once I wake up there's no going back to bed for me. I've slept 3 hours for the past 2 days because of this ingrate faggot. I don't know what to do. It's 2am and I can't go back to bed.
Replies: >>8987 >>9009
>>8986
>>8986
Same except boner
>>8986

why is your dog waking you up? is it barking? scratching the door? humping your face?
whats going on anon? 
remember this IS a confession thread.....
Replies: >>9016
>>9009
before I go to bed I jerk off and cum on my stomach, and I'm usually too tired/depressed to clean it up. So he wakes me up by slurping up my cummy tummy. idk what to do bros
Replies: >>9028
i want to use Ashley's throat as my cock sleeve and bruise her cervix till it bleeds. just fuckin drench her dyke ass in my beaner Aztec cum. just sharing some pent up sexual desires I've had since i was a teenager
>>9016

i do that too, minus the dog.
I try and aim for my face (stfu its pride month) but Im lucky to shoot one rope and then dribble out the rest. And it like gets all stuck in my hairy pubes

>idk what to do bros
I think youve got a good clean up tool
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I enjoy plucking my nose hairs. Especially when I snag a huge thicc hair. I have a little nose trimmer attachment on my shaver but I choose to pluck them.

Also while I'm confessing I googled rule 34 on little caesars and wasn't disappointed.
Replies: >>9049
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>>9038
I like sometimes to tear the hair that grows on the sides of my balls and below them. Pretty weak hairs grow there, which are easy and not painful to tear down, it's like an anti-stress toy for me.

Since we are talking about hair, here is another story from my life. My beard and mustache are growing very poorly, in general it looks in this picture of Ashley. The beard grows well only on the chin and neck with unsightly tufts of hair, with unsightly tufts of hair neckbeard, yeah. And everything that is close to the cheeks is empty. And also very thin mustaches that grow chaotically in a small amount I think it's called a virgin mustache. In the end, I decided to buy XINOXIN, and have been using it for about three months now. The result is good, I think a little more and it will be perfect. BUT, as a bonus, my eyebrows have grown significantly upwards, and now my eyebrows look like they are from some kind of anime villain, they growing higher and higher. It looks ridiculous, but I think I will live with them for the rest of my life now.
Replies: >>9058 >>9060 >>9069
>>9049
>BUT, as a bonus, my eyebrows have grown significantly upwards, and now my eyebrows look like they are from some kind of anime villain, they growing higher and higher. It looks ridiculous, but I think I will live with them for the rest of my life now.

I need to see this, even a poorly drawn representation of it down in Paint will suffice


I confess, I still pick my nose. its just more efficient then using a tissue.
I just wipe the booger on the desk and it will dryout and become crusty. 
it will stick to the desk so I have to scratch off, and when its scratched off I just flick it off my desk.
I always place the boogers on the front left corner area of the desk, so if I ever kidnap you and force you to sit at my desk and record a hostage video, avoid that area of the desk if the thought of dried up boogers grosses you out.
Replies: >>9068
>>9049
Cool beans. I like the ingrown hairs you sometimes get after shaving that creates a juicy pimple which you pierce the surface with a pair of tweezers then squeeze out the puss and you get a nice thick hair that pokes out and you rip it out with the tweezers and you're left with a small bloody whole for everyone to see,
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>>9058
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating about how unusual my brows looks. I have light brown hair, and the only camera I have is on a cheap chinese phone, so in the photo it is hardly noticeable. But I notice the difference when I look in the mirror. And even thiner brow hair has begun to connect to the side hairline, but they only visible if you look too closely.
Replies: >>9069 >>9092 >>9179
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>>9049
>>9068
.Be careful, keep using Xinoxin and your face could eventually look like this.
Replies: >>9092
>>9068
you look fine, im disappointed tbh

>>9069
thats probs an improvement!


confession, Im a horrible human being
Forgive me Ash for I have sinned, I once jerked off in the bathroom of a customs house, came in my left hand and wiped it on the Canadian flag on the way back to my truck.
Forgive me Ash for I have sinned, I once knew a woman who told me she was raped only to find it was definitely a lie. I was so angry that I wanted rape her just so that she wouldn't be a liar and I could forgive her.
Forgive me Ash for I have sinned, although it rarely ever happens, whenever I wipe and a finger accidentally touches my asshole I...I bring it up to nose for a quick sniff.
Replies: >>9122
Forgive me Ash for I have sinned, it's been two hours since my last confession. As a child I stayed up to watch a horror movie. Instead of being scared, I thought I had discovered knowledge that I wasn't supposed to have yet. A woman is possessed and is painting her face and breasts with lipstick and she pushes the lipstick inside of her nipple like it was a pocket. I had smugly walked along for years thinking that was why women had boobs, because they were like pockets. I was around 4 or 5 at the time.
>>9119
if this is a sin then I'm going straight to hell
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For the longest time I've had a crush on Sarah Silverman even though she's a retarded Jew.
>inB4 fridge pics
She's worked on her body since then and looks much better now.
>>9138
I might be able to cure you of this unfortunate affliction. Every time you find yourself feeling attracted to this disgusting old hag, force yourself to remember that Jimmy Kimmel slammed his spunk into each and every one of her holes.
>>9138
I liked Sara before all the woke shit happened. She just seems laid back and fun to hang around. Also I feel like she would be a great mom to have kids with. Physically shes not really attractive at all but maybe she loves giving blowjobs. Now I’m imagining Ashley with a blowjob fetish. Like you wake up and she’s under the covers rubbing one out while choking herself on your schlong. Or gets all pouty when you’re trying to leave for work and demands you’re not allowed to leave until you “gib her milkies” 
Ah what a life
Replies: >>9148
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>>9147
>“gib her milkies”
Replies: >>9151
>>9138
Goyim, is this a confession? Or just you sharing your poor taste in women! Oi vei! Tell me about the time you fucked your sister or something worthy of this thread
Replies: >>9166
>>9148
I don’t know it was off the top of my head but I could see her having cute nicknames for it
>>9150
>Or just you sharing your poor taste in women!
That's why I'm here.
Replies: >>9168 >>9169
>>9166
C'mon jack. Don't you got something a little more wild?
>>9166
>>9138
Thanks for sharing Ashley, this will help a lot for our next targeted ad campaign against you
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Sarah Silverman was hot in Wreck It Ralph.
Replies: >>9180
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>>9068
aww man, you dont look like an anime villian at, you look pretty normal and boring

well

That is until you slant your head side ways and your eyebrow kinda looks like a runway strip of vagina hair or maybe I watch too much porn
>>9171

HOLY FUCK I WANT STAB MY EYES OUT
I must confess I still believe (Still believe)
When I'm not with you, I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time
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Why do I get a little turned on watching this? Not joking.
Replies: >>10204
>>10194
are you imagining yourself as the bear or the woman? Either way it's weird, but only one answer makes it not gay
While laying in bed I like to rest my head between two pillows and pretend they're a fat woman's breasts and the mattress is her large belly. Fuck I'm lonely.
Replies: >>10771 >>10810
>>10716
based and BBW-pilled

but just to clarify anon, you're saying that her entire belly is the bed in this scenario? So she's like a fat giantess, and you're laying on her abdomen and using her tits as pillows?

sounds comfy ngl
>>10716
When Im in bed, I like to wrap my pillow around my fleshlight and pretend Im sleeping with a girl. Fuck Im lonely as well.
Replies: >>10814 >>10817
>>10810
Sometimes I pretend my pillow is Ashley and caress and kiss it and I always start fucking it until I cum all over it I can feel the cum drain directly from my balls "normal" masturbation isnt the same I cant get off to normal porn anymore Ashley please help  the laxatives are activating 
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>>10810
Unlike women, pillows can't say no and pillows don't have pubes or constantly incorrect opinions. I don't see the problem here.
Replies: >>10818
>>10817
Is it gay to sleep on a pillow that will stink with your cock and balls and cum?
Replies: >>10819
>>10818
Just let your dog clean it up. They're basically cum jannies.
Replies: >>10821
>>10819
how do you know this anon
Replies: >>10824
>>10821
My dog cleans up my cum for me?
My step-dad molested me as a kid. He would come into my room to "read me a bedtime story" even though I was a bit too old for that (this happened for about a year when I was 11). Basically he would make me let him suck my dick. Now as an adult I rationalize that it could have been much worse, i.e., he could have been sodomizing me or worse. But what I can't let go of is how he would do it. It didn't happen every single time he came to read me a goodnight story, but I knew when it was going to happen because he'd start humming Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles" before tickling me and pulling my pants down. He would sing, "Making my way downtown" in this really grotesque sing-song voice while running his hands down my abdomen and groin. In 2004 when the movie "White Chicks" came out I went with my best friend and his parents to see it. When this scene with the song played https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RNG_tTXXcg I started completely freaking out. I now know that it was a pretty severe panic attack. But as the whole theater was laughing uproariously, I was wheezing and crying. My friend's parents thought I was having some kind of allergic reaction. They couldn't get ahold of my parents (thank god) so they took me to the emergency room. Long story short I broke down in front of some nurse lady and told her everything. My stepdad was never arrested as far as I know but my mom did break up with him. As an adult I can obviously see how this story would be pretty funny, but having lived through it I have trouble seeing the humor.
>>10825
I'm sorry you went through that anon. I totally understand why it's not funny to you, but tragedy makes some of the greatest comedy. You should consider telling this story at a comedy club. Now before anyone thinks I'm being an insensitive prick hear me out, it could be like a theraputic release so you don't always have to keep it bottled up. On a side note, did your friend ever find out the truth?
I want to bite off Ashley's bunions and fry them. Bacon, Eggs, and bunions.MmmMMmm
>>10825
At least he read you a bedtime story and sang you a song about going downtown.
My abuser, my uncle, would just go to town on my downtown, painted the town red.
No song or anything.

https://youtu.be/rZSklx9wKdY
Replies: >>10849
>>10825
>>10846
Which one of you is Ashley?
Sometimes i accidentally type the captcha in the password box
its really embarrassing and I feel really stupid afterwards.

I just needed to get that off my chest.
Ty for reading.
I've kissed a guy at party one time and I liked it. I'm NOT gay. It was just one time.
Replies: >>11107 >>11108
>>11105
It's never gay as long as your balls don't touch.
>>11105
I've never kissed anyone but have fantasized about kissing smooth boys and girls
you ever look up at the clouds in the sky and pretend its the ground and youre falling to your death?
Replies: >>11231
>>11228
No but only because the raptillian propaganda says that it's outer space instead of the core of existence
Replies: >>11235
>>11231
nigga u aint even a lizard GFTO
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Someone called me a carnie because of the blue hair. They said I looked like I should be selling them popcorn and carnival tickets. They also said my shoes are already the size of clown shoes.
>>11444
That's simply not true Ashley! You look fucking cool and pretty<3 I love you
>>11444
Nooo, don't kill yourself Ashley! We don't want to lose such a good carnival worker. Just take off your red nose for a while and eat some cotton candy, then you won't regret your career choice.
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>>11444
>They also said my shoes are already the size of clown shoes.
Im sorry but that is hilarious!!!

but even if you did look like a carnie, Im sure you would still be the cutest, funniest and coolest carnie around.
Hell I'd waste my money on their rigged games or flat out risk my life on of their dodgy rides just to buy a ticket from you.
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Whenever I feel suicidal I imagine a cute Japanese/Chinese girl sitting in my lap and then spitting/vomiting in my mouth while she pees on me. I want to be peed on. Not in a stream, more in a slow feeling of warmth being spread as she soaked through her underwear and my pants. Then she would bite my neck and lap at the blood and tell me how much she knows I love her little tiger teeth. We do not have SEX, obviously (sex is disgusting).
Replies: >>11458
>>11444
You don't have enough track marks and missing teeth to be a carnie, so your accuser is naive and misinformed, and you know what they say about big feet.

Forgive me Ash for I have sinned. It's been many moons since my last confession as I have been gooning out in the desert on ayahuasca to find my spirit guide but neither of us ever came. Anyways, the sin, I once stuck my erect penis inside of a jar of peanut butter at a friends house after he pissed me off. Afterwards I never went back there and I never knew what happened with it.
Replies: >>11453
>>11452
>I once stuck my erect penis inside of a jar of peanut butter at a friends house
>I never knew what happened with it
You then got your dog to help you clean it off, duh.
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>>11450
goddamn anon
Replies: >>11461
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>>11458
The name is Sumire Kuramoto ;)

Here's some spit related content she is in.
https://www4.javhdporn.net/video/miaa-592/
https://www4.javhdporn.net/video/miaa-808/
https://www4.javhdporn.net/video/mtall-061/
https://www4.javhdporn.net/video/nhdtb-690/

Definitely in my top ten. Very cute. Wonderful smile. Unshaved pussy (imagine the cunnilingus; I shudder). Nice breasts. What more needs to be said? Remember that anytime you feel like taking that shotgun and finally ending it all, you can always find something else to finish first.
Replies: >>11464
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>>11461
>strap in to watch her classic hit “Teacher, Everything Is So Wet With Spit… Want Some More?” Temptress S*t That Excels
>click randomly
>picrel
Replies: >>11466
>>11464
Who wouldn't want a footjob from a girl THAT cute in a swimsuit? I think she has nice legs.
>>1466
needs bigger feet and a green swimsuit tbqh fam
Replies: >>11474
>>11472
Them's some mighty specific tastes you have there anon
Replies: >>11510
>>11474
it was just a reference to Ashley's green swimsuit you can briefly see during the bath tub scene in TikTok Tranny. plus her large feet gods i wish she would step on my neck with those two cinder blocks of hers... :( 
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I just ate an entire box of cheezels in one sitting :(
>>11444
I'll take an admission ticket. Wanna ride the tilt-a-whirl? https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=7wQUpg3yEYQ
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guys I walked in on my gf like this
Replies: >>11724 >>11756
>>11721
you then proceeded to rape make love to her yes?
Replies: >>11758
>>11721
oh naw im goonin again
>>11724
dude do you not see her muscles? no way. i hate muscles.
Replies: >>11759
>>11758
nah muscles are great on girls because its like an added challenge to overcome when they try to wrestle and fight to get away from me
Replies: >>11760
>>11759
>nah muscles are great on girls because its like an added challenge to overcome when they try to wrestle and fight to get away from me
I totally understand this except in my case it's with men
sometimes my head goes like a billion thoughts at once and i cant take it i feel like im losing it and idk waht to do it wont stop its like barreling down the highyway at max speed and ur break pedal wont work and also my heart like beats really super fast help help help help
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>>11870
Chill the fuck out retard. That's called a panic attack.

Watch and read some Eckhart Tolle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTFDfR47dl4

https://annas-archive.org/md5/286921a10526e105bb5cc7eddb1c2087

Despite the silly marketing fluff on the cover of the book Eckhart is a pretty interesting dude who can give you some applicable skills to deal with freakouts such as the one you're experiencing. Read the book and do some of his guided meditations. It will help.

t. anxiety issue haver
Replies: >>11872
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>>11871
Ive unironically listened to like the first free chapters of his

What I stood out to me was 
"if you asked an eagle what time is it? they wpould respond, the time is now, what other time would there be"

idk it was something to do with living in the moment, like dogs do

Im not a dog though sometimes i pee everywhere :(



taht doesnt help me when i literally want to ram my skull into a brick wall because nothing can keep the noise in my head from being so loud
Replies: >>11875
>>11872
>asks for help
>gets it
>continues to babble and romanticize his own misery
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Replies: >>11879
>>11875
ok ty for ur reply dr phil maybe u should jump in front of a bus that would be more helpful for me
*shitty ascii emoji goes here*
>>11870
You are not your thoughts, friend. Dont try to control your thoughts, sit back and watch them play out like a movie, just dont interact with them or act upon any or them. Your thoughts do not come from you, otherwise you'd never think like that, they flow in and out like air in the lungs. It might be good to go do something active to occupy your mind, go do chores, play an instrument, go for a walk, something like that.
Replies: >>11884 >>11891
>>11870
Try drinking alchohol when it happens. I reccomend vodka in water bottles when you're out in public. Oh and keep gum on you so it doesn't smell when you talk to people.
Replies: >>11891
>>11881
But I love being unhappy and if I did any of those things I might not be

*farts in ur face*
Replies: >>11891 >>11892
>>11881
Thanks, this is good advice.
I keep telling myself  just to ride it through, and it will eventually pass.
>>11882
Drinking just makes it worse usually.
>>11884
*roundhouse kicks you in the face*
whose the unhappy now, heh.
Replies: >>11899
>>11884
youll finna retard?
Replies: >>11898
>>11892
Youxl owards don't even smoke crack
>>11891
A lot of people don't know this, but alcohol is actually really good for mental illness. It allows. Bout to have gay sex wish me luck
Replies: >>11906
>>11899
Is this true?
Replies: >>11910
>>11906
No, don’t listen to him his probably a reptile. 🦎
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I slept for 14 hours and feel great.
Replies: >>11921
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>>11918
Bro I do this sometimes and it feels amazing, you feel completely refreshed
Replies: >>11924
>>11921
I used to think inaction was a form of protest when I was a teenager, but then I realized if you don't have a will of your own, your will becomes subject to others that do. Cringey tumblr energy edit of pepe.
Replies: >>11925 >>11932
>>11924
Action in what way? Getting up at 4am to wageslave for more blood money? Spending blood money on "creative ans fun" hobbies? Fantasizing in fake worlds forcefed to you by the propaganda glowscreen?
Replies: >>11927
>>11925
I mean just in general as an applied principal, but the things you proposed are manuverable. Complaining about how bad things are and not looking for solutions is a waste of time. Often types like yourself don't want solutions anyway and just enjoy complaining especially online so any proposed help will a waste of time for myself. I hope you figure things out someday anon <3
Replies: >>11930
>>11927
How do you propse we solve the child rape problem in our government? Voting them out? Maybe I'll just pull myself up by my bootstraps, become a trillionaire with the power of positive thinking and hard wageslaving, then I can just kill all the horrible human beings manipulating every facet of society and get away with it. The truth is that society is completely rotten to the core and is not worth engaging with, and that is not a complaint, it's pointing out reality.
>>11924
It's just a meme, sperglord
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I have homosexual fantasies about Kyle MacLachlan. I want him to make me a cup of coffee and breakfast and then play checkers with me.
Replies: >>12616 >>12621
>>12607
I think you meant *cheekers* ;D
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>>12607
>hanging out with roommate
>keep smelling weird sewer fecal smell
>decide not to bring it up, maybe it'll pass
>keep smelling it
>ask roommate if he smells it
>denies it then immediately gets large eyes and tells me to look away
>he goes behind couch and pulls out a piss jug to pour out
its been how many months and I still giggle like a 9 year old whenever I come to the board and see [Logs]
Replies: >>13756
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>>13753
Logs? Don't see any... UNTIL NOW!
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I doubted Ashley Jones' take on Bill Gates
Replies: >>13975 >>13976
>>13946
at this rate she's probably right about the fucking reptilians
>>13946
Some other content creator pointed out that covid is a play on words, cov I.D. found that noteworthy
I don't think trannies are that bad...
Replies: >>14059
>>13978
yeah Ashley is pretty cool
when I was a kid and first heard the term "blowjob" I thought it meant the girl literally blows on your penis.
So I would get my little pee pee hard and would blow on it and be like, whats the big deal with this?

fortunately i soon found out what a blowjob was and thanked my sister for educating me
ok that last part was a joke but the first part wasnt
Replies: >>14540
>>14539
Dude I did the same thing. When I realized you were supposed to suck on it my whole life changed because I gave myself a serious spinal injury and had to spend most of high school in a metal back brace
Replies: >>14547 >>14588
>>14540
>I gave myself a serious spinal injury and had to spend most of high school in a metal back brace

gotta lie down on your bed when you do it and make sure to support your back with lots pillows too.
I mean, uhh I assume thats what one would do if there trying to snack on their own wiener
Replies: >>16781
I just made myself a sandwich not realising the bun was upside down.
Replies: >>14550 >>14553
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>>14549
whatever, it's all just going to be turned into poop anyway
>>14549
Is that the best you got? booo tell us about the time you fucked your trans sister not some gay retarded minor lapse of retardation
>>14550
Anyone else go to a restaurant and look at the people eating and think, "Wow. That's going to be turned into shit. That pasta they just shoved in their mouth, in roughly 8-10 hours, is going to come out of their asshole." This thought experiment also applies to when people drink.
>>14554
I do a variation of this. Whenever I see a couple, I think about the fact that the man has fucked the woman in probably all or most conceivable positions. Doggy, cowgirl, missionary. I wonder how many times he's cum on her tits or tummy and how many times she's sucked his dick. It gets worse when I see an old couple, because I imagine 30-40 years of sucking and fucking taking place between them. If it's a couple with a kid, I know that the male had an orgasm inside the woman's body and that she loved getting spunked up by his cum. If I see them in a grocery store or a restaurant like your example, I wonder if they'll consume the food, and while it's digesting into shit, if they'll have sex with half digested food and shit sloshing around inside them.
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>>14550
>>14554
>>14555
>>14550
>>14554
>>14555
Now imagine how much money they paid for that food/shit/cum deposit. Imagine the level of suffering they were willing to endure and inflict to tingle their meatbags.
I have already failed no nut november 6 times
Replies: >>14590 >>14594
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>>14540
Ah yes, I too tried to suck my own dick as a kid. And while I eventually succeeded, I never managed to cum from it. Which, of course, didn't stop me from trying every chance I had. But I think it was mainly due to the rather uncomfortable position that it never felt all that amazing or at least not good enough to cum.
It's also a bit like when you're trying to tickle yourself, it's just not the same.
>>14584
I don't jerk off. My body has more cum than it knows what to do with. I've transcended into the 33rd cum realm. I can hear colors and see Drexle which is the name of a color regular c00mers like yourself cannot see. Though I don't jerk off I can cum on command without even touching my penis. Women fear me and men cannot stand me when I tell them this. They say 99% of the body is water, well mine is made of CUM!! ON ALL LEVELS EXCEPT PHYSICAL I AM CUM. WHEN I PEE I PEE CUM. WHEN I EAT FOOD IT SUBLIMATES INTO CUM. WHEN I THINK CUM. I LOOK, FEEL, AND TASTE LIKE CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUJ
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>>14555

You think life is more sexual than it really is. There are couples who have almost no sex.
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>>14584
I woke up with morning wood and was about to wax my carrot before realizing it was No Nut November so I took a piss while standing at a 45° angle to neutralize it and went on with the rest of my day.
Replies: >>14602
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>>14594
This is my technique for dealing with morning wood pissing.
 I walk my legs up the wall and hang on to the toilet, kind of like pic related
Ive never donated to the cum jar
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I slept with three escorts in the past two weeks and none of them looked even remotely like Ashley. What a shame.
Replies: >>14692 >>14694
>>14691
based. post pictures (or pictures of lookalikes). This is a no judgment zone, so be honest.
Replies: >>14697
>>14691
How expensive was that? Are whores really hundreds of dollars per nut? Genuine question.
Replies: >>14697
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>>14692

I'll give you one of them - with the other ones, I'm honestly a bit too paranoid about my privacy. This one was kind of a mixed bag. Definitely had the body that is suggested in the pictures. Clearly not natural of course, but still very hot. Unfortunately a lot of her interaction also felt a bit fake - just the way she talked, moaned etc. Her agency claims she does anal, didn't want to do it with me though, which was kind of a shame.

Most fun part was probably when I fucked her doggy style. She actually started making dog noises - "woof" etc. Made me laugh, called her a good dog.

The other ones honestly felt more intimate. I actually felt something approaching a genuine connection with my last one. She had an amazing body too - extremely voluptuous and feminine. Not fat, but just perfect, soft and natural curves. Unfortunately kind of an ugly face. Which seems to be a bit of a trend with escorts: hot bodies, but usually something off in the facial region. Like slightly bogged cheeks, or unclear complexions and stuff like that.

>>14694
It was alright. I paid something like 700-900€ each for 3-4 hour sessions. You pay for the time, not the individual act. There are much more expensive options out there of course. Maybe those come with cute faces as well, I don't know.

Is it worth it though? Very hard to say. If you get a good one and make some nice memories, it might be. In the end though, the old Varg saying remains true: You're masturbating with another person's body. It's not real sex. It's not real love. You're just playing a game. It may feel nice, but not significantly better than masturbating. After they leave, it will feel a bit pointless. Don't do it if it's a lot of money to you.
>>14697
>Her agency claims she does anal, didn't want to do it with me though, which was kind of a shame.
Honest question: what's the appeal of anal? Seeing it in porn makes me want to gag. I've done it IRL before and it was fine, but nothing beats the vagina. I'm all about the minge, y'know?

>After they leave, it will feel a bit pointless.
Not if you have your hidden cameras set up properly ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
>>14698
Mostly the visual stimulus of entering her ass probably. Somewhat different feeling too I would say. Then there's the psychological aspect - makes the female really vulnerable, easy to hurt her if you wanted to. Which of course you won't, but it makes for a nice power fantasy. 

Also, some women just have a strong reaction to anal, which is hot to observe.
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>>14697
Replies: >>14701 >>14702
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>>14700
Jokes on you, I'd love to knock up that hot little boy.
>>14700
That is a lot like Ashley after we make sweet, passionate, soulful love to one another(she's pregnant with our autistic son, she'll try to make him like weird paul but Ill just play video games with him and ashley and I will argue about that)
>>14698
>Honest question: what's the appeal of anal? Seeing it in porn makes me want to gag. I've done it IRL before and it was fine, but nothing beats the vagina. I'm all about the minge, y'know?
So you have been fucked in the ass before? Is that why anon calls you Assley?
>>14697
that's a man

https://vid.puffyan.us/watch?v=6bMo6whSrfk
Replies: >>14713
>>14697
Did you were protection? did you have to wear protection? did you go down on her?
Where did you cum?

>>14698
>Honest question: what's the appeal of anal?
as >>14699 mentioned making the girl vulnerable, and probably some sort of power dynamic, making her submissive. Saying youre going to "fuck you in the ass" is kind of a degrading/insulting thing to say.
Isnt the asshole tighter as well? maybe thats just porn thing
Replies: >>14713
>>14706
We have a law here that mandates condom usage for all kinds of prostitution. In practice, that means you're wearing one for any sort of vaginal or anal sex.

None of them seemed to mind oral sex without a condom though. Probably a bit more risky. Definitely more fun.

>>14704
Didn't look like a man to me.
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I use a Linux distro and have never utilized the terminal
Replies: >>15833
I failed No Nut November yesterday, darn!
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I only did 1/4 of my resolutions this year.
Replies: >>15872
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>>14808
at least you're using linux though (full time I hope?).

Honestly even being able to make a statement like that is a testament to just how far gnu/linux has come. there was a time in the not so distant past where you probably couldn't have used linux without at least a little terminal use. I'm all for making things easier and getting people away from microsoft and apple.

that being said the terminal really isn't that scary or difficult. if you ever do get into it, you'll realize all the cool hackermans pictures you've seen of people's linux desktops with 4 shells open all running crazy looking shit is all actually pretty mundane/not difficult stuff. Take picrel for example. This dumb whore is doing the equivalent of opening a folder (incorrectly a few times) over and over and checking what directory she's in. Normies think it looks amazing and advanced but in reality it's nothing.

cool thing about the terminal is that once you get comfortable in it, you can actually do many tasks much much faster. also, the majority of people don't actually memorize the crazy long commands. You can write simple scripts or use aliases (like shortcuts) to do things for you. I have shit in my .bash_aliases file that I wrote years ago that if you asked me to write out I couldn't remember how to do it. like alias yta='yt-dlp -x --audio-format mp3' to use youtube-dl (now yt-dlp) to rip a song. I'm not literally going to write yt-dlp -x --audioblahblahblah every time. I just write yta and the URL.
Replies: >>15872
I still shower alone and change in the bathroom stalls at the gym because being around naked men is gay.
>>15828
That is prolly better than 99% of ppl who make new years resolutions. So good for you anon! 


>>15833
>at least you're using linux though (full time I hope?).
No not yet, I bought a laptop a lil while back and have it on that.
Im saving money to build/upgrade a new PC and for that I will swap to Linux as my main, I assume there will be some issues with some of my older software that I regularly use, so I will still probably need to use windows of some sort.
I have to figure out what I can keep from my existing hardware but also what to get for new hardware, which is tbh really overwhelming as Im completely hardware illiterate.
I know /g/ has a pc building thread so I will probably go there for any questions.

>You can write simple scripts or use aliases (like shortcuts) to do things for you.
I had no idea about that. That sounds really cool and encourages me to learn about using the terminal more. Especially since I use yt-dlp quite a lot




oh right, confessions.......... uhh............ sometimes when Im driving and there is a semi truck coming towards me in the opposite lane, i think about taking off my seat belt and swerving into it the truck head on
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I would creampie every single one of these girls, including the ugly one second to last
Replies: >>16094
I was going to cook dinner but decided to eat a bag of chips and butter toffee cookies and now I'm no longer hungry.
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>>16091
how did someone arrive at this point in their mind, where they are standing outside a restaurant and they think to themselves "I know what I feel like doing. I feel like pulling my pants and taking a photo of my butt.
How does this thought come about? Simply desiring attention? I find its such an odd thing to do, not necessarily in a negative way, I just find it strange to do this when your standing outside of a restaurant..
And to be around others who you feel comfortable to not only share this thought, but they themselves are willing to partake in this action.
Still, I respect and love women.
And with rear ends like that I would rear end each of them too anon, give em a good a cream pie filling for christmas. Especially the one one the right, who I like to think is a little embarrassed and ashamed so she doenst want to show her face, but feels forced to go along with it because her friends are and given how catty women can be she didnt want to risk being talked about behind her back(side) or worse, being ostracized from her circle of friends

Ive put too much thought into this.
gods im lonely
Replies: >>16095
>>16094
They basically do it for the attention. Like they put effort into posing with their bodies so they'll look fuckable and want to show it off in public so more people can see. You being horny about it is why they don't feel ashamed.
Replies: >>16099
>>16095
Im a classic misogynist but these girls are probably just goofing off. If i saw the same background with a big "sausage" sign and bros pulling down their pants to show their schlongs itd be funny.
Replies: >>16101 >>16104
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>>16099
I also hate women. While I appreciate your open-mindedness and charitable proposition, I would remind you that women don't actually have an innate sense of humor¹. This is why the image is inherently and obviously sexual in nature; the female presents her breedable vagina and pleasantly wide hips to suitable mates, utilizing the guise of humor to make the display appear socially acceptable.

In your hypothetical reversal wherein the group is male, the conjured image is quite obviously not inherently sexual despite its content. The males, in a show of jocular camaraderie, gather around the "sausage" sign to display their flaccid genitals—perhaps waggling them around and sharing in laughter—would not and could not be viewed as sexually enticing by others (including those of the opposite sex). It would be clear that this group of males were simply making a joke—organic, natural, and unmotivated by ulterior motive.

¹ Ashley doesn't count as she is not a woman.
Replies: >>16102 >>16104
>>16101
>female presents her breedable vagina and pleasantly wide hips to suitable mates
They do not do it for the males, they do it to appeal to their own narcissism. They have no innate understanding of others instincts. Even fat women admire themselved and each other, yet it is the male who gives the best blowjobs.
Replies: >>16104 >>16108
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>>16099
>>16101
>>16102
>tfw when u r soooooo not gay u didnt even notice the sausage sign in the background, only the size of my own sausage sizzling as I stare at those pie holes waiting for their cream fillings
>>16102
>They do not do it for the males, they do it to appeal to their own narcissism.
Regardless, they aren't actually doing it for comedic purposes

>yet it is the male who gives the best blowjobs.
You are a homosexual
Replies: >>16112
>>16108
Males have to try harder to make themselves into sexual objects so better blowjobs. Why should I care about temporary sexual encounters?
Replies: >>16113
>>16112
what the hell are you on about mate? fat women and burn victims have to try harder to be sexual objects, they can still give shit blowjobs. its okay if youre gay but you dont have to rationalize it with warped logic.
Replies: >>16115
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I bet his blowjobs are so good bros
>>16113
>what the hell are you on
im on bussy playa
Replies: >>16116
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>>16115
Faggot. You know what I like? Pussy. I fucking LOVE pussy so much. The idea of preferring another sweaty stinky male to soft, sweet, tight, pink, delightful pussy is absolutely insane to me. You people are mentally deranged.
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I shit myself today. To see if I still smeel.
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Replies: >>16127 >>16130
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>>16116

Yeah!
Tight, warm, soft, wet pussy!
>>16116
not my wife = gay
>>16119
>smeel
big meese energy right here
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>>16119
And I shot a man in Vegas just to watch him die
I like to masturbate to Sasha Grey streaming on Twitch on one monitor acting like a pretty normal human being.... but then, on my 2nd monitor I have a playlist of her most degenerate, disgusting pornography scenes playing.
I occasionally type in her chat and say normal things that she reads out which makes it even better.

then... when Im about to detonate my dick dynamite, I send her a $5 TTS saying something like "hey big fan, keep up the great work" and she reads it out and thanks me for it which then sets me off and I blow my nut all over the monitor that has her twitch stream playing.

i need help
Replies: >>16134
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>>16132
based
>>16116
Genuinely amazed Siswet's anus still looks like that.
Replies: >>16140 >>16141
>>16139
Siswet could never look that cute. I wonder how many times that nasty bitch has torn her intestines.
>>16139
Hory shitttt!!! That is siswet! I thought you were kidding. Shame what she did to herself. Her asshole doesnt look anything like that these days. It looks like the avocado gay guys asshole now.
>>16116
I confess i would bury my face so far inside her pussy they will have to put up missing person posters of me around town
Replies: >>16166
>>16116
>bald
disgusting
>>16158
siswet could probably fit all of you up in her now
Replies: >>16168
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>>16166
jfc u aint kidding

Since this is the confession thread, i must confess that i had no idea who she was.
I just liked the pussy ping gif that was posted.
so after your comment i decided to look her up and pic unfortunately related is what all results basically are.
After wiping up the vomit on my keyboard and typing this post, I now take back what I said.
Replies: >>16174 >>16197
>>16168
WOW. I can't believe Ashley Jones really did this. Disgusting.
Replies: >>16177
>>16174
She didn’t. But you did. How does it feel? Did you like it?
Replies: >>16184 >>16190
>>16177
Well, actually, upon further investigation, it seems that you, in fact, did that. Did it feel good?
Replies: >>16185 >>16190
>>16184
I didn’t, I’m asking you.
Replies: >>16186 >>16190
>>16185
Evidence points to the contrary, which is why I'm asking you.
Replies: >>16190 >>16195
>>16177
>>16184
>>16185
>>16186
y'all niggas is bowf wrong. I did it to both of you and then to myself, then we all did a big nut all up in them gutz. Together. yaheard? no homo
Replies: >>16192 >>16199
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>>16190
ayy shieet nigga, now dat dere be sum christmas muthafucking spirit!
*daps you up*
>>16186
What evidence? I already answered your question.
Replies: >>16197
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>>16195
Observe. The man in this picture(sourced from >>16168) is clearly you. You look like this. That is your anus. Therefore, you did this.
Replies: >>16199
>>16197
>>16190
That’s not me. Doesn’t even look like me at all, not even close.
Replies: >>16200 >>16204
>>16199
Prove it or else you're lying.
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>>16199
Explain this then
Replies: >>16205
>>16204
That’s an edited photo. It’s also a pink anus that belongs to a white person.
Replies: >>16208
>>16205
Firstly, that's not an anus, that's a horse dildo. Secondly, there's no clear way to determine the exact skin tone here. The lighting and positioning alone could easily cause you to appear many shades lighter than you actually are, and that's assuming you didn't edit this photo beyond that. Thirdly, I've already provided evidence, you're going to need to replicate this photo as accurately as you possibly can to prove your innocence. Otherwise, you're just gay.
Replies: >>16209
>>16208
Okay fine, the person in the picture looks nothing like me. It is likely a light skinned or white person having anal or sitting on a dildo.
Replies: >>16211
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>>16209
>implying youre not white
d-do we got ourselves a niggerino on this board? we need to hide ashley, she'll finally feel what a real man's penis is like
Replies: >>16214
>>16211
Dont worry anon, he's not black. I would know if one of my kind posted here. Now, I hereby bestow to each of you here a lifetime N word pass! Happy Kwanza!
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>>16214
I've been using the N word, Nincompoop, for quite awhile never realizing it was patently offensive. But I do draw the line at Nattering Nincompoop, now that's offensive.  Habari Gani
>>16214
Thank you nigger
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>>16214
the following is loosely translated from Ebola
there are two of us on the board?
Well, since this is a confession thread. I would like to confess that Im black as well.
Except i have that disease Micheal Jackson has, no not pedofeelya, the skin disease that changes your skin colour from black to white and in my case its left only my face black, the rest of my skin has turned white
thankfully im still black below the belt ya dig?
Replies: >>16252
>>16251
Im black below the beltmy anus
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I'm filming the Ashley Awards and I look like fricken' Liza Minnelli.
Replies: >>16263 >>16268
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>>16261
Hope you wear something formal for the occasion like pic related.
Replies: >>16312
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>>16261
I had no idea who that is so i looked her up and this.... thing  was the first image that appeared.
She looks demonic, It cant be that bad! 
Im sure you must look at least a small bit prettier than the creature in pic related that wants to eat my skin.
Try wearing a wig? ONE THAT COVERS YOUR FACE!
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>>16263
>me when imagining the Ash in that outfit

Im not a furry
Replies: >>16313 >>16317
>>16312
HOLY SHIT A 17MB GIF

I CONFESS IM A RETARD FML THIS IS EMBARRASSING
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>>16312
As Rod Stewart once sang:

You wear it well
A little old fashioned
But that's all right
You wear it well
There ain't a lady in the land
So fine

I always said that The Ash would look good even wearing a burka, heh, heh.
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This is humiliating and embarrassing for me to admit but I feel I must spill my beans. I get deeply aroused when Ashley side glances.
Replies: >>16383
>>16381
>Seabee finally meets Ashley irl
>Ashley cant make eye contact because she is too autistic or shy or both and keeps looking off to the side
>Seabee's horny levels start hitting Defcon 1
>what are you constructing in your pants Seabee?!?!
>w-w-we b-build, we f-f-ight he embarrassingly stutters in reply
>ejaculates and ruins his Garfield undies he bought from Walmart that he wanted to impress her with
>s-s-sorry Ashley
Replies: >>16386
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>>16383
Sounds about right, heh, heh.
And while I'm here, Merry Christmas to you and all my fellow Ashlings. And of course to Ashley, picrel
Replies: >>16387 >>16395
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>>16386
Here's looking at me? Who is Here? Why are they looking at me? I'm just side-eyeing Seabee as he's being deployed to boner-town. Thank you for your confession (TYFYC).
Replies: >>16389
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>>16387
>Why are they looking at me?

As if you didn't know, heh, heh 

>I'm just side-eyeing Seabee as he's being deployed to boner-town

If boner-town is any where near Jones town, I'm there.

BTW I just finished watching the 2014 Christmeese vid, timeless
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This is a lot like Seabee (tyfys) and Ashley
Replies: >>16391
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>>16390
Actually, that's my grandson.
>>16386
Seabee, maybe you should stop looking at kids.
Replies: >>16396 >>16398
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>>16395
>Seabee is a real life action hero
>Lolis are action heroes
I don't see the problem here
Replies: >>16413
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>>16395
But just think how goofy it would have sounded if Bogie would have said, Here's looking at you, woman. Just doesn't have the same efectiveness or intensity or pizzaz.
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>>16396
Yeah, maybe they'll make a Seabee action figure out of me, heh, heh.
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When I'm driving long distances I like listening to Ashley's 80s cam videos through the passenger side speaker so it sounds like she's sitting next to me and talking throughout the entire car ride. The only sad part of this is when the trip is over and I see an empty seat. :(
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>>16664
Maybe if we all chip in we can have a lifesize Ashley doll made for you. I know, ain't nothin' like the real thing but you have to improvise, overcome and adapt.
>>16664
heh this is actually an interesting idea that I want to try out, but I think I will use her Ashley's movie review video of Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars (2010) instead.
But first an important prerequisite step must be taken first b4 this drive Ive mine shall commence. 
What is is this deed that must be firstly fulfilled?  well I  shall have to drive the nearest public swimming hole, pay my admission fee, have a brief look around for any breedable females, the I SHALL commence an undress and then proceed to  dive headfirst into the shallow end of the  body of water commonly know as a pool and as a result of my pre planned actions, I will acquire enough of a  brain injury that I myself shall truely believe upon returning to my car that i envision she and by she I mean Ashley Jones, is in fact sitting in the front passenger seat beside me (since I am the DRIVER) and she has began talking to me about the movie I imagine, in my know injired state of mind, that she and I  just went and saw together and the local drive in. There will be no need to be at actual drive in because due to my recently acquired brain damage I am able to dive (heh) into a great the depths of my minds third eye and as such can envision almost anything
due to my inadequacies I have failed to mention a second prerequisite. This second prerequisite before I DRIVE I will download Ashleys movie review in question (that of being the 2010 film Harriet the ASSPIE: Bog wars) and rip it to .flac audio format for the absolute maximum audio quality and transfer it to a portable audio device that i can hookup to my automobiles audio playback device. Once that is done,  I meaning myself, then can proceed to sit in my car and play said audio file, and instead of looking over and gazing upon an empty front passenger seat like this massive faggot >>16664, I have used a rather expensive foam pillow that i have made a poorly drawn drawing of Ashley on said foam pillow and she is now sitting next to me in the form of a pillow in the real world however and here's the thing. in my mind she will of course be of in her human form, long legs, cute face,smirk, god tier cheekbones,  underrated bosom, etc etc, boys we all know what im talking about wink wink emoji icon.
like all young lovers at a movie drive in, we shall begin to make out 
However i wont soil my creative masterpiece of a drawing of the Ash on my foam pillow to make out with, oh no. Rather I will have drawn her face on top side of my right hand and shall use that to simulate making out with her but i will be making out with my hand as is my usual saturday night for the last 8 years
After a bout 3 minutes of this hot make out sesh, i will probably feel an oncoming desire to soil my unmentionables with semen but to prevent this from occurring i will set my apple smart watch to monitor my heartrrate so that when it reaches a certain high enough level, meaning im about to reach climax, and obnoxious alarm will ring out extremely loudly, and that will be me queue to punch my self hard as I possibly in the groin to kill my boner
its at this point that i hit dat play button on my ipad nano that is hooked about to the AUX input on my 2011 ford focus and the previously mentioned .flac rip of her "Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars (2010)" movie that will begin to play and i then I commence to drive off into the sunset listening and looking over at my pillow which ashley resembles becuase like i said before, i drew to the best of my abilities a portrait of her on it and THAT my friends. along with the audio of her reviewing previously mentioned movie will be the last experience of true bliss as plant my foot as hard as possible and swerve into the opposite lane and proving to the godS that we are nothing more than bags of flesh, organs and bones that will explode on any heavy impact not unlike  dropping a watermelon of a high rise building onto the concrete pavement below.
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>>16664
No more empty passenger car seat for you. After a diligent search I located an Ashley lifesiize doll for you. I can't guarantee that it's anotomically correct but I'm sure such a prerequisite is not necesary since it seems that you are satisfied to just glance over to see her. We'll set up a Go Fund Me for you to cover the cost (Ashley lifesize look a like dolls don't come cheap, I think there's a royalty involved) and before you know you'll get your motor running and head out on the highway, looking for adventure in whatever comes your way. Never to be alone again.
>>8605
I confess....

I lied about this post. I do wipe, I do flush and I do give a fuck











I also confess...
I also lied about this post. I didnt post >>8605 and Im definitely not a bad ass, I do however, have a bad case of constipation
Replies: >>16789
i get a boner (non-sexual) when i pet my cat. not really that weird since i heard it happens to a lot of other people, and i mean its probably happened to people in this thread but its just so mundane they didnt bother bringing it up.

>>14547
if youre just starting out i would recommend that, but with the addition of your feet being against the wall so you can force your dick closer to your mouth. after you get a bit more flexible (also do toe touches) you should really start sucking your dick sitting down, the upside-down position restricts the circulation to your head and lets you smell your crotch a lot more. really it just makes me feel like im being forced to suck a dick, which breaks the first rule of sucking your dick; you are getting your dick sucked, not sucking a dick.

when you suck in the sitting position it also helps with lubrication since your saliva flows down your dick instead of back onto your face (making you feel like a slut). but honestly unless im really horny i just do it in the shower anyway, since the warm water feels nice as well. i dont know if this is anyone elses experience but my mouth is always colder than my dick, and i have to warm it up before i can get any real sucking done.

...

and before anyone asks YES i eat my own cum. no whore on the planet is capable of perfectly syncing a blowjob with my ejaculations to extract semen straight from the depths of my balls. its literally like drinking from a straw, you can feel the cum accelerating through your penis and its like youre having your first orgasm all over again.
Replies: >>16796 >>16799
i am a slave for ashley
i live to please ashley
i will do anything for ashley
all of my semen belongs to ashley
>>16779
You should eat more veggies, my friend. Cut that anus some slack.
Replies: >>16799
i cut my anus for ashley
Do you guys ever sort of skim a post before you commit to reading the whole thing?

When I looked at >>16781 the first line my eyes landed on was
>and before anyone asks YES i eat my own cum.

This board never disappoints
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>>16781
a non-sexual boner???
And great tip about warm water. The heat from warm water helps to warm up and loosen up your muscles, allowing for greater flexibility for sucking your own dick, I mean getting your dick sucked

>>16789
I think I need to eat more more fruit as well instead of sticking them up my backhole
I was banned from the 8chan bosrd like 80 times for being an absolute shithead after Ashley left.  My time was spent harassing uncutmeat everytime I could.
Replies: >>16807
>>16804
>My time was spent harassing uncutmeat everytime I could.
lol how come?
I wasn't on that board. I only know the name and some of his OC, not what he was like as personality.
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I haven't shit since last year.
Replies: >>16809
>>16808
Don't worry bro when I got home from work today I took a shit for both of us <3
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I broke into Ashleys house and made a youtube video about it. Thanks for the ad revenue Ash!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUayAEhtZgQ
Replies: >>16820
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>>16818
looks like she has an insatiable appetite for collecting even more photos of elderly men.
Seabee hide your photo albums!
Replies: >>16822 >>16826
>>16820
I dont see any dementia dicks in these photos. She probably keeps the old man dong photo albums by her bed.
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>>16820
What photo albums? The camera wasn't even invented when I was born.
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Do any of you wake up barely conscious and start beating yourself off, only to stop a few second later?
>>17200
Happened to me once.
Woke up in the middle of the night realizing that I’m jerking it.
Weird.
>>17200
No. I don't jerk off and I'm reaping the benefits of high T levels. Mock me all you want, I've been able to land a gf despite my autism and I partially owe it to my pent up sexual energy, would've never talked to this normie bitch and got her number if i was crankin my pecker to porn
>>17204
>I don't jerk off
Oh god, you're one of those weirdos
>Mock me all you want
I will
Replies: >>17208
>>17206
That's not the real Hans. I am.
I've decided to use my nom de plume for the stories and poems only. If you see some weird shit on the board with my pseudonym that's not me. I'll be making my comments anonymously.
Replies: >>17212 >>17213
>>17200
I was like that as a teen, then I became like this >>17204 for a long time but never got a gf ever. Now I jack off to get the semen out and only to my imagination
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>>17208
I'm hands
>>17208
learn2trip or I will 100% post bizarre stories under your name https://tubgurl.com/faq.html#name-formatting
Replies: >>17215 >>17220
>>17213
You're a real bastard, you know that?
Thanks for making me learn how to trip.
dick
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>>17213
Don't threaten me with a good time.
A year ago I bought an onahole for cheap, and I've only used it 4 times. It just doesn't feel that good, and makes my penis hurt. :(

What's the appeal?? With my hands, it's like being touched by an angel.

>>17204
>I'm reaping the benefits of high T levels.
Testosterone plateaus after 10 days of nofap, and then it drops back down to baseline. Real women are putrid disgusting.
Replies: >>17228 >>17230
>>17225
>A year ago I bought an onahole for cheap, and I've only used it 4 times. It just doesn't feel that good, and makes my penis hurt. :(
Maybe you just got a shit one? For the love of god man, are you using lube? Are you circumcised (if so, sorry)? You said "for cheap" so I'm guessing it was some $17 aliexpress garbage. You gotta shell out like $50-$100 for one of those legit pocket pussies. The japanese know what they're doing, but be careful if you have a big dick like me because sometimes the hole can be too small or not long enough, and that's a bad time if you like to go balls deep and nakadashi that shit primal style. Also, if you're just sitting there moving it up and down on your dick (essentially just beating off with it) that's not going to feel as good as if you stuff it between a couple of pillows and fuck it like a pussy, you doing the thrusting rather than moving the thing up and down. This simulates actual sex and thus produces a stronger and probably more voluminous (cum) orgasm. Post a cum tribute for ash or just your cock or whatever and I'll comment more on your technique, style, etc., no homo.
Replies: >>17234
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>>17225

Those toys are really bad. 
Why don't you just go with a scort. Save your money and go with a 10/10. You'll never forget it.
>>17230
Save money? Escorts are expensive not to mention the extra cost in STD testing.
Replies: >>17232 >>17236
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>>17230
>>17231
https://youtu.be/P4KBshS4L6k
Replies: >>17236
>>17228
>Maybe you just got a shit one? For the love of god man, are you using lube? Are you circumcised (if so, sorry)?
I am circumcised, but I am using the right kind of lube. 
>You said "for cheap" so I'm guessing it was some $17 aliexpress garbage. You gotta shell out like $50-$100 for one of those legit pocket pussies.
I spent ~$45.
>The japanese know what they're doing, but be careful if you have a big dick like me because sometimes the hole can be too small or not long enough, and that's a bad time if you like to go balls deep and nakadashi that shit primal style.
My dick is like 18 cm, and it doesn't seem quite long enough. What I usually did was put it between a mattress or pillow, like you said.

Also, the orgasm just feels odd... and the end of my dick hurts. When I was younger I used to do the whole towel with a glove thing, and that felt okay, but it still hurt after. It feels like it is constricting the lower part of the shaft too much. 

I think this one might be a matter of different strokes for different folks (literally).

>>17230
Listen, I'll jerk off to anime girls or have sex with an onahole because I am open in some respects, but I don't want to have sex with a prostitute. The idea of sex with a woman I'm not in a committed relationship with is very off-putting to me. Not to even mention the potential consequence of seeing a prostitute. I'd rather stay a virgin. I'm not even sex or porn addicted. I jerk off like 2 or 3 times a week for 10 minutes. Half the time I just jerk off to my imagination.
Replies: >>17236
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>>17231
>>17232

A 10/10 scort is worth every dollar spent on her.
Fuck, I would go crazy fucking that hot body.

>>17234

You masturbate 3 times a week sticking your thing in a rubber vagina watching Chinese cartoons and you don't want to have sex with a 10/10 prostitute?.

 I don't know why you don't like the idea but you should seriously rethink your life. Every day that goes by you are getting older and dying, if you are young you should take advantage of it and enjoy it. There are people who learned from bad movies and bad tutors believe that sex is something sacred and that they have to do it only with someone they love or feel affection for. Having sex is not a big deal, it's just physical pleasure.
Have sex for pleasure too, not just for love.
>>17236
>has skateboard in the background
>can't even kickflip
fuckin p0serrr
>>17236
>prostitution= best thing ever
It's just how you value it. I view sex as a bond between opposite sex because that's what I feel and experience. It's undeniable that there's a connection made on a deeper heh level and to deny that is to deny yourself. Also i dunno if you know this but sex isn't just for pleasure, but a means of creating life, but whatever floats your boat. Maybe you're incapable of love because you cannot love yourself, ever think about that fuckface??? Hmm??? Nigga u gay enjoy your ching chong luv u long times
Replies: >>17241
>>17239
calm down you winy woman. you sound jelly that this dude is smashing loose filthy escort minge while you're having trouble nutting into a pocket pussy. You want hole, there are women who want to sell their hole, capitalism is the natural outcome babycakes.
Replies: >>17243 >>17247
>>17241
No
>>17241
Prostitution should be ILLEGAL. Whores should be RAPED and ROBBED and MURDERER
Replies: >>17248 >>17249
>>17247
Nah, freedom to do what you choose. Imposing such a radical stance unto others is just a road to tyranny. Though it would be entertaining to see such primal violent acts, it's not sustainable in the long term.
>>17247
how to tell me you're a christian without telling me you're a christian
>>17249
I can’t fathom the idea of a real Christian promoting violence against desperate women who whore themselves just to survive.
I don’t think any religion accepts this.
Wasn’t Mary Magdalene supposedly a prostitute?
Replies: >>17253
>>17249
you're jewish
>>17250
Every religion has been subject to have a subsect of people that justify their evil actions through divine intervention. This doesn't pertain to the followers throughout as everything is on a spectrum including myself on the Autismo Suprimo spectrum. Happy Tuesday Hans.
Replies: >>17254
>>17253
Don’t know what you mean, mate.
I’m not Hans.
How the fuck does he know?!
>>17249
Hate the sin not the sinner. It's not that complicated.
>>17236
But it's not just physical pleasure. Sex IS something sacred. Why would you want to live in a world where NOTHING is sacred? Cynicism is retarded. People who think about sex as just a physical act are deranged.
Replies: >>17260
>>17257
Sex can be sacred but sometimes it isnt and two people just want to fuck.

dont overthink it
I love to pound off.
Replies: >>17272
>>17263
What's your bmi?
I used to watch lesbian porno while playing I kissed a girl by Katy Perry in the background.
Replies: >>17354 >>17383
>>17353
Kek why?
Replies: >>17356
>>17354
Because Katy Perry is a thot who sang about kissing another girl and how that felt so the song kind of felt appropriate for the genre know what I mean Vern?
Replies: >>17357
>>17356
Yeah but Katy Perry is one of those chicks whos never been hot. Shes not ugly, but never cute or hot. If Taylor Swift was given that song then I would cum buckets.
>>17353
This is like when my uncle would touch me and play Michael Jackson's smooth criminal
Replies: >>17385
>>17383
You're the smooth and he's the criminal
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What's the cutoff age for a man to stop searching for a goth gf?
>>17594
If she is big titty then never ever, no matter what.
hey if shes 14 then Im 14, ya dig?
>>17594
At 22
College days are behind you. Time to get real.
>>17594
0 goth is cringe fuck u
Anytime I say "actually" it almost sounds like "ashley". It makes me self conscious because I dont want to say "ashley" randomly when I'm talking to people at work.
Replies: >>17941
I’ve fallen in love about 6 times in my life. 
I won’t say who the first one was because I’ll be mocked for it.
The second one was Miley Cyrus back on 2008. I had seen her in Hannah Montana and I thought she’s the most beautiful girl in the world. But as years went by and realized how meeting her is next to impossible, that love faded. I never fancied her sexually and I had dreams about her but when I’m in love with someone there is rarely any sexual desire in it.
The third time I fell in love it was with a distant relative who had become a medical student in our town and was visiting us to get a transfer to her own hometown. She stayed with us for 2 days. I started to grow feelings for her as I liked her thin figure and friendly demeanor. She left after 2 days as she had done the proper paperwork to get her transfer and I felt devastated. We met a few times after that but I never confessed my love to her as she was my senior and was discouraged from confessing my love so I buried the sadness deep into my heart for about 2 years. I also loved her in a platonic way. I never thought of her in a sexual way though I loved her slenderness. Almost anorexia-like, though she had no eating disorder.
The next girl I fell in love with was in college. Suffice to say that she had anorexia and rejected my love but was also sex-crazed so she invited me to sexting even though that wasn’t my initial intention, it was a fun experience. Though it didn’t last and after all the rejections and belittling I suffered at her hand, she was the one who was devastated when I told her I don’t love her anymore. Talk about crazy. She cried and I felt bad for her but now I think she deserved what she got after treating me like a plaything and rejecting my love.
The last 2 I don’t feel like confessing about. LOL
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It was at this moment that I fell in love with Tony Soprano. It was love at first sight.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4SQkLbNuW3Y&pp=ygUUR2FyeSBjb29wZXIgc29wcmFub3M%3D
Replies: >>17783
I used to be an ftm pooner retard when i was 14 but thankfully my father didnt let me inject myself with synthetic testosterone and i went back to being a girl years later when i turned 18 kek i didnt changed much.
Replies: >>17753 >>17761
>>17750
In Canada a parent can be arrested and sent to jail and for stopping their willing child’s transition. Now that’s just messed up.
Replies: >>17754
>>17753
Classic tranada
>>17750
You must be younger if you experienced the tranny craze
These things bring me down to tears:
1. The Star Spangled Banner when it reaches the line “And the rocket’s red glare…”
2. The Animated film Anastasia (1997)
3. Michael Corleone’s last talk with his father
4. The end of Malena 
5. Fredo’s last meeting with Michael in Godfather Part II
6. The song Ave Maria
7. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (when the Confederate POWs are forced to play their song for the Union soldiers)
8. The Kid by Chaplin, (when the Kid is about to be taken away and he begs to stay with the Tramp)
9. From Russia with Love (When Bond shows Tatiana the dresses he had bought her)
10. Licence to Kill (When Bond disobeys M)
11. The Spy Who Loved Me (When Bond admits he has killed Major Amasova’s boyfriend)
12. Goldenye (When Alec tells his backstory to Bond)
13. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (when Elsa tells Indy that he should’ve listened to his father)
These were on top of my head.
Replies: >>17779 >>17780
>>17778
1. reptilian
2. reptilian
3. reptilian
4. reptilian
5. reptilian
6. reptilian
7. reptilian
8. reptilian
9. reptilian
10. reptilian
11. reptilian
12. reptilian
13. reptilian
Replies: >>17798
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>>17778
Does anything in real life move you emotionally? You just listed movies.
Replies: >>17805
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>>17744
Ashley collecting random sea animal things, decorating her room with sea themed objects, whatever happened there.
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>>17779
Speaking of reptilians......
>>17780
I may get very upset over certain things but I won’t be moved to tears. I’ve come to realize that tears are not the ultimate form of sadness. They may show your sadness, yes, but just a visible expression.
I could be really sad and down in the dumps over serious matters but I won’t show it.
Replies: >>17810
>>17805
>I’ve come to realize that tears are not the ultimate form of sadness.
True. Buying a girls Onlyfans over and over after she keeps blocking you, totaling $35, and sending her daily vlogs on OnlyFans doing Thomas the Tank Engine voice impressions is the ultimate form of sadness.
Replies: >>17812
>>17810
Poor baby.
I really feel bad for her spending 35 hard earned bucks on an ungrateful thot.
Replies: >>17814
>>17812
Really makes you realize how soulless people are to not appreciate just how bizarre and unique that situation would be, to receive 30+ minute weird vlogs from some girl
Replies: >>17815
>>17814
I felt her longing for that cam whore in that video.
I think Ashley kinda had a crush on her. She wasn’t just looking for something to rub one off to.
Replies: >>17821
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>>17815
Anon, there is absolutely no way ever that Jesschic would be my type. Brown skin color, no joke, is not attractive to me. In fact, where do I begin with the amount of unattractive traits she holds? Being a camwhore, being brown, brown nipples, impersonating a celebrity, wearing excessive makeup, stealing my $15 TWICE.

Also I definitely wouldn't "utilize" her material. As previously stated, I do not find browns (nor blacks) attractive. With the limited amount of content I did see, it was just a bunch of fake squirting non-sense (it's piss). But since she's Mexican, I am confident she was able to clean up her pissy bed sheets.
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>>17821
The fake orgasm clips in the video made me cringe so fucking hard nothing cringier than a grown ass brown mexican black woman with brown nips trying to imitate an anime character cumming.
>>17821
Sorry.
Didn’t mean to upset you over this.
I just made a wrong assumption.
Replies: >>17838 >>17872
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>>17821
>>17831
You're better than this, Anon. Don't be sorry, call her out on her evident post nut clarity. 

Be understanding, coping with rejection and neglect can be hard.
Replies: >>17839 >>17872
>>17838
That may be. But anyone who argues with a woman has a death wish. I learnt this the hard way.
Replies: >>17840
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>>17839
That may be. But here in Italy, any woman who even dares thinking of aurguing has a death wish. They learned this the hard way.
Replies: >>17847
>>17840
Oh, well.
Thanks for all the good cuisine, sports cars, the Pope, discovering America, etc, etc.
And all the cool Mob films but not the mob itself.
Also I can't help reading your posts in a thick Italian accent in my mind so inb4 sorry.
Replies: >>17871 >>17952
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>>17847
You forgot to mention this.....
Replies: >>17952
>>17831
Relax, it's all tongue in cheek. But no tongue in Jesschic's cheeks

>>17838
Post nut clarity? That's a weird way to say you like beating off to trannies but "not really".
>>17872
Post nut clarity is that moment after eating a peanut when you realize you're allergic to peanuts right before you die.
>>17872
>Post nut clarity? That's a weird way to say you like beating off to trannies but "not really".
Not to kiss your ass or anything Ashley, but this is a genuinely hilarious statement. I'm going to steal it and pretend like I came up with it the next time the topic of post nut clarity comes up.
>>17738
Same here but its more if anytime anyone says that word i immediately think of her. i might  have a problem
also, i have we have small a dog, a female dog, and sometimes i get really anxious that im going to call the dog Ashley in front of people. Like I might accidentally say "oh hey, Im just taking Ashley for a walk"
so i have to make a conscious effort to say the dogs actual name instead of saying Ashley. 
I mean this as no disrespect to Ashley, I love her, its just something that happens ya know?

I wish i was just shitposting but this is 100% true
Replies: >>17956
>>17847
While i didn't personally contribute to any of the things you listed, i'm thankful for your positive stance on my people.

You're more than welcome to use a chonky wop accent to read my posts. Also, you say "sorry" too much. Loosen up and enjoy your time amongst the autists here!

>>17871
Ayy, i have one of those bad boys at my grandpa's place. As a kid i used to grab it and impersonate Duke Nukem. One should be careful about associating oneself with the word "duke" here in Italy though, things could turn sour real quick.
Replies: >>17958
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>>17872
Bro really went "no u" on me

But to answer your question. Still don't know whether I like that or not, since I've never wanked to any of your vids
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>>17941
>calls dog Ashley
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>>17952
Duke and Il Duce do sound similar although they mean different things.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOOjZg6XBiE
>>8494 (OP) 
Sometimes I find myself saying hi to women while only thinking about the weather, and only moments later do I realize that I forgot I am supposed to obsess over interracial cuck porn. How do I make sure to never stop thinking about interracial cuck porn? This is a serious problem overshadowing my nonexistent sex life. Maybe I should spend even more time on /pol/? I can't even get hard while watching BLACKED porn. I really want to be into it, but it is just not inclusive enough.
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>>18036
Sounds like you're ready to graduate to reverse interracial sissy cucking (preferably with an anal breeding or throatpie subcategory). This is where the white man dresses up like a woman and has gay sex with a black man in front of his wife. It's the next logical step after regular BLACKED cuck porn gets too boring for you. If you graduate past this point hit me up, I've got some zoo stuff that will really blow your mind. You ever see an armadillo fucking a MILF? I have.
>>18039
Holy shit the body language in this picture
>hand in pocket
>other hand likely flat palmed barely touching the womans back
>guys shoulders uptight
>facing away from woman
>standing behind and away from woman
>womans hips pointing away from man
>niggers eyes looking away and for a store to rob
>>18039
The baby is is too dark. IF IT WERE REALLY HERS, it would be lighter - totally ruins the fantasy. I know if my wife had a baby with a beautiful black adonis, I'd want everyone to know. That baby could pass as adopted.
Replies: >>18042
>>18041
Adopting a black baby and raising another man's child is cuck behavior for the husband
>>18036
Melanin + Estradol + Zinc
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>>18036
Bro to really go next level you gotta get into japanese scat porn
Replies: >>18050
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>>18039
Is it gay to like TMNT now?
>>18045
Nta, but urine > scat. Neither compare to the best porn, which is armpit porn.
Replies: >>18065
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I just want to take Ashley to Olove Garden.
Replies: >>18058
Anytime I drink something I pretend it's urine/cum.
>>18052
>when your cumming, you're family
N1 Ash's sister
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>>18050
based
Replies: >>18068 >>18097
>>18065
There's no cringe, like an Indian trying to be sassy cringe.
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>>18068
do milk
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>>8494 (OP) 
Made the mistake of re-watching Twin Peaks. I'm gonna die. I need to pork some egg fried rice, if you know what I mean. Hay fever may not be in season, but there's some kind of fever going around. I'm always feeling hungry. I might have to go see my doctor, Miss Wu.
>>18077
>>18065
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7c3GPdu2qA&t=63s
I got pee shy when my coworker snagged the urinal next to me. I wanted to FUCKING die.
Replies: >>18378 >>18379
>>18377
Next time take a peak at his weewee and say
“Hey man, that’s a nice penis. Wanna dock?”
He’ll keep the fuck away from you.

Or he’ll have a hard-on and take that as an invitation to actual docking.
>>18377
That's on him. Who the fuck picks a urinal right next to someone? Unless that's the only one, that guy is a fruitcake who probably had an eye for your prize.
>>8899
I like tomboys because my  sister is  tomboy and I really want to fuck my sister but she says not unless I pay her and I'm not going to pay to fuck my own sister event hough she's the definition of a tomboy. She looks like those anime tomboys but real.
Replies: >>18427
>>18425
Your sister is a whore. How much does she charge? Post pics of your sister. I'll pay her to be Ashley's gf if she is thot as you say.
Replies: >>18461
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$600. I mean I could afford it but I shouldn't have to pay. Here is  a pic from a few years ago She's 30 now.
>>18432
Listen, anyone who wants to fuck their sister can never admit it to their sister. To have your sister hear you out and AGREE is unheard of (unless you live in Alabama). Cough up the $600 you faggot, she'll love your cock and the taboo and be coming onto you next.
Replies: >>18435 >>18437
>>18433
Unfortunately I don't live in Alabama..I've given her subtle hints for the last 4 or 5 years but never came out and said anything until a few weeks ago and apparently she already knew. Then told I had to pay $600. I don't think she feels the same way about me as I feel about here otherwise she wouldn't make me pay...maybe I should forget the whole thing.
Replies: >>18436 >>18437
>>18435
She's for sure a little horny for you to even entertain the idea, but it sounds like you want a loving sexual relationship rather than a sexual fling. Just give her the $600 and see how it goes, you might get her spunk drunk. I'd jump on the opportunity ASAP because this bitch will pull out (heh) if you dont go for it. If this is real, stop being a pussy and give her the money. Nobody gets an opportunity this good.
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>>18432
Are you motherfucking kidding me? All you have to do is pay $600 and she's WILLINGLY going to let you fuck her sweet incest pussy? Like >>18433 says, that's an incredibly rare and lucky situation to find yourself in.

>>18435
Dude on the off chance this isn't a joke you NEED to fuck your sister. Imagine how powerful that orgasm will be when you bust your nut deep inside your own little sister's pussy. I'm fucking chubbing up right now bro.

If you do it and you want to become a hero of tubgurl lore forever, take pics/hidden camera or at least just report back. My god. I can't fucking take it.
>>18432
Cum tribute her pic and send it to her.
Replies: >>18442
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>>18432
I confess that if I was you I would bang your sister
>>18440
I did. That was one of my subtle hints. She just rolled her eyes.
Replies: >>18444 >>18447
>>18432
>Philipino
>>18442
If this whole thing is a big joke I'm going to be very upset. I need to get off, anon.
Replies: >>18447
>>18432
Shut up Ashley
>>18442
>>18444
Dammit I'm pretty sure it was a joke. I really wanted a sister fucker on this board.
Replies: >>18449
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Post more Asian street meat
Replies: >>18451
>>18447
It's not a joke...I'm 5 years older than her and felt this way for atleast 9 years. I think it stemmed from a lucid dream I had about her for some reason and ever since she's been on my mind.I think I'm going to give in and do it.
>>18449
Nice. How did you show your sister the cum tribute? Care to contribute in the cum tribute thread? >>13962
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>>18448
possibly Asian, or an alien

>>18449
setup a hidden camera and record it so we can have a watch party over on the Cytube
>>18449
>I think I'm going to give in and do it.
Do it. It will be very weird and awkward at first I'm sure, but once you get into her tiny asian little sister incest pussy, all of her instincts will kick in. The taboo nature of the act will be enough to make you both cum buckets. After 9 years of fantasizing your nut is going to be insane.

Have you ever seen her naked as adults?
Replies: >>18454
stroking rn
Replies: >>18456
>>18452
Actually, not asian. half Hopi Native American.I've seen her bottomless by accident at the lake but didn't want to stare. Ok...i have to get to bed but will post updates later on.
Replies: >>18455 >>18456
>>18454
>will post updates later on.
Please do, I'm very invested in whether or not you have sex with your sister
>>18454
Finally something interesting happening on this board. Agree with this bro >>18453 this is gonna be good stroke material. I want updates, the good, the bad, anything.
>>18427
Do something you wont regret later. You wont find someone else in your life to have sexual intercourse with.
It wont be pathetic, anon.
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Replies: >>18464
Ya know anon, I don't think fucking your sister is a good idea unless you tell any and all potential male partners in her life about it in extreme detail so they know how much of a worthless whore she is jk you should totally do her bro bang your sister im serious she needs to get what she fucking deserves
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>>18461
>>18463
Don't you actual faggots dare ruin this for me
Replies: >>18466
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>>18432
Wincest! You are lucky. And actually a cute sister too. Please dont tell me your sister is a guy. Im not ready to be gay
>>18464
I'm ok with it as long and she's ruined for it
>>18463
BANG YOUR SISTER!!!! :D So glad Ashley has given us a place to discuss this in a positive and accepting manner. Love is love.
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Replies: >>18492
Bros now I kinda wish I had a sexy bro so we can suck each other off
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Replies: >>18475
>>18474
Wow thats SO gay!
I've got a bad case of egg farts right now and my entire room reaks like a motherfucker.
>>8494 (OP) 
>>18473
UPDATE
I'm at work right now but talked to my sister this morning and looks like it's a go tomorrow night after she's done with her work. Plans are to meet at the local motel just be safe she also said I can't film anything but unbeknownst to her I will be wearing my Zetrnix Security Camera eyeglasses to hopefully get some footage to share with you. It probably won't be the best but atleast it'll be something. I am so excited and have been dreaming for this moment for years.
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>>18492
Replies: >>18510
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>>18492
Godspeed, anon.
>I will be wearing my Zetrnix Security Camera eyeglasses
Those glasses can be a little conspicuous, what you can do is set them on the nightstand or dresser or something next to your other things (keys, phone etc) and they'll blend in like just more of your stuff.
>I am so excited and have been dreaming for this moment for years.
I'm excited too, I've been dreaming of this moment since you brought it up yesterday. Can't wait to beat my meat to this.

Do you think you can signal to us in some way so we know you're legit? Obviously if you can work in "Ashley" or "Tubgurl" that would be best, but I can see how that would be hard to work into conversation.

How about this: your code phrase is: "Did you see the ice machine anywhere? We're gonna need it, because things are going to get really hot in here."

Just kidding. But if you can work in the ice machine generally we'll know it's you.
Replies: >>18524
>>18492
Did you send her the $600 through Cash app? Can I fuck her next. I wonder how much Ashley would charge her brother?
>>18494
Thats a goy penis
>>18498
They actually look the glasses I occasionally wear so I don't think she'll be too suspicious. As far any type of signal maybe I;ll raise my middle finger or something.
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>>18492
>>18524
You can do it! Fuck your sister and ascend to legendary tubby status
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>>18524
The middle finger is too common. Try popping one of these hand signals real quick, that's your sign to us that you're legit. Please confirm that you'll do this.
>>18524
Legit excited hope this isnt a joke
>>18527
This is actually a great idea
>>18492
This shit is like a holiday to me. I've been counting down the days (well, day) until sisterfuckeranon deflowers his tomboy sister

>>18527
Yeah because the finger could be anybody but if he did this we could actually know it was for us
Replies: >>18563
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>me monitoring this thread for the past 2 days
>>18492
you better deliver anon
>>18537
Tonight's the night. I'm in the bathroom. At work trying not to cum my pants as I've been edging since this morning at 6 am hoping it will enhance the experience. Only 5 more hours until it goes down. Probably will upload the footage to streamable was going to use streamja but it got shut down. Anyways I'll probably post it around midnight central time so...be ready.
ASHLEY WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICK!!!
I CANT WAIT FOR THIS GUY TO BANG HIS SISTER!
I approve my message.
You're almost as based as Stalin banging your sister.

Very cool, bro. :) :) :)
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Replies: >>18569
>>18563
Do this signal >>18527 so we know its not a video you found on the internet. Edging, nice. What if you nut right away? Which lets be honest, is most likely whats going to happen. I'm not judging, just concerned you won't get to make the most of that $600 and probably $100 motel cost. Good luck
>>18567
I'm out of control.
I want him to fuck his sister. I'm going goblin mode rn ngl.
But I CAN'T wait this guy to fuck his sister. OMG! WTF! I never witnessed real wincest! Lol!
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>>18563
You don't fool me Ashley Jones
Bros. I've just reached PNC and I realized that it's not right to fuck my sister's sweet tight brown pussy.
Oh, wait now that I think of it. I do wanna fuck her. No! I just came again. Double PNC! SHIT! :(
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I want to see anon's sister fuck Ashley. How much would that cost?
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>>18563
DO THE FUCKING SIGNAL
Hey, I go to work with this guy's sister. She's a real hottie. I always fantasize eating her out and jerk off to her at home. Can't wait to FINALLY see her naked and getting fucked.
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>>18563
Oh, I'm ready
Replies: >>18592
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>>18563
>it's happening right now
Replies: >>18592 >>18594
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>>18563
>>18591
>Only 5 more hours until it goes down
>posted 5 hours ago
it actually is!

>>18590
haha funny GIMP'ed photo! haha..aha... it is edited right?
Replies: >>18594
>>18591
>>18592
Do you think he's cummed yet?
>>18594
I think it's possible he nutted the second she walked through the door
Replies: >>18602
>>18594
>>18599
Yes and hopefully the edging made him so horny that he blew fat load first then went round 2 and lasted longer
>>18594
Nah, it was fun but I think he's going to confess he's a faggot retard lying about having a sister who agreed to fuck him. I hope I'm wrong but I have my doubts.
Replies: >>18610 >>18613
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>>18609
You're probably right. For me it was about the journey, not the destination. It's been an honor masturbating with my fellow tubbies to this LARP and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.
Replies: >>18613
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>>18609
>>18610
NO THERES STILL TIME!
HE JUST HASNT POSTED IT YET BECAUSE HE IS EXHAUSTED AFTER THE GREATEST SEX OF HIS LIFE WITH HIS SISTER OK?!?!
ITS STILL REAL TO ME DAMN IT!
Replies: >>18615
>>18613
I'm hopeful but not expecting anything. It's more likely it's some faggot messing with us. Only time will tell. If he cucks us, someone else is going to need us help nut.
Replies: >>18616 >>18642
>>18615
>If he cucks us, someone else is going to need us help nut.
someone else is going to need to help us nut*
Replies: >>18618
>>18616
I'M BACK! Footage will be uploaded in maybe 3 hours if everything goes according to plan. I lasted 1:24. No foreplay or anything in and out "literally" I have to go eat and do other stuff so see you all later.
>>18618
>1:24
A minute and 24 seconds or an hour and 24 seconds?
Sorry we were shit talking you while you were presumably fucking your cute sister allegedly

I'm skeptical, you don't seem that mind blown for a man who fucked his sis, but we'll see. We'll all see. I still have a boner regardless.
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>>18618
>>18618
>>18618
>I'M BACK! Footage will be uploaded in maybe 3 hours if everything goes according to plan
AWW HELL YEAH


thats gonna allow 3hrs for me to edge for it
>>18618
>I have to go eat and do other stuff so see you all later.
Nigga is calling planned parenthood right now
Replies: >>18630
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>>18627
Replies: >>18636
>>18630
Ok here is it. Sorry for the lack of sound and crappy quality. I used those spy glasses and they dont have a mic. Hope you enjoy. https://streamable.com/n49sek
>>18636
>no hand signal
Not buying it
>>18636
>speaking in gookbabble
I thought you said she wasn't asian? FAKE AND GAY
>>18636
>I used those spy glasses and they dont have a mic.
>they dont have a mic
>video has sound
NIGGER
>>18636
This is fake as hell. Seems like I could just go find a video exactly like it on /gif/, you stupid nigger. And here I was excited to see a dude fuck his sister.
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W-why did he do this to us?
>>18615
>If he cucks us, someone else is going to need us help nut.
Anyone know any good JAVs with tomboy sisters? I'm very horny.
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What stage are you at bros?
Replies: >>18644
>>18636
well, well, well... Im going to chose to believe you anon
But WE NEED more details!
describe things like

what positions?
where did u cum?
did you make her cum?
how good was your orgasm?
how did she taste?
what did u do before?
what did you guys do after it?
was she weird about it?
or did she like it?
did you really have to pay her?

details details details!

>>18643
 number 1 :( 
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>>18642
All I have is this
Replies: >>18646
>>18645
Lol. No. Those are children. I'm always looking for some good JAVs though. I'm tracking my masturbation sessions in a log. At the end of the year, I'll have some pretty good analytics as far as watch time, semen volume, tag preference, favorite actors, and so on. I need more tomboys, though :(
Replies: >>18649
>>18642
WTF is going on here. I am the OP who started started this whole thing and some asshole comes in and posts ching-chong porn. NOW im PISSED. I had this planned out for 2 days. TWO DAYS. Well...here is the video I WAS going to post. https://streamable.com/jxyanc
I'm going to bed. Thanks for nothing.
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>>18636
God damn it I wanted this to be real so bad.

What do you have to say for yourself, anon? Did it feel good to make us all get hard boners and jack ourselves off and cum while thinking about this incredibly implausible situation? Huh? Did it? You some kinda QUEER or something making us all have male orgasms like that? How does it feel to know that you gave multiple men pleasure in their dicks, you homo?

You know what I'm going to do to make you even more of a faggot? I'm going to masturbate to your little fake video. I'm going to cum to it and orgasm myself so good baby. That's for you you little gaywad. Take it. TAKE IT.
>>18646
Yeah tomboys are hard to come by but not hard to come to am I right? Pls post if you find any.
>>18642
>I'm very horny.

Me too. I was going to masturbate to it if he actually fucked his sister. Well, now that we're all pent up with nothing to show... anyone wanna watch porn on Cytube and have a group wank?
Replies: >>18651 >>18657
Spoiler File
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>>18650
oh Ive got something for anons sister...
Replies: >>18652 >>18653
>>18651
NOOOOO WHY DIDNT YOU SAVE IT FOR THE CYTUBE MEETING? FUCK YOU GUYS IM GOING TO BED.
Replies: >>18654
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>>18651
KEK BASED
>>18652
I CHECKED CYTUBE AND NO ONE WAS THERE... IM SICK AND TIRED OF CUMMING ALONE, ATLEAST THIS WAY I COULD PRETEND ANONS SISTER WAS THERE WITH ME IN MY BED!!!!
Replies: >>18655
>>18654
I NEED SOME PEOPLE TO AGREE BEFORE I START QUEUING UP SOME PORNO. IT WOULD'VE BEEN SAD IF I WAS MASTURBATING TO MY OWN CYTUBE BY MYSELF. I already unplugged all my gear, so it's not happening tonight ;_; You missed your chance. Duke wouldn't do this to me.
Replies: >>18656 >>18658
>>18655
FINE!!! GOSH!!! 
AND YOUR RIGHT DUKE WOULDNT DO THIS TO YOU BECAUSE HE WOULDNT BE CAUGHT DEAD WITH A GIRL LIKE YOU

NOW WHERE ARE MY FUCKING CHEESESTICKS MOM!!!
>>18650
Guys, I apologize for not actually fucking my sister. I should have never even mentioned it. That is actually my sister and I still wish to fuck her but she's married and already said no. I guess this is whole thing was my way of coping. Please forgive me. I never meant to get everyone worked up. In order to show that I an truly sorry if you visit https://www.vip-pussy.com and find a video you want I will download it for you. Not kidding. I'm feeling really guilty...
Replies: >>18659 >>18663
>>18655
Go to bed, hornball
>>18657
I hope you learned your lesson. This text box is as blue as my balls.
Replies: >>18661
>>18659
I'll be posting the latest edition of your fascism on the news fag, Ashley.
I'm all about investigative journalism.
>>18657
I cant accept your apology because you fucking your sister would have surpassed me in terms of what tubbies have done with their sister
Replies: >>18664
>>18663
Wait, what have you done with your sister?
Replies: >>18670
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>>18664
Its more accurate to say what she did to me
Replies: >>18672
 NEW THREAD >>18666 
CONTINUE THE SISTER SAGA
>>18670
Please give details in new bread
My friend wants me to go to his super bowl party, but i fucking don't want to go. What do?
Replies: >>18990
>>18989
I think you’ll regret not to go. I think it’ll be a fun experience for you. Hey maybe there’ll be chicks there.

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