/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

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Forgive me tubbies, for I have sinned...

Well, what did you do? Confess.
I lied to a bunch of horny faggots on this website tubgurl.com about how I was going to fuck my sister but I don't even have a sister
Replies: >>18669 >>20317
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>>18667
this whole board's balls color right now
Replies: >>18684
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Ok so who is this really? Liar-anon can you at least give us the source on the pic? I wanna beat off to this chick and imagine she's my sister
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Thoughts on making this the official gang sign for all tubbies?
>>18673
Yeah I reverse image searched and got nothing. This is like our fucking D-Day.
>>18666 (OP) 
I'd let that priest molest me
>>18669
The hornyness has faded and turned into sadness. Now the only thing blue is my tears.
>>18664
>>18671
>>18672
When I was either 5 or 6 I woke up one morning to my sister in my bed. I shared a bunk bed with my brother  and being the older brother, was in the top bunk asleep at the time and so I was on the bottom (no bottom/top jokes pls ty)

When I woke up I immediately felt this wet and warm sensation on my mouth. I cant remember if I initially opened my eyes, but when I realised what she was doing to me I kept very still and kept my eyes shut.
Not also was she kissing me, she at times touched my cock. Over the top of the pants, not her hand in my pants or anything like that.
Being 5 or 6 I didnt understand at the time what she was doing and I wasnt enjoying it despite what you sick fucks are probably thinking.
I wasnt exactly scared or anything, more like very confused and unsure what to do.
This didnt last very long, but since I was previously asleep, I dont know how long she was doing this to me against my will.
It only ever happened that one time and I dont know why she did it. she is a few years older than me so Ive always just chalked it up to puberty fueled curiosity.
Im not close to my sister. I dont hold that against her or anything but for other reasons we no longer speak.
Thats my sister confession and yes its all real.
Replies: >>18719
>>18673
Ashley's true crush. It's obvi
>>18696
haha
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>>18696
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ANON CUM TRIBUTED A FUCKIN DUDE WHAHAHWHAHH WHAT A FAGGOT
Replies: >>18702
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>>18696
Holy shit you're telling me I was edging to a YOUTUBER?
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>>18673
gonna drop the sauce, so you guys can finally spill yours

y'all faggots have been edging to amos yee, drown in shame
Replies: >>18705
>>18699
HOLY SHIT!!!! WE HAVE THE PROOF >>18651
Replies: >>18715
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WAIT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???''

WHATS THIS DELETED POST ABOUT????
>>18696

DID I REALLY JUST FUCKING JACK OFF ONTO A MANS FACE?!?!?!
>>18703
You wouldn't have done that had you waited for a group cytube jack off sesh... faggot.
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>>18701
You might have made up the entire sister story and I'm still pretty disappointed about that, but you did manage to get an anon to unknowingly cum tribute some male asian twink. That's fucking hilarious and qualifies you for LEGENDARY TUBBY STATUS, congratulations.

Ashley I would like to submit this entire saga for the 2024 Ashley Awards when you do the board recap

>>18703
Hahahahaha yes you did FAGGOT
>>18703
dude... you're like a homo now hurhurhur
>>18703
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA
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HOLY FUCK!

its even worse bros....











that cum tribby I posted.. was actually a 2nd cum tribby. I did one the other day to "her" but wasnt happy with the camera work, so I "reshoot" it by doing a SECOND one...


omfg i dont think i can ever recover from this
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>>18708
im fucking cring rn
i cant feven breafe
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAAHAH
Replies: >>18713
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>>18708
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>>18708
So have you bought your gay pride flag to hang on your wall yet?
Replies: >>18713
>>18708
nice
>>18709
youre crying!?!? 
I JUST FOUND OUT I JERKED OFF OVER ANOTHER DUDES FACE.................... TWICE!!! :( :( :(

>>18711
no but something else is gonna be hanging in my room soon..............
Replies: >>18714 >>18716
>>18713
>no but something else is gonna be hanging in my room soon..............
Thats funny. Almost as funny as you cum tributing a MAN
>>18702
Damn that was a fucking big load he gave him too
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>>18713
It's okay. Tubbies, lets help a brother out. We need to post hot women to convert him back to straight.
Replies: >>18717 >>18721
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>>18716
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>>18685
Ok now that the dust has settled we can get back to this. Thank you for sharing, anon. How old was your sister exactly? It's important for me to know so that I can picture this scenario accurately the next time I beat off.

I know you said you no longer speak, but perhaps before that, did you ever find out if she knows that you know she molested you?

tbh I have an older sister too and the thought of doing anything sexual with her absolutely disgusts me so I'm kinda sorry that happened to you especially at such a young age.

It's nice to be a man though because I doubt you really give a shit and you aren't going around telling everyone how you were raped etc. Wow she kissed you and touched your peepee over the pants, time to write a book and get interviewed on local morning news shows about being a "survivor."

I'm more into the "My cute [REDACTED] year old little sister snuck into my bed and started sucking my dick, then I came in her mouth and we never talked about it again" type scenarios.
Replies: >>18789
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>>18716
ty kind anon, atleast not all of you are deceiving people into cum tribbing onto dudes faces
>>18721
...c'mon bro
Replies: >>18726 >>18728
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>>18649

As far as cute tomboys go, you should check out Tsubasa AIhara. I like her stuff. I don't know if she still does JAV, though. Picrel is what she looks like. I wish she did more lesbian and cross dressing stuff. I think she also goes by Misato Ichikawa.

She's grown her hair out, but I also used to like Ai Mukai/Mari Haneda. She has a lot of videos with short hair, but they aren't subbed. I read Chinese anyway, so I just watch Chinese subbed JAV.

I don't know if she's a tomboy, but there's also Mayu Nozomi. She pretty cute. Has a bit of a boyish gyaru look, with short hair.

There's Riasu Mizutani. I don't like her so much. 

There's Suzu Monami. She has some videos where she looks very tomboyish.

Again, maybe not a tomboy, but there's Mana Sakura.

Yura Kano has some videos where she looks like a tomboy.

This is just off the top of my head. I do need more tomboys though, as I really should be able to come up with more.
>>18723
cum on bro*

that's his nickname now i guess
>>18721
STOP IT I CANT KEEP COMING TO THIS FUCKING HELL HOLE I JUST WANTED STRAIGHT INCEST SEX
>>18723
Are you asking for me to cum on you?
nah I cant give you some of my baby batter, but i appreciate the request
>>18721
by my count that's 3 nuts today. still maintaining a nice voluminous load. Impressive.
Replies: >>18735
>>18729
I just wanted to stop in and say that nobody came to any guys. This time. The picture is my legitimate sister. I think it's hot what you have done and will be showing it to her when i get  a chance and might even post a even better picture. Also like i said she isnt asian so stop saying she is because its disgusting.
>>18735
Native Americans are way more disgusting than Asians. I don't know what planet you are on.
Replies: >>18941
>>18735
>I just wanted to stop in and say that nobody came to any guys
......
Dont tell him about this.... >>18721


Nigster I don't even think you have a sister. Post another picture for proof but otherwise I'm still thinking that's a guy.
Replies: >>19091
Don’t the Jews give you enough free porn to whack off to? WTF do you see in this guy’s mid-looking (alleged) sister?
Replies: >>18739
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>>18738
How many opportunities have you had to encourage a guy to fuck his sister? None. This fantasy was rare to come by but sadly just a fantasy. In American she's above mid just by not being fat.

We need to move on from the sister saga. Now all I want to know is why he lied to us. I know you're reading this. Why did you do it to us?
Replies: >>18740
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>>18739
I may have a Final solution for you.
Watch these identical twins scissor each other off
https://www.xvideos.com/video56371901/teenage_twin_1976_-_full_video
Replies: >>18741
>>18740
I didn't see any scissoring
Replies: >>18742
>>18741
That’s because you’ve gone blind from wanking too much.
Jk.
I guess there was no scissoring
Was it good though?
this is no place for morals
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>>18721
Uh, dude?
Of all all the tranny porn stars to go main stream why on god's green earth did it have to be Bailey Jay. I don't usually jerk off to tranny porn but the few times I have it was never to him. Ugly ass bird faced creature. I like my trannies with normal sized or larger cocks. not tiny estrogen filled baby dicks. I also like are getting ass fucked and you see them blow their load as their prostate is mashed by the other guys dick. I hate seeing small soft cocks flop around as their asses are ttor to shred. Pisses me off.
Replies: >>18770 >>18783
>>18768
>I like my trannies with normal sized or larger cocks. not tiny estrogen filled baby dicks.
That only leaves you with Brazilians. Those trannies could even fool the Crocodile Hunter with those snakes.

Please dont proceed to list non-Brazilian trannies with big cocks.
>>18768
>I hate seeing small soft cocks flop around as their asses are ttor to shred.
Same here bro but it's probably because they're on hormonal drugs that make it difficult to get erections plus getting fucked by a man in your asshole doesn't actually feel that great and in fact can be quite painful because the anus isn't made to be a receiving orifice. I mean that's just my guess though who knows
Replies: >>18786
>>18783
>plus getting fucked by a man in your asshole doesn't actually feel that great
That's not true, lmao. 

t. Actual Homosexual
Replies: >>18791 >>18792
>>18719
She would have been around 11 or 12.
We have never spoken about it and I dont remember her ever acting or hinting that I knew about it. 
It just happened that one time and was over.

>>18735
>The picture is my legitimate sister
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ6N-sb7SVQ

but if you do show her, tell us her reaction to it.
Replies: >>18790
>>18789
Maybe she thought you were Justin Bieber
>>18786
>lmao
Confirmed for actual homosexual
>>18786
I'm not a fag so I've never been banged by a dude or shoved anything up my butthole, but I what I have had are some absolutely monster shits. I mean some real thick ones that absolutely stretched me out, I'm sure of it. Is that basically what getting buttfucked is like, except over and over? If so, I don't see how that could feel good, especially not in a sexual way. Like I agree it feels nice to take a big dump, but that's more in a way of feeling satisfied or relieved, not aroused. Anyway, please describe in detail what it's like to get your back hole pumped by a big strong man, thanks.
Replies: >>18817
>>18792
You just aren't horny enough. Also, it takes practice. I'm not a bottom, but I've anally masturbated, and it is very intense. How good it feels really depends on if you are in the mood, and if you take the time to prepare.
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>>18817
You're gettin' your vegtables today
Replies: >>18829 >>18942
>>18817
Gay homo fag
>>18819
I love me a good chocolate dipped cucumber from time to time
>>18817
I agree with this anon.
I just had one a few minutes ago. When my gaping asshole has a break to get a little less gaped I'm going to do it again. I use 2 oranges one slightly bigger than the other and the bigger orange slightly too big for the size of my hole. Lube the first orange and get it in there. Lube the 2nd and put it at the entrance while standing up. Give some pressure to get it started. It's slightly too big so it won't go in
Keep up firm but not excessive pressure on it and alternate between bowing and standing straight. Eventually it will work it's way inside you so that you are just keeping it in there with your fingers/hand. Jump up and down while you hold the oranges in. You'll feel the pressure of oranges being pushed down by gravity and then they will suck back up inside your back hole. 
Get a nice motion going. Try fast, try slower, do some experimenting to see what feels the best. To have an orgasm you have to try to push the oranges out with your ass while you keep them in with your hand. 
Feels fucking fantastic. if you are experienced and can accommodate it, you can shove one of those long purple  stimulators up there before you put the oranges in and start jumping.

If you ever see anyone jumping down the street with his hand down the back of his pants you know he read this and hit the jackpot.
Replies: >>18948
>>18736
Ashley’s dad is Native American.
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>>18819
How about some watermelon.
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>>18942
watermelon is a fruit retard
Replies: >>18944 >>19005
>>18943
I'll tell you what else is a fruit. 
you.
Replies: >>18945
>>18944
How will I ever recover from such witty repartee?
>>18853
Ashley pls
>>18990
Normie opinion discarded

>>18989
Don't go, football is fucking retarded and boring. He's probably going to have other retards show up, don't feel bad for not being one of them. Would you rather do something you enjoy, or be miserable for hours just to appease your friend who is very likely to be in a shitty mood anyways after "his team" loses? Just say you got an upset stomach, say your family member needs help with moving, or just ignore him. I ignore people and honestly always works out fine.
Replies: >>19002 >>19004
I took a huge shit this morning it smelled so bad and felt gay my asshole needed time to recover.

No, I didn’t take a picture. I would not subjugate you poor souls to what I saw.
>>19000
Fuck I got the get and didn't realize it. Trips of truth.
>>19000
Yeah, didn't end up going. He's not much of a friend anyways, I've outgrown him. There's something culturally cucked when men/father figures gathering around to worship big black men who pound eachother on screen in the presence of their wives and daughters, no?
Replies: >>19006 >>19009
>>18943
I never said it wasn’t. Who’s the retard now.
>>19004
Good for you. I never got into sports, if I were going to be interested in sports I'd rather play them than watch someone else play it. Also youre right, there is a gay undertone to worshiping and idolizing sweaty muscular black men playing with balls. What did you do instead? Frankly I forgot today was the Super Bowl. My toilet is the only bowl I care about.
Replies: >>19009
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>>19004
>>19006
>not knocking back a few cold ones with ya mates and cheering on the trained monkeys as they bash their heads into one another.
maybe even have a gamble on it too


Anyways since this is a confession thread, I confess I dont understand the appeal of American football.
There is way to much stopping and starting leading to more downtime than actual play time. and dont even get me started on the amount of ads that are played because of this. The biggest match in the sport is arguably overshadowed by the ads is funny.
Whats also funny is the fact that they have padding and helmets to protect themselves but they end up using their helmets as battering rams and get CTE.
Meanwhile in real mans sport like Rugby we dont need that shit and yet we never get as much brain injurys
Replies: >>19011 >>19023
>>19009
It's barbaric it what it is.
But I think it's jolly good fun seeing men giving each other permanent brain damage over big bucks.
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>>19009
I used to watch Rugby, those guys are animals. If a player doesn't end the game with the bare minimum of at least a bloody broken nose then he's playing the game wrong.
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shocking results today
>>18737
Hey guys...
I showed my sister the tribute video anon posted and she initially thought it was me but after closer examination she realized it wasnt but still wasn't happy and preceded to tell our parents. Now I'm totally ostracized from the family. Oh well... atleast i have you guys right?
>>19091
That's pretty bad but I wouldn't say it's ostrich sized.
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>>19091
>atleast i have you guys right?
Sure, bud. Welcome aboard.
>>19091
I would disown you too after giving everyone fucking blue balls
Replies: >>19121
>>19096
shouldve cummed on her face brotha!
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>>19091
Yeah we're not falling for your tricks again you filthy liar
Replies: >>19165
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When I take a huge shit I sometimes get a boner.
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>>19142
Fine ill admit it. She's not actually my sister. She's my half sister. We only share like twenty four  percent dna opposed to fifty like full siblings making the whole inceat thing less exciting. I once again applogize
Replies: >>19168
>>19165
When are you going to apologize for making my balls hurt? When are you going to tell us why you did what you did? You're a half sibling but full of shit. I LOVE INCEST
I like feeders because my sister is a feeder and I really want to be fed by my sister but she says not unless I feed her bread sticks and I'm not going to feed my own feeder sister even though she's the definition of a feeder because I'm the feedee. She looks like those anime shota boys but real
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 I mean I could share some with her but I shouldn't have to. Here is a pic from a few days ago. She looks thirsty.
I'm not broke...I'm 11 years older than her and felt this way for at least 8 years. I think it stemmed from a lucid dream I had about her for some reason and ever since she's been on my mind. I think I'm going to give in and take her out for dinner.
>>19214
Your sister likes food, huh? That gets me a little fart horny. I might give her a shit tribute. All I need first is to find some saran wrap.
Replies: >>19219
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>>19214
Yea nigga she look thirstay for NUT
>>19214
Didnt noticed how different she looks now that she isnt 15 anymore. i wonder how she will look when she turns 35. you know you wont be mistaken for a 11yo pre teen very molestable little boy forever, Ashley!
Replies: >>19220 >>19221
>>19216
 Fine, I'll admit it. She's not actually my sister. She's only my sister at Olive Garden because when you're here, you're family.
>>19218
Same. Tbh she looks wrecked for being 15yo here >>19160
Cuter now probably the hair style.
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>>19218
Have you seen what 25 year olds typically look like these days? Not to simp but Ashley looks fucking fantastic I am a pedophile though so ymmv
Replies: >>19222
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>>19221
Here you go fags. Here's that 2nd picture I promised. I already added cum to it so tributes won't be necessary.
Replies: >>19224
>>19222
Photoshopped cum and not the same sister, you are a faggot
Replies: >>19225 >>19287
>>19224
I never claimed it was MY cum.  And yes it's her.
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>>18666 (OP) 
No more pics. Nobody here deserves them.
Replies: >>19228 >>19287
>>19227
This is /ashleyj/ not /unibrow/.
>>19214
dude ur sister looks like this mexican guy I know. he hangs around with outcasts and last time i checked had this odd looking gf
>>19224
all cum is CGI/greenscreened in

>>19227
Do I cum on this? your sister is cute but Im a bit confused and scared after last time........... which is making me a lil bit horny ngl 
>>18666 (OP) 
Sometimes I pretend to be a black person on 4chan.
Replies: >>19639 >>19640
>>19638
hows that work? Do you just mention you're black?
Replies: >>19666
>>19638
As a black person, I think this is hilarious.
>>19639
Well... yes.
Replies: >>19667
>>19666
and then they flip the fuck out? Hilarious.
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>>18721
special message for you
I forgot today was Mother's Day.
Found out my gf of 2 months was fucking this guy from work like a month before we started talking but swears it ended. I lied and said it doesn't bother me. It does. Now I'm questioning everytime she didn't want to hang out or answer my calls, let me give her a hickey anywhere on her body. She hasn't even let me fuck her yet and now I'm wondering if that's why despite her saying she just doesn't want sex to be the foundation of our relationship. I feel sick to my stomach. I've got no one else so I've been putting up with her bullshit just hoping to get a crumb of pussy.
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>>19880
Please for the love of god anon, don't just dismiss what I'm about to say. I hesitate to give other guys "chick advice" because younger dudes are such wimps and never take what I'm saying seriously, despite my being an older, wiser, and fully certified pussy slayer™. But I'll go out on a limb for a fellow tubbie.

>Found out my gf of 2 months was fucking this guy from work like a month before we started talking but swears it ended.
She might be lying about the timeline. Women tend to "monkey branch," i.e., go from one guy immediately to the next. Sometimes a woman wants to hedge her bets, so there's an overlap -- she's interested in you, but not willing to give up what she already has, just in case. So it's possible she was still fucking him during the beginning of your relationship and didn't cut it off until later, or that she's still fucking him now on the DL. To be fair, it's also entirely possible she's telling the truth. Whatever she's up to is frankly irrelevant, because the bottom line is that you should:
1. never fully trust a woman anyway, and
2. not care so much that the behavior of a bitch impacts you very deeply, which it has

>I lied and said it doesn't bother me. It does.
Yeah, I get it. The emotions are so strong, and boy that shit hurts bad. And unfortunately, until you change your frame of mind and overall perspective on yourself and about women, you're going to continue having to endure these kinds of strong, painful emotions. You need to come to the following conclusions:
1. A woman should never be your "primary" thing. You need to have projects and goals that are more important than any woman. You are on your path -- you're ALLOWING her to come along for the ride. If she doesn't want to come, that's cool, but you're still going. That's the energy you want to project all the time.
2. You are allowed to have standards. If it means giving up a piece of ass, then by all means, she shouldn't let the door hit that ass on her way out. If you want a woman that's monogamous to you, let her know straight up. Tell her that she has one chance and that there's no going back. This sounds extreme, or like it would offend her, or whatever, but the reality is she'll respect you more (and be more attracted to you) if you have a backbone.
3. Attractive women are fucking everywhere. She isn't special.
4. Interesting, intelligent, confident men are, however, quite rare. You ARE special.
5. Ergo, you are the prize. She should be chasing you. If you're chasing her, you're proving to her that you have none of the qualities mentioned in #4. So why should she be attracted to you? She can get some lamer to fuck her anytime she wants.

>Now I'm questioning everytime she didn't want to hang out or answer my calls
People do have lives, but here's a rule of thumb with women: at most, you should be contacting them half as much as they contact you (if not less). I'm guessing that you've answered every single call/text she's ever made, and agreed to every date/hangout. She knows she's 100% in control. You're "boyfriend on tap" for her. This kind of submissive, always-available male behavior will lower her desire for you substantially. Girls will actually like you more if you miss a call or two, or give them shitty one-liner text responses 6 hours later. What's he up to? What's he doing that's more important than me? I'm hot, doesn't he want me? Does he have other women interested? Was he with one of them now? Oh my goodness, why am I so wet right now??

>let me give her a hickey anywhere on her body.
This to me is a red flag. It's actually quite understandable and not that odd if a girl doesn't want a hickey on her neck or somewhere visible -- maybe she just doesn't want her parents to see it, or for people at her work to see it, etc. However, if she wouldn't let you give her one on her titty or stomach or ass or whatever, that can indicate someone else is seeing those parts of her body, not just you.

>She hasn't even let me fuck her yet
After two months? What are you doing my nigga? You need to start giving her the cold shoulder pronto. I'm dead serious. You need to miss some calls and give her "I'm too busy for you" one-liner texts

>her saying she just doesn't want sex to be the foundation of our relationship.
This is obviously bullshit. It's not to say that ALL women are WHORES and pull their pants down right away if they're attracted to you, but 2 months is a long ass time and let's be honest, Brad Pitt has never heard this excuse from a woman.

>I feel sick to my stomach.
>I've got no one else
Women can smell desperation and you reek of it. Don't take that personally -- a LOT of guys have this problem. You don't have to be one of them if you listen to me on all of this shit. Despite the fact that we're on some cute girl's simp board, believe it or not, I actually know what I'm talking about. Stop caring, and start having fun WITH or WITHOUT her. You're going to have a good time and feel good and shit regardless of what she's doing. She's an accessory to you. 

>I've been putting up with her bullshit just hoping to get a crumb of pussy.
Yeah, she knows. She's going to put you through the ringer if you don't stop taking her so seriously. I mean it, stop taking her or any woman so seriously. Make fun of them, tease them, NEVER take them seriously. You have to cultivate the mindset of "take it or leave it" until you ooze the kind of detached confidence that women crave so badly.

If you want to get a girlfriend that will have sex with you, whether it's from her or some other walking hole, you have to STOP caring about getting pussy. It's very zen-like. The moment you exude an aura of not caring -- whether it's true or not, btw -- you'll start to get laid. Fake it until you make it. Do that long enough, and it'll become real. You'll be happier (whether there's a woman around or not) and, ironically, getting what you wanted to begin with.

Anyway I wrote a lot here on not a lot of information. Post more deets about your situation and I promise to lurk and help out.
>>19880
If this is how rocky the start of your relationship is, imagine how year 5 will be. This anon >>19889 offers solid advice. Stop letting her be the center of your world. She's not the only chick on the planet, but she's the one paying you the most attention so you allow her to treat you like garbage. Lessen your attachment to her and she'll be more drawn to you. Women don't like an obedient submissive dog who follows them around helplessly. She knows that's what you are and it's a turnoff. That's why the chad who pumps and dumps her has her on her knees begging for more. Chad doesn't give a shit about a whore. You do. You should only have these feelings after being in a long term relationship, not for some floozy who barely pays you any attention. You can improve, take this as tough love.
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>>19880
2D > 3D
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>>19967
I think by Nazi standards, anime would be considered degenerate art.
GETTING CLOSE TO 20000! CAREFUL WHAT YOU'RE POSTING. DON'T MESS THIS UP
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>>19969
Oh I'm ready for the 20,000 get. I'm real ready.
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>>19967
Agree. I've been forcing myself to write my dreams down each time I wake up in hopes of getting better at lucid dreaming so I can meet my 2D husbando. Instead I'm just having shitty dreams where I'm in gym class, embarrassed that people can see my leg hair. And apparently I dream about Chuck E Cheese and the Rockafire Explosion every night.

Also I might record a video tonight, just ranting about a certain something. Do you guys want me to talk about anything specific while I'm at it?
>>19972
Yeah, will you talk about things that you like and don't like on the board? Also talk about the lucid dreams and what's it about. There's nothing embarrassing about leg hair. My wife has hairy legs and I never complain because I don't mind it so you and a normal partner shouldn't be concerned either. Will you also talk about your valentine posts and posts you liked most and least on that thread? That should be fun.
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>>19972
Talk about music
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>>19969
>>19970
god damn where did the last 50 posts go?!

>>19972
You could talk about how Im going to get the GET?
or more seriously, about your archiving and what thats been like going over your old stuff
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>>19972
>Do you guys want me to talk about anything specific while I'm at it?
The eternal debate.
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>>19970
Are you really ready tho???
>>19974
>>19975
>>19976
>>19978
I wrote these down, I'm charging my ancient iPod (which I record on) before I can film so there's still time if you think of anything else. The boxer vs briefs question is funny for reasons you'll see. You'll all see.

By the way, I'm going to get the get.
>>19983
Will you really?
Replies: >>19985
>>19978
>boxers
>briefs

why not boxer briefs?
they combine the best of both worlds. Loose enough like boxers so your junk doesnt squish, but not to loose that they ride up ya bum crack. All while offering the firm security of briefs to keep ya boys safe and snug!

>>19983
>>19984
Spoiler: neither of you will
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>>19983
I also dreamed that I had found a sextape of you having sex with a well-hung black dude and I was auctioning it off to the board anons, selling it to the highest bidder. Also every night that I go to sleep I have dreams of people reacting to my posts on the board. I once had a nightmare where you had modified the settings that made IPs visible. That was horrifying.
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>>19986
member when she accidentally enabled country flags and some poor Canadian got exposed for being a canadian?
lol lmao imagine being exposed as a canadian. Now thats horrifying
>>19985
Briefs feel more comfortable and they prevent my balls from sticking to my legs.
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>>19972
Where's the video, Ashley? I want my video.
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Honest thoughts on rape?

If you really think about it, without rape, you'd probably not be here. How many hundreds of your grandmothers throughout human history have been held down by a big, muscular, sweaty, hairy man and cummed inside? I mean *I'm* glad I'm here, living what is, all things considered, a pretty good life. So in a way, everytime you appreciate a beautiful sunrise, or pet a puppy, or feel a sense of gratitude to experience the wonder that is our shared human experience, you're really saying "I'm glad my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother was choked and mercilessly fucked in her pussy by that strong alpha male until he orgasmed out a hot load onto her cervix and impregnated her." That's pretty much exactly what you're saying.

Really makes you think.
>>20108

Im more of an incest kinda guy

Anyone can rape, even 4'11" midgets can with the right tools and equipment (trust me :( ). But incest? You have to really work for that. Gaslight, manipulate, break social norms,etc etc. a process that might take weeks, months or maybe even years, but the pay off?. well let me tell you brotha, the pay off is absolutely DIMES that you can cum back to time and time again. Incest really is the gift for your fun bits that keeps on giving. And then theres the aftermath. Shame? guilt? regrat? sure maybe, but who are you going to blab to? Unlike rape, you cant go blabbing to the cops because it was consensual. Just two family members loving one another... in their holes... consensually. 
aww yeah! yes sir! incest is wincest for a reason.
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>>20109
Statistically, how many of your grandmothers were incest-raped? Has to be at least one, right?
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>>20110
tbh, i prefer not too think about that.
Ive already wanked like three times today
>>20110
You could always unearth them and increase the count, if need be
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>>20108
You should also look at it from a male point of view and appreciate the chad ancestor you had that forced himself on the women. People didn’t even know what foreplay was for centuries.
Picrel: without a doubt Ashley has Mongolian blood.
Yesterday I was feeling kinda under the weather but today I’m seriously sick I cough and there’s mucus in my throat and my leg hurts anyone else feeling sick lately?
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>>20126
Let's just cut to the chase. You don't have covid, it's not real, stop being a pussy and take a few grams of vitamin C. You'll be fine. Unless you're vaxxed, then it's time to pay the piper, that feeling in your leg is probably a blood clot
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>>20108
Can't say that I'm a fan UNLESS it's a Woman who's raping a Man. It's pretty empowering and chances are the guy loves it unless he's gay or something.
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>>20127
Thanks doc.
When I was in 1st grade I stole a bag of potato chips. I was hungry and it was recess and everyone else had already left the class. I realized one of the kids has left a bag of chips in his desk so I picked it up opened it and just sat in class all by myself and ate the whole thing. By the time the bell rang I was done and the kid never even realized he had the chips.
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>>20149
I'm glad you ate the chips. What a little shit. I grew up under circumstances here I was 100% aware of every crumb or morsel of food available to me. The idea of having a bag of chips, forgetting it out in the open, and then not even noticing that it's gone is insane to me, even as a 6 year old.
>>19889
UPDATE: She was lying about the timeline of things. You were right, she was monkey branching from that guy to me. It went from "there's no one else", to oh yeah I was fucking a guy from work, but she says that officially ended this week. I told her I need to see her Snap convo with this guy and I shit you not she went into full panic mode for a legit hour of copes/excuses just to avoid it. She kept trying to hide her smart watch under a blanket and delete shit from it too. I think she got to delete part of a conversation, but nontheless she gave it up. Turns out she was telling him she loved him earlier that week and hanging out. Things did end between them though, I read that it did end so there's that. 

I told her my trust is broken and now she's throwing everything at me literally begging for me to give her one more chance and that she loves me and that she's sorry she'll do whatever it takes etc etc. The fucked up part is that there's a part of me that just wants to give her one more chance so I don't feel alone. It really is nice to just have someone to hold, but the truth is I don't even like her personality that much. She's 6 years younger than me and emotionally immature. She never shows much interest in me as a person. She was just someone to try to fuck and I got emotionally attatched a bit because it's been well 7 years since my last relationship/since I've been laid so yes I am desperate enough to give her one last shot. What do? Do I just cut her off? I feel like I'd be better without her anyways, but I am seriously so god damned lonely. Should I fuck her and chuck'er? It's not in my nature to do that kinda thing though. Do I look for another?  WHAT DO I DO ANONS?
>>20157
>enters into a relationship with you when she was already fucking a dude
>2 months in and she still wouldnt have sex with you
>lies to you
>tries to delete her PMs
>tells the other dude she loves him
>you dont even like her personality that much
>she doesnt show much interest in you as a person

and this is the first 2 months?
my guy, you need bounce!
Youre only putting up with this shit because youre lonely. it doesnt sound like either of you two have much in the way of a relationship given how she has treated you and how you arent all that interested in her and instead just want her so your not alone.
I dont have much relationship XP to draw from but a relationship built on the above sounds like a bad idea 



You shouldnt allow yourself to be treated like that because youre lonely.
You deserve better.
I dont know the details of why you hadnt had a relationship in the prior 7 years, but I think if you put effort into it and put yourself out there, you will find someone who will appreciate and respect you more than her.
It wont be easy and might take a few tries but in the long run you will get there and be better of for it
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>>20157
>The fucked up part is that there's a part of me that just wants to give her one more chance so I don't feel alone.
Do not do that you fucking retard. You need to have some self respect. You're willing to enter a life of depression, betrayal, and dishonesty, all just so you can maybe, MAYBE have some pussy that's being used by other men.

My dad was just like this. From my perspective I lost all respect for that "man". He would do anything, put himself and his children through the worst of abuse in exchange for a drop of pussy. I've lived through it and not by choice. It's a miserable life. He knew she was cheating on him, multiple times, even caught her kissing another guy once. Do you know why this type of woman was bold enough to do that? Because she knew she could.

When you accept her back, you're saying, "it's ok you cheated on me." That's all she will hear from you. It doesn't matter how much you verbally scold her, your actions speak louder than words. By accepting her back, she knows you're a weak man who will not set his foot down. She knows she can get away with it. Women like this do not change, and especially not for some weak beta bitch boy.

That's all you are to her by the way. She's using you as a resource. You're her meal ticket. You're her rent voucher. Or at least, that's what her long term goal is. She doesn't want to settle down - she wants all of the benefits of a long term relationship without actually being committed. She wants to fuck around, and she will. Whether you know it or not. She'll get better at hiding it, she's been caught and now she'll install a secret app on her phone to keep chatting with her boyfriends that aren't you. There'll be another new and exciting guy to come along at work, she'll want to fuck him, meanwhile you're sexless and footing all her bills because you're a resource, not a partner.

You don't like her, she sure as hell doesn't like or respect you. You will be in a living hell if this is actually the life you want to live. From a person who's lived a life around women just like this, don't do this to yourself. You at least have the option to live a life away from abuse. This is only month two. Imagine year 3, 4, 5. It's going to get worse. Don't do this, you need some respect for yourself.

There's plenty of pussy out there. It sounds like she came to you and that's why you're together. Have you made any effort to try dating? Or are you waiting for them to approach you? If you're willing to go through this insane bullshit, it's time to start making the effort and get yourself out there. Download a dating app, some classy shit like Bumble. Arrange dates with multiple women. Don't start with the mindset that you're going to find "the one". Get comfortable for a few months just dating, just hanging around women. Your problem is you're willing to settle for the first pussy that gives you attention. Don't. Get used to having female friends, get used to feminine energy, have sex with a few so you can stop letting sex be your main motivating factor behind a long term relationship. Clear the pipes so you can clear your head. The more you're familiar and comfortable around females, the better you can navigate women. Women sense desperation and they can sense awkwardness. You need to work on being comfortable around females so they are more comfortable around you. It will be hard and awkward. Push through it, fake it until you make it. It's basically exposure therapy, but eventually you will start to feel more comfortable and more confident in your interactions. Then magically pussy will be less of an impossible award you're desperate to achieve. Let it be fun. Right now your pussy quest is stressful and abusive.
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>>20157
Whatever you do, don't take her to a secluded area and stab her in the neck.
I fall in love with every cute girl that greets me at the McDonald's drive-thru and imagine our lives together while paying for my meal and eating it during my drive home as tears run down my cheeks.
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>>20175
If you’re looking for a relationship then you should consider trying your luck. Every time you visit say something sweet or witty to them and after visiting a couple of times if they show interest ask for their number.
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>>20176
What is he supposed to say? I'd love squirting mayonnaise onto more than just these buns, let me get your number?
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I found Ashley’s hottest moment when she mumbled random Spanish phrases. I find women who speak French, Spanish and Italian hot. On the other hand I find German for women a turnoff.
>>20177
You say something sweet
Like:
“Hey is that a mirror in your pocket cause I can clearly see myself in your pants.”
Or “Wanna come back to my place and play house? You be the door and I’ll slam you.”
Or “Hey if I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put U and I together.”
Or “Hey, did the fall hurt? Cause I’d never seen an angel fall from heaven before.”
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>>20179
Bro I hope this is a joke because pick up lines only disgust women. Especially at a McDonalds drive thru.
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>>20180
Only stuck up bitches with no sense of humor don’t like it. So it’s a shit test for women as well. Might as well receive their initial rejection than to end up dating a frigid stuck up bitch.
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>>20183
Im pretty sure you have no sense of humor if you like pick up lines.
>>20183
You're the guy who thinks the waitress at Hooters is into him
>>20177
You say something sweet
Like:
"Hey is that junk in your trunk or did you just take a dump."
Or even “Is there a space station near by? Cause I can’t wait to land a rocket in Uranus.”
Or for occasions like Halloween :
“Are you a mausoleum? Cause I wanna bury a stiff in ya.”
Or:
“If I told you that you have a beautiful body will you hold it against me?”
Or:
“I have a chicken farm, wanna come back to my place and see my huge cock?”
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>>20157
I really appreciate you coming back to give us an update. I wrote >>19889 so thank you for not wasting my time. This is going to be another long ass post, but I think you'll get value out of it, so hang in there.

First, I'd like to start by saying that I'm proud of you. Yeah, sounds stupid on some image board, but I really am. Your instincts told you this bitch was being shady, you took what some of the people here said to heart, and you presumably confronted her. Good for you.

It turns out your instincts were right. You didn't need us to tell you here that something was up with this chick -- you knew. This should teach you that listening to your intuition is important. Don't let every one of your insecurities or fears drag you down, but when you have a feeling something isn't right, allow yourself to rationally explore that feeling without guilt.

>She was lying about the timeline of things. You were right, she was monkey branching from that guy to me.
I can't say that I'm surprised. Here's the unironically good news though: you've learned an incredibly valuable lesson. You got to see for yourself, in real time, exactly how "monkey branching" works. This is very common female behavior. That's not to say that ALL women ALWAYS do this, but it's predictable enough for me to have been right. Understanding this potential behavior never clicks for a LOT of guys, but you're never going to forget this. >>20162 was talking about relationship XP, I'd say having this experience was like a "level up" for you.

>Things did end between them though, I read that it did end so there's that.
Here's the thing though, she's been lying to you for the entire relationship. Just because she says it's done, even if she texted him something to that effect, doesn't mean she's worthy of your trust. She still works with this guy, right? That's 8 hours a day (or whatever it is) she's spending with him, not you. You're not even fucking this bitch and you can't let go -- this guy is actually getting his dick wet, so don't think for a second he won't try to worm his way back in. She's loving all of this attention, by the way. "Oh my gosh, they're fighting over me! I'm SO desirable!" Don't play into that game, you're better than that.

>I told her my trust is broken and now she's throwing everything at me literally begging for me to give her one more chance and that she loves me and that she's sorry she'll do whatever it takes etc etc.
Isn't that interesting? You showed some backbone, put your foot down, acted like a man with standards, and now she's "literally begging" you to allow her to stay in your life. I don't necessarily think that you should, but this is also a massively positive experience for you to be having.

It's possible he has no clue, but I would be willing to bet that the other guy from her work knows about you and didn't put his foot down. She was literally waiting for someone to correct her bad behavior, because whoever had the balls to put her in her place was the more valuable man. That's why she's oozing all over you now.

>The fucked up part is that there's a part of me that just wants to give her one more chance so I don't feel alone. It really is nice to just have someone to hold
I understand. You already know that's a bad idea though, as >>20162 and >>20163 so astutely pointed out. I would actually offer another reason you need to stick to your guns (remember, IT'S OK TO HAVE STANDARDS AS A MAN). I'm not sure how big the social circle is with you and this girl, but if there are other females around, they're observing what's going on like its a soap opera. If you capitulate, and forgive this lying whore, you're effectively signaling to all other women in earshot that you're a little bitch, and that you're OK with being walked all over. What do you think that does to your "sexual marketplace value"?

Imagine that it's someday in the future. You have a son, and he comes to you for girl advice. He's in the same situation you're in. What advice would you give him? As his father, the man of the house, what would you want to tell him that you did when you were younger and in a similar situation? What would you tell your son to help him become a strong, high-value male?

You already know the answer, of course. Those of us without strong dads (I love my dad but he's by all measures a pretty beta dude when it comes to women) need to do these kinds of thought exercises.

And trust me, man, I'm so sympathetic to the idea of just wanting a woman around. They're soft, and smell good, and you just want to love them and have sex with them and just feel that feminine energy so badly that you'd almost (ALMOST) put up with anything to get it. The great irony though is that being kind and forgiving isn't going to get you there, and whatever girls you do get aren't going to respect you for being their doormat.

Have you ever tried to decide where to eat dinner with a woman before? "I don't know, what do you want?"
"Whatever you feel like baby, what do you want?"
"I don't know, it's up to you."
"Well I just want to make you happy, sweetheart, we can go wherever you want!"
Disgusting, right? But we've pretty much all been there. In this situation, because you just love her and want to be around her, and you frankly really don't care where you eat, you're trying to be nice and let her have whatever she wants. A woman does NOT see it this way. She wants you to be the leader, plain and simple. She's practically begging you to step up to the (dinner) plate and make a decision FOR her. You're eating dinner at a place because YOU want to be there, YOU want that food. She's following you, and she likes it that way. If you love/like a girl and you genuinely want to give her what she really wants, you have to be the man and take charge.

>I don't even like her personality that much.
A lot of women are pretty insufferable, yeah. You don't have to like a girl's personality to fuck her, but if you're looking for a real relationship, a girlfriend or maybe even a wife down the road, you're going to want to find someone you're actually compatible with, personality-wise, obviously.

>She's 6 years younger than me and emotionally immature.
Nothing at all wrong with younger women, despite what all the old hags will tell you. Oftentimes you'll have a much more pleasant time with a younger girl -- she can still see you as a man and a lover, not a provider and a paycheck. The emotional maturity thing does of course play a part, but frankly the behavior you've described doesn't sound any less mature than the behavior of some 35 year old roastie. They're perpetually children, so if you're looking for an "emotionally mature" woman, you're not likely to find one, ever. Emotional maturity is something you can build with her and instill in her over the course of a relationship where you teach her to be a good woman (they don't come out that way most of the time, sadly).

>She never shows much interest in me as a person.
Yeah, it's pretty clear that this chick wants to be the star of her own teen drama reality television show, and you're just one of the supporting roles. Why would she have interest in you as a person? You're a prop. Next time, YOU'RE the star of the show and the women are the supporting roles.

>She was just someone to try to fuck and I got emotionally attatched a bit because it's been well 7 years since my last relationship/since I've been laid
That's a long time. You're suffering from a feeling of scarcity. "Oh god," you're thinking. "What if I have to wait that long again? I'm so close to getting some pussy now, and it would feel so good, shouldn't I just hang in there and take whatever she throws at me so that I can get it?"

Remember the thought exercise where you're a father giving advice to your son? What would you want for him?

Let me tell you something: it's not worth it. 10 minutes of awkward condom sex is NOT worth throwing your self worth away for. Over the past 7 years you've probably gotten pretty good at masturbating, and that's actually fine. You don't need her to have an eye-rolling orgasm and you know it. You're being driven by your instinct to breed, not an actual sense of lonliness or need for her specifically.

Plus, and this is maybe the most important thing you can take away from this conversation, is that when you say NO to this bitch and you tell that LIAR to get out of your life, you're going to walk away from it with your head held high. You'll feel like much, much more of a man who respects himself and has STANDARDS than if you give in and beg your to let you dribble a little cum into a rubber balloon inside her.

>What do? Do I just cut her off?
Yes. You don't have to be a cunt about it. Be a class act -- you're the prize here, and she's just another girl -- anger at a woman is just another sign of weakness (if you had 3 other bitches blowing up your phone you wouldn't be upset about this, right?). Just tell her you've given things some thought, and that you're sorry but things aren't going to work out romantically between you. You'll be happy to be friends though.

Friendzoning this girl will feel better than any sex you could ever have with her, trust me.

Continued in next post.
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>I feel like I'd be better without her anyways
You will be, duh

>but I am seriously so god damned lonely.
Like I said before, I doubt that you're lonely for real. You want to have sex and feel the affection from a woman. That's fine, but she literally doesn't deserve it from you. You MUST have standards, you MUST be better than that. If you're lonely, order a pizza, fire up a video game, and voice chat with the boys all night. Call your parents and see if they want to have a family dinner. If you have friends, ask them to come over and chill and watch a movie. You're not lonely, you want a woman that isn't a lying, betraying, loose bitch. Big, big difference.

>Should I fuck her and chuck'er?
No, and here's why: I genuinely believe you need to have the experience of having standards. She lied to you. You walk away from this having said NO to her, and the benefits from that growth will be far, far more positively impactful in your life than just fucking her will be.

And let's be real here. You won't chuck her. You'll get one taste of that pussy, convince yourself it's the last you'll ever have, and get all googly eyed and romantic and shit with her. Then, in a few months or however long it takes when you find out she's been sucking some other guy's dick, you're going to be wrecked.

Take the opportunity now to build strength and resolve.

>It's not in my nature to do that kinda thing though.
Right, you're a human being, you're kind, and you don't want to hurt anyway. Those are all admirable and good qualities. But as I explained earlier, a woman needs a leader, not a nice guy (AKA doormat). Unfortunately in her case, she fucked up and lied to the leader, the man with value, and now she has to pay the price -- she doesn't get to have him in her life.

>Do I look for another?
Definitely. And next time, be honest about what you're looking for. If you want a girlfriend and you expect the girl to be monogamous to you, tell her straight up. Obviously not within the first 5 minutes of meeting like some sperg, but after you've gone on a date or two with her, or hung out or whatever a little bit, let her know. With the experience and wisdom you'll have gained by this point, you'll be able to intuit whether or not she's receptive to that. If she's not, she wasn't going to fulfill what you wanted anyway, so there's no real loss to you.

What are you truly looking for anyway, anon? Maybe that's what we should be talking about, because YOU'RE the star of the show here.

>WHAT DO I DO ANONS?
I think I've written about this on the board before, but maybe you'll actually hear me on this. The cheat code to getting women in your life is to make female friends. Just friends. You're not trying to have sex with them.
This anon >>20163 said was so spot on:
>The more you're familiar and comfortable around females, the better you can navigate women. Women sense desperation and they can sense awkwardness. You need to work on being comfortable around females so they are more comfortable around you.
By making your goal to just get some female friends (I assume you have none), you take the pressure off yourself massively. You're literally NOT trying to fuck them, so you can just treat them like people. They'll be receptive to this, especially if they're attractive, because most men just want to have sex with them (ironically, you may find that they eventually want to be more than friends with you). You use this opportunity to get comfortable being around girls, flirting with them but never actually giving them anything, etc. And you know what girls have? Friends. Friends that are girls. They'll introduce you to other girls, you'll walk into social situations where you look like an absolute fucking chad because all these girls are coming up to you and hugging you and being all friendly -- and the other women around will notice, believe me. It'll be tough not to get laid at that point.

I can delve into this topic way more if you find it interesting but I've written a goddamn book in this post.

Anyway anon, you'd best keep us updated with what's going on. Remember, it's OK to have standards. Looking forward to your next update.
Replies: >>20195
>>19889
>>20193
>>20194
ashley pls
Replies: >>20199
>>20157
Hatefuck her and secretly videotape it and post it here.
Replies: >>20199
>>20195
Nah I'm not her, though I'm also quite prone to lengthy, overly detailed, autistic-tier responses about topics I'm interested in (in this case, pussy). Poor Ashley should take my advice and get that girlfriend she's so desperate for

>>20196
Also a viable option
Replies: >>20216
>>20193
Every woman should have this body type. Perfection.
Replies: >>20216
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>>20199
ashley pls is an old /ashleyj/ meme. It started as a variation of gooby pls which supposedly means nigga please but evolved into sweating towel guy meme on the board as anon would reply to another anon's sexy post suggesting Ashley had posted it. I like it when Ashley talks about these subjects. It's hot thinking about her being in control of another girl but sadly it won't happen because your textbook approach doesn't exactly work unless you have a masculine presence. That is not something you can fake. It's an energy and everyone in the room knows you have it without you having to do anything. It's the difference between being an Elvis impersonator and Elvis. I know you're not Ashley because she's asleep ;)

>>20208
I think you mean this body type but then she wouldn't be so special, just special ed.
Replies: >>20220
>>20216
>textbook approach
Please, zoomerbois don't know any of this shit, that's why they're inside playing fortnite and jacking off while young zoomettes are fucking millennial men like me in droves

>doesn't exactly work unless you have a masculine presence
This is an incel cope tier statement. Not saying that's you btw, I'm just saying this kind of idea that you have to have a "masculine presence" (wtf is that anyway?), or you have to be a certain height, or have a certain kind of jawline, or the right haircut (or hair), etc. is all just excuses men will make to explain away why they can't get laid, nevermind the fact that they don't actually want to learn how women work.

>That is not something you can fake.
It absolutely is. Unless you're born with an abnormally high amount of confidence, getting good at talking to women, making them laugh, or getting sex from them, is 100% something the vast majority of men will have to practice to get good at. You fake it at first. Then, having overcome your fear and "pretended" to be an attractive guy, you start to see little results. Then you get more confident, and try again, and you fake it a little better. Over and over until one day you're not faking it, you actually are that attractive, interesting man that women want to be around and have sex with.

Basically what you're doing here is suggesting that a "masculine presence" is something special, and that you can't develop it, you've either got it or you don't. Rather than trying to uplift your fellow man, you're trying to discourage them and pull them down (with falsehoods, I might add). It's a pretty transparent mating strategy that's rooted in insecurity. "N-no, ladies! Don't look at that guy over there bettering himself! Look at me, I have a masculine presence, uh, like Elvis! Yeah!" I don't mind if my bros succeed because there's plenty of pussy to go around. Try and lose the scarcity mindset and you might have a better time.
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>>20220
I'm not a zoomerbot. I'm a millennial like Ashley. I've ordered most all the shitty ebooks and watched the YouTube videos over the years. Sure I've taken some tips but I don't rely on any of that shit. When I talk to Ashley on the phone, I talk to her like she was.one of my nerd friends in high school. I don't have to rely on any sophistry. Here are two publications I recently read that I highly suggest. Some men are just built different. I get numbers from women all the time. Some even outright give me their address. The attention is nice but I'm after something better, though. Besides being fat Elvis, my secret is to treat every woman like she's your little sister and keep a healthy endocrine system. My only fellow man here is Seabee because he doesn't need to be uplifted. Pretty sure he owns a ladder.
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>>20226
>he thinks ashley is sexually attracted to him because she talks to him on her public phone number
>>20226
I feel kinda jealous, man. Good for you.
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>>20232
Yeah, I know she's prob gonna hurt me in the end but I'll get her back by stealing her gf... when she's finally able to get one. Just think, our pour little sour patch boy will grow up without a daddy and only know how to be sour and never sweet. Another kid in the single mom prison pipeline.
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>>20232
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guys I just ate too much spaghetti. after I went back for seconds and finished them I immediately had to take a very urgent poopy. I read a book on the toilet while I made. I grunted a bit because my tummy hurt. my poops weren't very solid, they were pretty runny but not quite diarrhea. I still wiped with paper towels to be extra sure I was clean. I didn't feel satisfied after I finished because I still have little dumpies floating around inside me and the extra spaghettis I ate are coming to the party too. what should I do??
Replies: >>20276
>>20232
I told my Mom I had a gf immediately after my 10 minute phonecall with Ashely. It was nice seeing her smile for the first time in years but now I have to figure out a way to make our relationship look legitimate. Perhaps the AI poster on here can create an image of me and Ashely together at the beach or standing in front of a water fountain or something that couples typically do in photos.
Replies: >>20276 >>20295
>>20259
Was it too spicy? Do a water enema. It’s what I do. 
>>20264
Noooo! Not my Ashley! Please no!
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>>20264
ayy yo, I gotchu fam
*dabs you up*

now tell me how dis make yo momma feel aight?
Replies: >>20318 >>20319
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New fetish unlocked
Ashley have you tried this?
>>18667
I know it is old news now but we should crucify this nigga
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>>20295
Mama's gonna be so proud, thanks!
>>20295
They look like the hosts of some stupid show on the Travel Channel or HGTV
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>>20319
How did they die?

>gonna drown this bitch
>right after I finish this pulled pork sandwich tho
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>>20320
More like she's going to finish pulling my pork and drown in cum
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Whenever I order a lot of sushi I ask for two chopsticks so the staff thinks I'm sharing it with someone.
>>20322
I meant secret sauce, not cum, but I mean cum. The sauce is boss.
>>20323
You sound like a bitch. I racked plates at the stinky chinks buffet today after I racked plates and ate free pizza at hamplanetfitness. I'm not ashamed to eat, you fat pussy.
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>>20323
>two chopsticks
You mean two sets of chopsticks? You already have two chopsticks you big fat gay retard.
Replies: >>20337
>>20323
Something similar happened to me the other day. Sometimes I order so much food at the drive thru that they make me pull over to a different area so my order doesn't hold up the line.

>>20324
>>20325
Don't get so angry fat ass, your heart rate can only go so high before you have a diabetic heart attack.
Replies: >>20341
>>20337
I don't get hangry. I'm morbidly a beast. I don't lose any sleep over you fat retards projecting. Your bed squeaks because you weigh as much as a refrigerator. My bed squeaks because I'm doing your mom.
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I find older women-young guy relationships very hot. Thats it.
Replies: >>20349 >>21470
>>20344
I like older women, preferably the ones you find at the cemetery.
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>>20349
I cant drive manual/stick
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>>20999
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>>21013
heh ty for posting this Seabee.
After once again failling to get a GET, I really needed that LOL 
TYFYS o7


(also, I never learned how to drive manual because it just seemed annoying having to constantly shift gears. I'd rather just let the car d that so i can concentrate on other things look resisting the urge to run ppl over)
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>>21015
You should learn to drive a manual. Just imagine placing your hand on the warm smooth knob and slowly, ever so slowly and gently gliding the shifter into gear and then slowly out of gear and then ever so gently pushing the shifter into gear again. As you slowly accelerate you can hear the engine softly moan, the moan gets louder as you increase your acceleration and then you slowly push into the next gear and the engine softly moans and the moan becomes louder the more you accelerate. Sometimes if you shift too soon the engine will protest and almost stall demanding that you treat it more gently.
Replies: >>21025
>>20999
heh, i could teach you!1!

i happen to have a stick shaft, ahem, i mean a stick shift simulator inbetween my legs!!1

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>>21016
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>>21025
Giddy-up, Whoa, Back-up, Giddy-up, Whoa, Back-up, Giddy-up, Whoa, Back-up
I love Ashley so much and I think she's the cutest girl I've ever seen, yet I can't fap to her. She's like a sister to me. The only sister I had was a tomboyish half-sister who became a male tranny who was mean to me, so I've sometimes fallen for some women in my life to whom I've had no sexual interest in, yet have developed an attachment to. To me Ashley is like a sister.
I want Ashley to give me AIDS.
>>20344
Derrick and Mom be like
What happened to the guy whose girlfriend was cheating on him and wouldn't have sex with him? I'm guessing after he confronted her she got scared and gave him last resort sex to keep him in the relationship, which is the start of a miserable relationship he's too pathetic to leave because at least with that cheating bitch its sort of guaranteed pussy.
When I take a shit I like how it smells
I drank too much last night and my head has a tummy ache :(
I miss Ashley’s sweet voice. She’s not picking up the phone. I don’t know why. Her not picking up the phone makes me feel bad about myself. Was it something I did or said? Whenever I spoke to her I felt supercharged for 36 hours. I felt so happy and life felt great. It made me feel wonderful talking to this witty funny girl. Like being high on an upper. Does she despise me?
>>21734
she complained about people calling 50 times per day, so blame the spergs. I'm guessing she's just taking a break
Replies: >>21736 >>21737
>>21735
I’ve reduced my calls to about once a week and it goes to her voicemail after a single ringback tone. I hang up right before the beep on the answering machine hoping she’d pick up and also not to waste away her tape. Last message I left was two weeks ago. No dice. So much sexism directed towards us for being male!
Replies: >>21740
>>21735
It's no surprise that would happen, she probably gets enough emails spammed to her on a daily basis so setting up a hotline on top of that must be quite annoying.
>>21734
I would after reading your cringe af post. I swear you people call her more than you call your own Mothers. What do you even talk about?
>>21734
Damn nigger shes not your girlfriend. Thats pathetic and yes she despises you.
>>21736
Jesus, dude. Get the hint. If she's not answering she doesn't want to talk. You probably didn't say anything wrong, or maybe you did. Point is, maybe find someone else to call like your Therapist.
>>21734
That's why I stopped calling her after like 2 calls. It made me feel too happy and I cant afford therapy
Replies: >>21746
>>21742
Therapy is for fags and Ashley isn't your personal therapist, she is probably just busy irl with a job but will not mention it bc spergs will find a way to ruin her life
>>21734
Just pull up her Dollar Tree Haul video on your phone and ask her what she did today before hitting the play button and listen to her ramble for an hour.
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I love going to Grandpa's.
I still call her everyday. I don't care if I annoy her. She never answers. I've even started to leave death threats occasionally and let her know my name is zack18. Fuck you Ashley this is zack18
Replies: >>22032
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>mfw I hear a male voice answer her phone
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>>21987
heh nice try, but she would know that its an imposter because Im pretty sure the real Zack18 never calls her because he is too scared BASED to talk to girls
Replies: >>22034
>>22032
His parents would probably kick him out of house for racking up the phone bill.
>>18666 (OP) 
Fresh OC for you losers.
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>>18666 (OP) 
Whoops, I'm a retard.
I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in one sitting.
Replies: >>22306 >>22322
>>22303
Was it solid or liquid?
Replies: >>22307 >>22315
>>22306
I was on my period
Replies: >>22308
>>22307
I hate poop periods :( The blood and poop won't stop coming out my ass!!!
>>22306
All solids. I pooped several times between 5-8 minute intervals and whenever I finished wiping I had more poop being chambered. After I was done I ate some fiber yogurt and went to watch TV when suddenly I had to poop AGAIN and made another trip to the bathroom to drop more loads.
I took a shit this morning that felt amazing. I could tell it was a big one as it passed out of me, and I knew it was all coming out in one single log. It felt very good on my anus, but not in a sexual way, more of a satisfying, this-is-a-good-one way. After I finished I looked at it, and boy was I proud. It was thick, a rich dark mahogany, and the texture was nearly perfect; not too hard, not too soft. I estimate the length at perhaps 9-10 inches. Only one little part of it had broken off, which is a shame, but it was still plenty long enough to rest on the dry portion of the inner bowl outside of the water by an inch or two, which I like, unless it sticks (I pee on any leftover "clingers" throughout the day until they're gone, so it's not a big deal). This one didn't stick though. It smelled, of course, but it was a "good" smell (I always smell my own waste, and it's not always good). I'm surprised at how pleasant the scent was, since I've been eating a ton of beans and eggs lately.
Replies: >>22321 >>22325
>>22319
ashley pls
Replies: >>22330
>>22303
When I was a teenager I used to use too much toilet paper and it would end up clogging the toilet so my mom would make me take out the excess tp by hand and put it in a bucket and then bring it to the trash outside. This happened maybe 3 times. I guess itbwas a punishment for being wasteful or something or maybe she just liked humiliating me. Im surprised it didn't turn me into a degenerate scat fetishist ir something. This also would usually happen before school so itbwas a pretty shitty way to start my day, literally.
>>22322
I normally tear away 4 sheets of toilet paper, 3 if it's Charmins Ultra Strong because of its thickness. I tried Royale Ultra Soft once and it made me stick all four fingers up my ass it tore that easily (the paper not my asshole).
Replies: >>22324
>>22323
My town had a really old sewer system that  would get backed up atleast once a month and rather than fix it they sent out flyers telling people how often they could flush, how much toilet paper to use and gave a list of toilet paper brands that we wern't allowed to use. Nobody listened and after a year they eventually sort of fixed the sewer system.
Replies: >>22326
>>22319
pics or it didn't happen
>>22324
My town continually had tap water that smelled like feces. This isn't an exaggeration, it always had a strange poopy smell. Multiple times the news reported to not drink or shower because they discovered E. coli in the tap water.
>>22322
ashley pls
Replies: >>22330
>>22322
One time when I was a teenager, I went to a local Chili Festival with a buddy of mine. It was like 105 degrees out and we did nothing but eat chili for like 8 hours while sweating profusely and listening to what might have been a Phish cover band (or just Phish, I'm still not sure). Anyway, we went back to my place to play Tomb Raider II for the PS1 and have a sleepover.

A few hours into the evening, we both started taking massive dumps. My dad was a poorfag so there was only one bathroom in the house, so eventually, being two larger teenage boys filled with at least 2 gallons of chili each, we clogged the toilet. Problem is, we still had to shit. It was so bad that I shit on top of my friends shit, even though the toilet wouldn't flush. There was an absolute mountain of chili shit in the toilet. You couldn't even see the water anymore.

So my dad gets all pissed off and made me put on gloves and scoop my shit and my friend's shit out of the toilet into a plastic grocery bag. I scooped out pounds worth of shit into this bag and poured water down the toilet and eventually it started working again.

Anyway, all this to say, you're not alone, anon. I had a parent that made me hand-pull feces out of the toilet too.
>>22321
>>22328
forced meme is forced
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When I was a little kid I knew nothing of how the toilet works. So after doing my business I thought that the toilet tank was where the crap went when the toilet is flushed. Out of curiosity I somehow managed to lift the heavy cover of the toilet tank to see what happens to the crap. Obviously all I saw was weird plumbing stuff and I put the cover back on. That's all I got.
Replies: >>22347
back when jackass was all the rage my friends and I decided to have a "snowball" fight, except instead of snowballs it was poopballs. The moment I rolled my first ball, I knew it was a mistake, like a really, really bad idea to be doing this. But then one of my friends hit me with their poop, which was easily the most disgusting thing that's ever happened to me in my life. I had to get revenge, so I ended up throwing my poopballs at him too. We stopped after one of us puked
didnt a certain someone admit one time they took a shit in a kitchen sink or am misremembering?

>>22332
the thought of a little kid Seabee unwarily almost doing an "upper decker" makes laugh
Replies: >>22348 >>22351
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>>22347
I never heard of the term "upper decker" so I searched the term. Dude, that's gross, but like the search informed me, it's probably the ultimate prank, heh,heh.
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>>22347
It was the bathroom sink and I was 24
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>>22351
Imagine the smell
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>>22356
Oh, I have.
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>>22356
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>>22351
Sorry, Derrick, I've heard of elf on the shelf but not twink on the sink.
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>>18666 (OP) 
I accidentally found out my Cousin "female" does solo porn i.e. joi, sph  videos. I wasn't sure it was her at first but looked closer and it was indeed her. We aren't particularly close but still weird nonetheless. I will not be pleasuring myself to her videos and will not be giving her name. So don't ask.
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>>22369
>"female"
Are you implying your fake cousin that totally does porn is actually a man? If so then you're cucked and gay for calling him a her.
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>>22369
I also discovered my female cousin does porn because I saw her posted on 4chan. I'll post mine if you post yours.
>>22370
I wish she was fake then I'd never be in this predicament. I was just innocently looking for some joi videos and I found her. Thankfully she's not naked in any of the thumbnails. She also has a linktree page where she has links to her other stuff like OF. I want to tell her parents and see their reaction. I doubt they know.
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>>22372
I'm not falling for your tricks a third time, FAGGOT
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I actually have a cousin that does porn.
>>22372
>I wish she was fake then I'd never be in this predicament.
>Thankfully she's not naked in any of the thumbnails.
>I want to tell her parents and see their reaction.
People like you are the reason we can't have nice things. You're fucking sad.
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You guys know my wife, Paris Hilton, don't you?
I like to watch my dog shit. I need to know he's healthy and not having diarrhea. But sometimes when he has a really fat poop, I feel happy for him because it must've felt really good.
I find innie pussies weird looking
>>22568
Me too. I cant get turned on unless I see some pink labia. Innie shaved pussies are for pedophiles.
>>22568
You strike me as more of an outtie pussy kinda guy
>>22568
Innie pussies are gross but innie bellybuttons are good. Freaks have outie bellybuttons. If you have an outie bellybutton you need to kill yourself as quickly and as painfully as possible.
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>>22573
>tfw you realize outtie belly button people dont know about the secret belly button trick
Why 99% of women who have innies are fat?
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>>22575
They don't actually have innies, but their grows way past their labia making it look like they have an innie. Sorta like how their asshole gets really absorbed by their fat. I guess the labia doesnt really grow the fatter they get.
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Just blew the biggest load and didn't even make it a tribby..
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>>22730
What'd you nut to, anon?
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>>22758
It was a Lilushandjob, sort of blowjob video.
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I ate six hamburgers today
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as a female viewer it really bothers me how women never ever do comedy or create anything fun like Ashley does,  (don't even get me started on the tech stuff) they either only talk about shitty beauty products or gossip. I know, Ashley does talk about both of those things but she doesn't resume her entire channel and online presence to that. Women love to think and act like that comedy and jokes were made for them to always be offended by it, like why do you care so much that comedian X made a joke about minorities? why do you feel like you need to be a warrior to the group they joked about? Just enjoy it and have fun. But i (we) know they won't.
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>>22830
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>>22830
Daddy needs to cum little, show me your bing bops
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>>22832
my bewbs :3
Replies: >>22851
>>22830
post boypenis
Replies: >>22836
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>>22835
Replies: >>22846 >>22854
>>22830
BASED FEMALE VIEWER
Replies: >>22844
>>22830
squirt tribute when?
Replies: >>22840
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>>22838
She probably already squirt tribute her toilet this morning
>>22837
women do not exist
Replies: >>22845
>>22844
They do, which is why you exist!
Replies: >>22847
>>22836
why do women do this?
Replies: >>22848 >>22849
>>22845
Imbecel women are a psyop you have been fooled
Replies: >>22865
>>22846
what woman?
>>22846
He's trying to get bred in the butt
Replies: >>22850
>>22849
*Xhe's
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>>22834
https://youtu.be/yZgu-2WXvQM
the female anus is extremely close to the vagina
>>22836
https://suno.com/song/66048f1a-0645-40a8-8ba7-d08e8a01d09d/
Replies: >>22855
>>22854
>you have to make an account
Please generate a 90s alternative rock about gay sex, ass fucking, sucking cock, and eating cum
I've spent the past six weeks microdosing my own farts and the results have been dramatic. I've never felt more alive. Every morning, I sit on my couch and put my head as far between my legs as possible, then I release a very small fart and huff it in, roll it around in my mouth for about 10 seconds, and slowly exhale it. Then I go about my day like I normally would. Since farts contain small amounts of bacteria, nitrogen, and hydrogen sulfide, through continued (but small and controlled) exposure, I become more resistant to these potential threats to my immune system.
>>22857
This. So much this.
>>22857
Thanks for sharing Ashley
Replies: >>22860
>>22859
Not Ashley, but I think she'd be open minded enough to try some of my methodologies. I also drink 1-2 shot glasses of my own urine every morning. AMA.
>>22857
Have you ever had farts thwt didn't smell? I recently farted in my bed and went under the covers to join the party and smelt absolutely nothing.
Replies: >>22866 >>22867
>>22857
Please Ashley, I thought you respected privacy. What gave my activities away?
>>22847
Simp you know woman do exist.
Replies: >>22868
>>22863
There was someone else inside your bed that huffed all the farts before you could
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>>22863
Bad breath cancels out fart smells.
Are you a smart fella or a fart smella?
>>22865
women were made from men hence woMAN you fool. They have been genetically modified from the begining
Replies: >>22869
>>22868
Our DNA is genetically modified from the reptilians. Before we were all agender, then reptilian DNA (called junk DNA) was implanted into us, both genders were created at the same time along with giving us other hybrid qualities.
Replies: >>22870
>>22869
Exactly most poeplle dont realize this. A lot the activity that rapetillians do are mistake of gray aliens. Women do exist but in the form modification. When I tell women this they just laugh and say they have boyfriend.
Replies: >>22871
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>>22870
>rapetillians
this is great
Replies: >>22872 >>22873
>>22871
My culture is not your costume. Please delete
Replies: >>22874
>>22871
brave
>>22872
your cunny is my costume for my dick. i wear your pussy, reppie.
Replies: >>22875
>>22874
enjoy your essssss td my. You'll make a great host for my eggs
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>tfw human
this image almost perfectly represents my experience in the physical realm
Replies: >>22877
>>22876
your pizzzzza roles are done sweety pleassssse get of your computer
Replies: >>22880
"tomato" sauce = reptillian cum
>>22877
jesus christ we talked about this, just bring them to me at the computer
Replies: >>22881
>>22880
I have my mom set them at the door so I dont even have to look at her stupid fucking face
Replies: >>22884 >>22935
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>>22881
Based neet elder abuser, I kneel.
Replies: >>22893
>>22884
Get off of George Floyds neck right now mister
I'm gay. That's right. I love cock.
I love computers!
Replies: >>22950
>>22881
I'm the same way with your mom. I make her wear a bag over her head and look the other way
>>22921
I love cumputers that give me a virus :3
I confess that i do not understand why people idolize and act like Elon Musk is the king and god of freedom of speech and is "based" just because he owns twitter now, and ruined it (even more) i don't even need to talk about the teslas and the cyber truck, they are cars for retarded sheeps. Why do people idolize this rich autistic redditor so much? What causes someone to do that? Actually, why do people idolize celebrities and rich people? They aren't even that cool they just exist and do things like everyone else they just have more money. These people are retarded and gay.
Replies: >>23029
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>>23025
James Corbett (Ashley's Japanese teacher) did an excellent report on Musk a couple years ago. It should be required watching for anyone who worships this retarded welfare queen.

https://corbettreport.com/musk/

I've tried telling normies that Musk is a piece of shit grifter, but if they're right-leaning they just stare at you with glassy eyes and mutter, "b-based flamethrowers" or "muh twitter" etc. If they're left-leaning, they might agree with you, but for all the wrong reasons. It's a losing game trying to talk to these "people." They're actual NPCs.
I had a wet dream about Ashley. I honestly forgot it all but I remember forcing it in her dry pussy. Felt good man. I then asked her to marry me and she said no. Then I realized she was for the streets.
Replies: >>23136
>>23119
I want to clarify it was consensual in the dream. I think it only felt dry because I was probably fucking my pillow like a body pillow
My old high school buddy's mom pulled me aside and hinted that she wants me to fuck her. I can't tell my buddy so I'm saying it here. When she told me I immediately got hard as a rock. She's pretty hot for her age, but it's be so wrong which makes it even hotter. I didn't know what to say or do so i just played dumb and laughed it off.
Replies: >>23456 >>23457
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>>23455
You should do it. You'll always regret not having the cougar MILF experience that you so desperately crave. The older the berry, the sweeter the juice.

What does she look like? Can you post pics, either of her, or just online pics that look like her?

Also, you motherfucker, you had better not be bullshitting. I swear to god I start getting proper chubbed up every time one of you shitheads makes a post like this, and every time my nut gets stolen from me. Don't play with my nut, anon.
Replies: >>23459
>>23455
This is probably another bullshit story but in hopes that it isn't, you definitely should go for it. It's not like it's his girlfriend or ex. You'll never have this opportunity happen again. Go for it. The nut you'll feel will be amazing. She obviously knows how to extract a good nut, she has a kid. She'll go wild on you if she's the one making moves. Can you let us know more? I need more material to stroke to this.
Replies: >>23459
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>>23456
>>23457
It's for real. She has stage 4 cancer and will be dying soon which is part of why she pulled me aside to mention it. As hot as cougars and gilfs are i don't know about it. It'd just feel wrong to pork my ol' friend's mom but she literally is asking for it. It would be funny to make a mom fucking joke to him on the phone as I slam my average sized cock in his tiny mum. She's 4 ft somethin.
>>23459
>She has stage 4 cancer
Gross, does this weirdo have hair?
Replies: >>23461
>>23460
She's done with kemo and has all her hair back
Replies: >>23462
>>23461
How old are we talking, does she happen to have grey/silver hair?
Replies: >>23464
>>23459
Hmmm I don't know. We've been strung along for too many fake stories. I don't believe this one as much as I want to. We're going to need some form of actual proof that this is going down.
Replies: >>23464
>>23462
60's
>>23463
I just wanted to confess. I don't care about stringing you guys along for goon purposes. I don't think I'm going to go through with it anyways. It just doesn't feel right.
Replies: >>23465 >>23467
>>23464
>woman begging for your cock
>dying
>wont fulfill her last dying wish
Asshole
>>23464
Dude wtf, seriously imagine that you were dying and all you wanted was one last good nut with a hot young babe. You ask her if she'd be kind enough to extract what might be your last nut, and she denies you. You'd go to your grave feeling unloved and unattractive. Shit's sad bro. Just fuck his mom. It's like 15-20 minutes for you but might change her life (what's left of it, anyway). Don't be a pussy about this, do the right thing.
Replies: >>23480
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I've always been a Dodge boy and have a Dodge Challenger but I must confess I could figuratively have sex with this picrel !970 Ford Torino Cobra. Just look at those long slender legs, uh I mean roof line.
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>>23472
I've always been a homosexual pedophile, and I have a few boys in my basement, but I must confess I could literally have sex with the little girl in the playground behind that car. Just look at those short stubby legs that couldn't outrun me, uh I mean how much fun she's having not being kidnapped.
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>>23472
park a van there instead of the dodge and that's literally me
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>>23472
Everyday, while walking home, I always hear that Loud, Proud Growl of a Car. At first I stop, then I tense up. I am aroused, I moan while imitating the car noise while tiny ultra orgasms ring throughout my body. As I stand still, I eye a parked car. Rushing toward the Car I unzip my pants and insert it into the car. That, is when I am at peace, and semen explodes from my cock into the exhaust. A river of semen comers out of every inch of the car. The windows, the exhaust the engine. I lay down, and sleep until I am woken up by another car.
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>>18666 (OP) 
About 20 years ago i met a dom sadist online in my area since thats my biggest fetish after chatting a week or so i drove to his home to my shock this old man had full dungeon in basement and i had agreed during our chat no limits he wud be total boss!! After being strapped down to a whipping bench he imediatly began giving me whipping at a level iv never had!! And told me he was only warming up lol!! As he give me break he sat straddle my face and grinded his dirty ass all over my face this was a 1st for me he asked if i liked it and i said hell yes!! I barely got yes out and he began shitn and ordered me to open my mouth as he grinded it in my mouth omg i had never been so turned on or felt so nasty turns out he was testing my loyalty
Replies: >>23481
>>23467
That is very much like me and ashley
>>23478
Nice story, Seabee!
Replies: >>23484
>>23459
FAKE and GAY. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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>>23481
No, not me. Sounds like it could be Bob Lazar though.
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>>23472
bros, imagine banging that cussy... all lubed up with some nice Pennzoil Ultra Platinum Full Synthetic lubricant. Bet her muffler be real tight too.

Sitting here in my Dale Earnhardt boxer shorts, just thinking about it makes me leak my engine oil all over the insides of em

soaking.

wet.
Automotive restoration and car collecting in general is such an expensive boomer hobby. My buddy's grandpa spent a fuck ton of money restoring his 1930s Cadillac only to have it sit in his garage all year and once in awhile takes it to a car show where him and bunch of other boomers sit around an empty parking lot in their lawn chairs and admire eachother's vehicles.
Replies: >>23502 >>23504
>>23500
>bunch of other boomers sit around an empty parking lot in their lawn chairs and admire eachother's vehicles.
I went to some of those except all the boomers were naked and they were admiring eachother's penises.
Replies: >>23517
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>>23500
I'll never understand this behavior. After reading your post I started thinking about it, and I don't really own anything that isn't functional or intended to be used in some way. The idea of dumping thousands of dollars into a car that I'd never drive is absolutely insane to me.
Replies: >>23509 >>23524
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>>23504
>I'll never understand this behavior

It's simple. Some people have more time and more money on their hands than they know what to do with so they indulge in something that strikes their fancy because they can.
Replies: >>23513
>>23509
>Some people have more time and more money on their hands than they know what to do with
Apparently saving it and/or investing it responsibly doesn't occur to them as a viable use case for their accumulated wealth. Heaven forbid they leave anything to their children and contribute to the generational wealth of their progeny.
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>>23502
You went to a nudist resort?

https://youtu.be/CrYX9j3Tqzw?si=I2c8bztedzRUreNb
Replies: >>23523
>>23517
It was a gay pride parade. Me and Taz went.
>>23504
>The idea of dumping thousands of dollars into a car that I'd never drive is absolutely insane to me.
It would be insane so there's obviously more going on. Everything we do that seems stupid or deragatory we do to meet some needs. People have a need for...

-comfort or certainty
-variety
-feeling special/signifigant
-feeling connection and love 
-a need to grow and contribute beyond ourselves
Replies: >>23525
>>23524
Not that anon but I understand psychologically there's an urge to needlessly spend tens of thousands of dollars on a car you barely drive, but it doesn't mean it's logical. The boomers are the most greedy faggots who will buy new tires, a paint job, and windows, before helping their kid financially. In that regard the boomers are retarded. Sure I spend on stupid things, but we're talking $15 or $30 bucks once in a while. Not tens of thousands on something you barely use.
Replies: >>23538
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Imagine spending $32,000 on a car purely to fuel your ego. They need to show off to other people and need to feel better than others. They all have this innate sense to be better than everyone else. Having a spotless neon yellow 1942 car is one sure way to get that attention.
Replies: >>23534
>>23527
the truly disturbing thing is that $32K is probably a very low estimate. no joke, these people buy $70K "luxury" pickup tricks, so imagine what they'll spend on their classic car restoration project
>>23525
>The boomers are the most greedy faggots who will buy new tires, a paint job, and windows, before helping their kid financially.
Imagine having some kid that wants me to give this nigger government stimmy packs. No thanks I'd rather restore my boomermobile and sip.
Replies: >>23546
>>23538
He said your own child, not the government. Boomers are greedy, abusive retards directly responsible for a significant portion of the decay of the family unit. In the mid 2000s my dad made me pay rent when I was 19 and it made it a lot harder to get on my feet, which was exactly the intended purpose. He refused to cosign for my first apartment (I had a pretty good paying job for a teenager and could have easily afforded it) but then acted like I was a piece of shit for still living at home. These cunts hamstring you at every opportunity and then act like you're a loser when you're struggling. Worst generation of "people" to have ever lived
I don't know what's worse, their greed or your entitlement. It's all the same. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You and your parents both seem like whiney little bitches to me. Every generation finds a reason to complain about the next generation and the next generation finds a reason the rebel against the previous generation. Grandparents will always give preferential treatment to their grandchildren over their own children. You can't choose who'll be your parents but you can choose who you'll be. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Y'all niggas need Aaron Tippin.
https://youtu.be/Z_s-Qk07KxA?si=QyiHvrHFVe0_fmhq
Replies: >>23556 >>23560
>>23555
>You can't choose who'll be your parents but you can choose who you'll be
You can't choose shit lmfao
Replies: >>23558
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>>23556
That's because you're a useless fuck who would have been left to die in the wilderness or been killed off by the other villagers in the past. Modern convenience and the charity of those more capable than yourself have allowed you to survive up to this point. It's a simple act of mercy that men more dangerous than yourself don't take everything you have for themselves and put you to death. The thing with narcissism is thinking you're better than everyone else prevents you from becoming a better person. Maybe you can't choose shit because you are shit. I wouldn't be laughing if I were the joke.

pic related is a lot like rose and ashley
Replies: >>23560
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>>23555
>>23558
Zogmaxxing and kike pilled. Can't tell if you're a reptilian or just a fucking retard. I guarantee you're circumcised though.

It's not entitlement to expect your family to stick together and help each other out. If you receive help from your family, it's not charity, it's BEING A FAMILY. You're not getting something for nothing; in a healthy family, everyone helps each other (ergo you have helped the people who are helping you). This hasn't been a weird concept for people to grasp up until very recently and is almost exclusively a ((( western ))) phenomenon. 

It's normal to express disappointment when you realize your parents are greedy little goblins that would rather spend their money on worthless shiny toys rather than the continued success of their own legacy (money which was not only made during the easiest economy this country has ever known but also in substantial part inherited from THEIR parents). Thinking that it's normal to hate your children and kick them out at 18 is a completely twisted line of thought. I would never do that to my child.

It's actually great that you avatarfag with the pig flag. That's exactly what you are: a pig. It also helps me know which posts are going to be stupid before I read them.
Replies: >>23571 >>23574
>>23560
Boo fucking hoo. Baby boy needs mommy to kiss his boo-boos and needs daddy to lift him up on his shoulders to show him what to do. Some of us are just built different. There are no healthy families. Never were. Every family has problems and skeletons in the closet. Your hip meme words you learned from the internet don't make you a revolutionary. You're no different from any other radicalized youth who doubles down on their beliefs until they get punched in the face. You can tell because your words are full of malice and resentment and you even go so far as to dehumanize me for a differing opinion by stating I'm a pig. Everyone knows the world around us is fucked. Nature is fucked. But you're fucked on the inside reaching for some reason to claim, it's not me, it's everyone else who has the problem, society is to blame. I wouldn't know about being kicked out at 18. I left home at 16 and made my own way ever since because I wanted to. That's fine. Now you can quit responding to my posts negatively and go mind your own fucking business since you have nothing positive to say to me. My posts are stupid because I'm here to have fun. Maybe you would prefer to go doomscroll on /pol/ or maybe not because it's a honeypot. Your head is so far up your own ass you probably actually think the gov't gives a fuck to even spy on you. I think they would care even less about you than your parents do. Bad shit happens to everybody. It's called forgiveness. And it keeps you from becoming a bitter cunt who can't get over things. There are diseased and disfigured people in the world who get along just fine and you fucks with your perfectly healthy and fully capable bodies act like you have it so hard.
>>23571
kill yourself you fat fuck
>>23571
You are very cool
>>23560
>>23571
damn that's a lot of words
I'm a "mouth watcher". I look at people's mouths and teeth more than I think is normal. I'm aware that this is weird so I don't do it in person, but if I'm watching a video I stare directly at the mouth. I don't even really realize I'm doing it.
Replies: >>23577
>>23576
What do you notice most about mouths? Do you ever feel the impulse to mouth watch in real life? Like it's an itch you need to scratch but you pretend it's not there and continue staring at their eyes?
>>23571
You go to Hell and you die
I just made spaghetti without the help of my daddy
late to the topic but on the discussion of cars and this being a confession thread, I briefly considered becoming a mechanic when I was in high school.
It seemed like it would be a fun job. You work with your hands and get kinda dirty and its physical but not to the point where it destroys your back by the time your 50. Thats probably why you sometimes see mechanics still fixing cars when they be old af
And you work on a variety of other peoples cars and stuff with all the small little differences that might bring, so that would kinda interesting too


Probably was a good thing i didnt because the only thing on a car I can fix is change a tyre and check the oil.





Also, instead of becoming a mechanic i decided I wanted to be a graphic designer and and applied to uni, got rejected. then applied again the next year and got rejected again!
Replies: >>23631
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>>23627
I worked for a mechanic a few days a week while attending high school since I was interested in cars. It was like an apprenticeship program. I learned a lot from the guy but decided to go the carpenter contractor route. You're right, there's nothing more rewarding than working with your hands, very satisfying.  I've been reading a few articles that claim that more and more guys are gravitating towards the trades like electrician, plumber etc in lieu of attending college. If you do like working on cars various high schools have night courses in very basic auto repair. There are even schools that have 2 year courses in auto technology and will assist you with job placement after graduation.
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i wan 2 smell ashley's feet
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>>23644
Unfortunately you'll never have the opportunity to experience the sweet scent which is Ashley's feet. Go to a florist and purchase a bunch of flowers and whenever the urge strikes you to partake in the ambrosial aroma of those delicate tootsies just inhale the scent of the flowers you purchased. I realize that it's a poor facsimile compared to the actual experience but sadly that's probably the best there is.
Replies: >>23648
I like to fill a latex glove with warm water and rest it on my chest while imagining it's Ashley's hand as I'm laying in bed.
Replies: >>23647
>>23646
I was catching up on this thread RIGHT as you posted. This is the stuff I come here for. Do you ever give yourself a handjob with it? Since I'm sure the answer is yes, how is it? Have you ever accidentally broken it and splooshed water all over yourself and the bed? Have you ever fallen asleep and woken up with Ashley's disembodied latex hand feeling cold and dead, and then cried yourself back to sleep? So many questions.
Replies: >>23650
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>>23645
Yes I'm sure that's exactly what it's like.
Replies: >>23649 >>23670
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>>23648
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>>23647
When I was giving service some men would have to do this. I remember it was hard to stay silent while I jerked off in a room with other men.
>>23650
Sounds pretty gay.
>>23644
I bet her feet smell like stinky cheeses and sweat
>>23650
wtf seabee you used to jerk off while servicing men? it was hard to stay silent? aint you ever hear of don't ask don't tell nigga
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>>23650
THIS IS NOT SEABEE!! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT SEABEE! STOLEN VALOR ALERT!!!! STOLEN VALOR ALERT!!!!!
Replies: >>23658
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>>23656
Thanks, Anon
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>>23644
Just like the rash you get after visiting Derricks mother it always shows up...
no matter what thread, page or catalog its always right there. 

Every.
Single.
Time.

Look at the bottom right of your screen, see that picture? yeah thats right, its the Ash being Taz, but she is teasing all of us image board losers everytime we come here by showing off dem feets in a small but constantly viewable low resolution image format.
Tempting all of us to try and get a sniff of the wiff that you will never get to actually sniff if you catch my drift 
as for what her feet could smell like? if you want to know what the smell might be like, well... THOSE THAT REMEMBER... remember the pumpkin seeds? hmm, do they go all the way from the pit to the toes though????
Only her nose knows, you know






Honestly though, between the deeply embedded Pug poop/puke/pee stained particles that reside in her carpet that she walks around on her tippy toes wearing those cheap ass dollar tree socks tbh tbh, the smell is probably best left to the imagination, even despite how bad they look in >>23648
Replies: >>23672
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>>23670
hello dear you have beautiful show bobs please
Replies: >>23673
>>23672
I can't tell if this is an indian woman with a mustache or an indian man. For once we need the indian to show THEIR bob/vagene/penap.
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For the past 3 days Ive had hard shits that tore the inside of my rectum causing blood. Each day its worse and more blood. Im afraid the poop rubbing against an open wound will give me an infection.
>inb4 fiber
Replies: >>23961
>>23960
Btw my wife loves scrapbooking so Im contemplating putting my blood wipe in her scrapbook. Surprisingly theres no poop on the toilet paper wipe even though it was the first wipe. Its just a circle of blood.
I cucked a couple. The wife wouldn't shut up about scrapbooking until I fucked her. The husband was watching from the toilet since he enjoyed to stroke it while shitting.
In 2008 I stole a can of Monster Energy from my local convenience store. To this day I still haven't been caught.
For many years I've been saying "butt naked" instead of "buck naked".
Replies: >>24214 >>24216
>>24213
mistakes like these are a diamond dozen
Replies: >>24228
>>24213
I've heard both but only now know its "buck naked". Buck naked sounds better. But now I'm thinking about Buck Angel naked
I've been too lazy to go to grab my lotion so I use my soft polyester blanket for a pocket pussy and I've busted 4 nuts into it and I still haven't washed it. It's starting to smell. Sometimes I don't shower for the day and I smell like my bleachy cum. I don't CARE let my seed fill the airwaves AND FUCK YOUR NOSTRILS!!!!!!!!!
Replies: >>24219
>>24218
>fucking a blanket
>not just buying a pocket bussy
What are you, ten?
Replies: >>24226
>>24219
No but my pocket bussy is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
>>24214
I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it's a peach of cake.
Replies: >>24229
>>24228
This is what undiagnosed autism looks like
I fawn over my deer so she'll runaway antelope
I've kissed a guy. It was actually kind of nice. He was an Indian man.


-------------------------------------------------
               MAKE LOVE
         
                       <3

                 NOT WAR
-------------------------------------------------
Replies: >>24338 >>24341
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>>24337
>>24337
Wow that's so homosexual
I watched a video of Terry Davis masturbating in his van and now I can't watch his videos the same ever again.
Replies: >>24401 >>24404
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>>24400
That's nothing. Wait until you see what Tonetta used to do in his spare time.
Replies: >>24404
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>>24400
Same, can't believe I actually ejaculated to that video

>>24401
I've seen that video too, it's ballsy to put your dick up to fan blades. I'm worried he'll try using a plane propeller next
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I finally fessed up to this cute goth girl who I've known for the past 5 years and asked her out on a date. I put my number into her phone and I didn't hear back from her for a couple of weeks so I checked her Instagram and saw recent stories she posted about being lonely and depressed. Atleast I tried, right?
>>24430
>Atleast I tried, right?
what if you asking her out gave her the depression (´_`;)

how did you ask her out? did you stealth your number into her phone when she wasnt looking? got any tips? I have an appointment with my shoe sales woman and want to ask her out.

and whats her insta? not my the woman who sells me my shoes, I already have that, but ur cute goth girl's insta?
>>24430
Did you literally ask "can we go on a date" or did you just make plans to go somewhere? You probably dodged a bullet. Women who complain about being depressed on social media are usually BPD crazy.
>>24449
Asking a girl straight up if they want to go on a date is very autistic. I just asked if she wanted to hangout sometime and go do something. Normally when I go on dates we just grab food/drinks somewhere and talk and see where things go from there. Sometimes not planning anything and just checking out random things happening around town is more interesting and spontaneous.
Replies: >>24453
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>>24430
Bro you're being way too nice. I would've raped that gussy at least 5 times by now. She won't be lonely for long, she can make some friends in her hospital room.
Replies: >>24464
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>>24449
this
>>24451
Next time, give this a try: don't ask her if she wants to do something with you. You're giving her the upper hand that way; she knows from the get-go that she has all the power and control over the situation. Instead, have an activity in mind, and tell her that you're going to do whatever it is, and because she seems like someone you might want to get to know, she can "tag along." You're going to be having fun and doing interesting things with or without her.

Also, putting your number in someone's phone is a cheeseball move. Again, you're relinquishing control of the situation and putting the ball in her court. Women do NOT want to have to make decisions or initiate any kind of interaction; they want things to "just happen" (AKA, someone else is leading them by the hand, absolving them of thought or responsibility). Instead, after you've had a conversation with a girl, say something like, "This has been fun, but I have to go meet with someone. What's the best way to continue this conversation later?" The obvious answer which she'll suggest on autopilot is her phone number. Say, "Ok, what is it? I'll text you so that you have my number too." She'll give you the number, then you text her something like, "This is the weird ugly girl, right?" then she'll reply something stupid which you can reply to later at a time of your choosing (ideally not right away).

Alternatively you could just download some 4K pornography, lube up an ultra tight imported anime loli pocket pussy (unless you're Canadian, then you have to get a loose adult one), orgasm inside of it, and not worry about playing stupid games with women just to access their holes.
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>>24452
>gussy
Goth pussy?
>>24430
That's rough. Your love quest for your sweetheart continues. I would've been shaking as I typed my number into her phone.
Kill all women.
>>24449
>BPD
Funny you brought that up because she apparently is bipolar so perhaps I dodged a bullet. But still, I just want a sexy goth gf to have kinky sex and watch horror movies with.
Replies: >>24475 >>24480
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>>24474
How are you saying that so casually? "Herpy derpy apparently she is bipolar I guess." You naive, helpless little lamb. BPD women are basically satanic entities. Yes, you dodged a bullet. Dios fucking mio anon. Do you like the idea of a girl who will one moment be telling you how much she loves you and can't live without you, and then within the span of 15 minutes (probably after discovering you forgot to put the toilet seat down or something) will be calling the police and telling them you raped and beat her, and as you're getting hauled away give you the look this dog has in the picture? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
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>>24474
KINKY SEX? D-doesn't that mean... pegging?
Replies: >>24485
>>24480
I prefer bondage.
I saw an advertisement for a game on steam called Bum Simulator Full Release. The game is about being a homeless guy. I thought the game was about something else.
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because the camera is below her head level and she is looking downwards, I confess that I sometimes watch this particular video standing up with my laptop held high in the air pointed down at me. 
I do this because i like to imagine the Ash being 7foot tall autistic woman and she is yelling at me and calling me a dumb, stupid, weird retard.

It helps get me going in the morning
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I used to jizz into my stepmother’s trouser pockets then clean it and dry it while she was at work. 

This is a recent occurrence to me, but I have a few really wet, sticky farts each day and I barely go a day without getting little shit stains on my underwear. I also have anal fishers, so I like scratching my asshole but I get shit on my fingers and fingernails when I do so. 

I went to a massage place once and forgot to wipe my ass before hand and the asian massuse got really mad at me and started swearing and yelling in Thai cus when she massaged my ass she got shit on her fingers.

When I was underage, and starting puberty (around 12/13), I had a milf fetish, so I would go to the local woods / park if I needed a wee and stand near a tree. I would wait for women to walk past before taking my dick out to piss on the tree, standing in a way so that my lil underage pp was not obscured by the tree, hoping an older woman would walk over and suck it or fuck me, but it never happened. One really old woman found it funny so I stopped.

There was this super autistic guy in my school and this other guy who were enemies. One time they had a small fight and the autistic guy’s glasses came flying off. I stood on them, breaking them by accident, but his enemy got blamed. This caused the autistic guy to go into a meltdown and take a few days of school, and the other guy to be excluded for a few days too.

When I was about 5 or 6, I used thick blue tissue to wipe my ass cus I wondered what it would be like, after I took a shit in school. I tried to flush it but the paper was too thick and the toilet clogged. The next day we had an assembly where the janitor yelled at all of us, demanding to know who clogged the toilet cus he got covered in shit tryna un-clog it. I never owned up.

Also, my primary school had this drain right outside a door to a classroom. My friends and I built a ‘hotel for ants’ on the drain so that the ants and small bugs could have somewhere fancy to live. This covered the drain tho. That night there was a huge storm and it was raining the next day too. The drain was covered so that part of the playground was flooded again there was an assembly, but no one owned up.

This isn’t really a confession but when I was about 6 this person I swore was a girl, she looked like one and wore girls clothes took me round the back of the school and told me to look in her pants, then she showed me and she had a penis. She asked me if I wanted to touch it or put it in my mouth, or if she could for mine and I didn’t want to cus it was too gross or funny or whatever. I didn’t think anything of it cus back then I thought all girls had penises.
>>24645
Bro you need to tighten your asshole or something if shit is basically falling out of you. Are you playing with your asshole or something? How else does someone get fissures and a loose asshole?
Replies: >>24678
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I fantasized about having sex with my family members many times in my life. Chat, is that normal?
>>24658
If you have to ask, you already know.
>>24658
Yes obviously ::amerimutt::
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>chat
This is a no zoomer zone
>>24658
You started a thread for this? This could have been posted in confessions.
Replies: >>24664 >>24674
>>24663
This. Read the damn catalog ffs.
Replies: >>24674
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>>24658
Ashley, be a dear and move this thread to the void...and while you're at it ban this person. We don't need their "kind" mucking of this board any further.
Replies: >>24674
>>24663
>>24664
>>24667
It looks like Willy has found his way to Tubgurl.com. Don't worry, mommy took care of it.
>>24656
I have a bad diet and used to shove my fingers and pens, pencils and electric toothbrushes up there, yeah. I worry I may have a splinter in my asshole from the wood of the pencil or something. I never used to have such sloppy farts.
Replies: >>24689
>>24645
thanks for sharing this with the classroom, it makes me happy to read this because Im not you and that makes me feel better about myself.
>>24645
>I went to a massage place once and forgot to wipe my ass before hand
You have to have brain damage if you somehow forget to wipe your ass. You have enough time to pretend your ass is a pencil sharpener (>>24678), but you can't give it a wipe or two before you go get rubbed off at the massage parlor?
lol
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I find Ashley's voice sounds sexier when it gets low and scratchy due to sleep deprivation. I envy whoever listens to her order takeout over the phone during her TV and online porn benders.
Replies: >>24702 >>24710
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>>24699
what about how she sounds when she uses her deep voice?
In this sound file that was recorded during some endchan drama, her voice sounded very deep. 
perhaps she was coming off a T injection in preparation for her return
Replies: >>24704
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>>24702
This is also her "news caster" voice
Women make their voices deeper when they want to be taken seriously (because people naturally only take men seriously)
Replies: >>24721
The internet has ruined me as a person. I have managed to become someone I despise. I'm ignorant and stupid, passive and consumerist, narcissistic and self centered, infantile and dependent, insecure and fearful. I lack every trait I value. 

I'm addicted to porn, I goon and have fetishized that very porn addiction. This is killing libido and reducing my sperm count, among other things. I've seen shit that has traumatized me, even if I don't realize it. The most horrific things in the world: death, torture, rape, suicide, self harm, etc. all served to me through a screen. I don't even react anymore, how horrible is that? 
The fucking internet has altered my reality creating a parallel one that has warped and manipulated my perception of things, my ideas and views. It has groomed me and perverted me. There is not a pinch of innocence in me anymore, I have effectively killed my inner child. Nothing surprises me anymore, there is no more Eros. I can and have seen everything there is in the world without leaving my bedroom, there are no more adventures to live. Reality has been pornified, there is no mystery, no sensuality. Everything is out there, naked and exposed in the most grotesque ways. 
I have become passive. I have dreams I sometimes think about, ideas I would like to realize, activities I want to carry out... I never act upon them, I just keep consuming garbage. Minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, sitting in my dark room looking at a bright blue screen, hurting my eyes, becoming blind, becoming stupid, losing muscle, crippling myself.
I used to look out the window, but not anymore, everything is too blurry and it makes me uncomfortable. I can still see my screen tho, so there is no problem. I'm not a kid, but I act like one, another victim of big media's infantilization. Avoiding responsibilities like the plague, staying still and quiet, waiting for things to just werk out. I have no discipline, no attitude, no masculinity. 

Like Nietzsche's Last Man, I look around and I blink, no curiosity, no drive to learn, no intellect, no brain. There is still something, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this, yes, there's still suffering and disgust. Maybe they'll grow big enough to do something about it.
>>24705
>I'm addicted to porn, I goon and have fetishized that very porn addiction.
> I've seen shit that has traumatized me, even if I don't realize it.
>There is not a pinch of innocence in me anymore
Sounds like a willpower problem to me. I've used the internet a lot for many years and have a very different experience than you. I'm guessing you get bored and search for anything to cure your boredom, but you might not have anything in particular that you're looking for (such as books, learning, music, something healthy) so you're continually searching for whatever is easily to consume (porn, gore threads, maybe dumb Youtube videos). For me the internet has vastly benefited me for the better, mostly because I use it differently than you. I don't watch porn, no gore, no mainstream media (which might as well be gore with how awful MSM is). I try to use it as a means to learn and read things related to my hobbies. When I use the internet while I'm bored, I won't end up on a porn website or Mr. Beasts Youtube channel. I mostly listen to music, shitpost for a bit, maybe watch a video related to an interest, and once that gets boring I'll go cook or read something I've downloaded. The point I'm trying to illustrate is that it's not the internet that's ruined you, but it's your willpower. I use the internet in small spurts. Maybe that can help you. 15 minutes here, do something IRL for a while, 15 minutes online again, then back to IRL. Whenever I've wanted to make the effort to stop being online as much, I make a written list at the start of the day with specific things I'm going to do online and only allow myself to do that online for the day, nothing else. If I didn't write it down, I don't do that thing online. Obviously try to write non-degenerate things down and keep the list small. Don't allow yourself to get distracted by doing other things online, you must stick to the list. I usually space that internet activity throughout the day in between me doing IRL stuff (cooking, cleaning, showering, laundry, work).

At least you realize you have a problem. I don't mean this rude, but a hobby you genuinely really like will help cure the need to watch meaningless youtube videos, porn, etc. Anytime you have free time, consciously spend it trying to better yourself just by making the decision to engage on the internet with personally rewarding behavior and not brain rotting behavior. Brain rot consumption is fine this excludes gooning, but not all the time. The good thing is that you're way ahead of most people just by realizing you have an issue. Now you need to set new habits for yourself.
Replies: >>24720
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>>24699
Now imagine how sexy her voice would be if she took up smoking. Wait a minute...
>>24707
Yes, I agree, I think that in my case it is ultimately a willpower problem. But I believe this has been caused by a repeated consumerist engagement with technology which has created a mindset that's passive and that thinks only in terms of short term pleasure, you know, instant gratification and all that shit. And I still believe that the internet itself has many problems inherent to it which have negative (and can be devastating) consequences for most (if not all) of us. I have to admit that I admire your own experience with it, at the moment I find it hard to imagine for me to achieve a healthy relationship with it, reality just disappears when you look at a screen. That might sound excessive, but it really isn't, everyone experiences it, just look at the smartphone zombies. It really sucks you in and steals all your attention. Sure, it can be an amazing tool in theory, but you really have to be careful and constantly conscious of the way you use it, which makes me wonder: is it worth it? I think it's not, I think our brain can't properly handle it's speed, it just works differently than, let's say, a book. What do you think, is it worth it at the end of the day? 
Thank you for the good advice, writing down what I'll be using the internet for and doing those things solely (to use the internet with a defined purpose instead of getting used by it) and using the internet in small spurts (to avoid getting sucked in and losing the sense of time) are both things I had actually thought about but never put into practice. You know what? I'll start doing them today and try to give an update in a week.   
I appreciate you taking the time to give a thoughtful response.
Replies: >>24722
>>24704
She looked like Jarra from Men In Black II behind that desk.
>>24705
You should sue the city for not sending someone out to check on you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3clzF5dzkA
>>24720
The gooning/masturbation/porn addiction is probably what's going to draw you back in the most. It's actually not that hard to avoid mindless scrolling on 4chan or whatever, but your body has been trained to crave dopamine and orgasm. It'll go like this:
>hey this is going pretty good, I'm feeling better already
>I am kinda horny though
>I'll just have a quick wank
>get on computer
>9 hours go by
There's plenty of nofap zealots around that will tell you to just quit masturbating and that's going to solve all your problems, but that's obviously stupid and frankly you're more likely to relapse with your technology/internet problems if you do that. My suggestion is to not avoid jerking off, but do it completely offline. Ideally you'll masturbate like a primitive savage using only your imagination, but if you really can't, create a folder on your desktop, put 3-5 of your favorite videos in there (if you're a gooner I'm sure you have plenty downloaded), and disconnect your computer from the internet. That's what you have to beat off to, nothing else, no going online, etc. And actually jerk off with purpose - the goal is to make yourself nut quickly and then get the fuck on with your day doing other things.

I hope this helps since in my opinion it's much more actionable, realistic advice than the nofappers will give you.
>>24705
Too often in society we're told to repress our sexual desires. We need to get it all out so that our spirit is clean of sexual demons. I think you need to masterbate more to get all the bad intentions out of your body. See what your baseline is and then challenge yourself to increase that number. I used to be at 16 cums per day, but I've worked my way up to 33 cums. My spirit is cleansed of any societal sexual expectation. If wasn't for that dang internet, I'd for sure be a doctor or physisist by now.
Replies: >>24727 >>24728
>>24726
>33
REPPIE BE GONE
>>24726
okay ashley
Replies: >>24729
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>>24728
That wasn't me, however, if one were addicted to nutting then I would kindly request they do so to a picture of me or while thinking about me. The more sexual energy I harvest from people the more positive things happen to me. The last time I got a cum tribute I successfully stole vegan chicken patties from Walmart without getting caught. Keep it up boyos.
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>>24729
Just blew a load to your lesbian dream log.
Replies: >>24738
>>24729
post asshole
Replies: >>24738
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>>24729
I'm not addicted to nutting but if I were you would get so much sexual energy from me, forget about Walmart, small potatoes, you'd be able to hold up the First National Bank of Colorado without getting caught.
Replies: >>24738
>>24729
Hey ashley I posted one of my weird spiritual encounter in Nocturnal Emissions catalog, I was hoping to see your opinion on it, just let me know if I have to repost it on here.
Replies: >>24738
This one >>24718
I'm trying to not be a zoomer (unlocked the ability to use replies)
>>24729
Yeah, I'm sure that everyone who shoplifts from Walmart has cum on their face. It's like having blood on your hands. All loss prevention has to do is shine a black light over your face to profile you. Keep it up and I'll be cum tributing your mugshot.
Replies: >>24738
>>24729
From now on im giving all my sexual energy to trannies
Replies: >>24738
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>>24730
Thanks, I appreciate it. Wanna try blowing a load to this log next? I hope you're not joking around. I'm going to try and rape Craigslist Lady tomorrow all without getting caught. If I harvest even more loads I might even get away with dumpster diving next.

>>24731
Here's an ascii rendition:
 /     \             \            /    \      
|       |             \          |      |      
|       `.             |         |       :     
`        |             |        \|       |     
 \       | /       /  \\\   --__ \\       :    
  \      \/   _--~~          ~--__| \     |      
   \      \_-~                    ~-_\    |    
    \_     \        _.--------.______\|   |    
      \     \______// _ ___ _ (_(__>  \   |    
       \   .  C ___)  ______ (_(____>  |  /    
       /\ |   C ____)/      \ (_____>  |_/     
      / /\|   C_____)       |  (___>   /  \    
     |   (   _C_____)\______/  // _/ /     \   
     |    \  |__   \\_________// (__/       |  
    | \    \____)   `----   --'             |  
    |  \_          ___\       /_          _/ | 
   |              /    |     |  \            | 
   |             |    /       \  \           | 
   |          / /    |         |  \           |
   |         / /      \__/\___/    |          |
  |           /        |    |       |         |
  |          |         |    |       |        

>>24732
Let's get this man some Cialis stat, mommy wants a new Camero.

>>24733
I'll read it, perhaps next you can try to dream about me since I need good luck for my CLR (Craigslist Lady Rape) tomorrow.

>>24735
Holy crap, if I'm not careful I might end up on Shoplyfter.com

>>24736
Great, you can start with me.
Replies: >>24740 >>24743
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>>24738
>Let's get this man some Cialis

Don't push it, the boys weren't too happy with that remark

Camaros are cars for mullet wearing low IQ good old boys.
Replies: >>24745
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>>24738
>try and rape Craiglist Lady
Confucius say, "Never bite hand that feeds you"
Replies: >>24744
>>24743
I don't think she's gonna be biting that hand.
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>>24740
I'm not scared, your boys look like a bunch of pussies to me
Replies: >>24746 >>24747
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>>24745
.>Your boys look like a bunch of pussies to me

Heh,heh I was thinking of a comeback for that but it would just fade in comparison to yours.
Replies: >>24747
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>>24746
I don't have that problem.
>>24745
That's because you got that dog in you.
>>24747
Normally I would delete this kind of thing, but the dog looks consenting in this picture so I'm knot gonna delete this. To learn more about my opinions on bestiality, please visit: https://icum.to/dogvids/
>>24747
mmmm got any more? Also, can you list the website where u found this? Looking for it online is like looking for my penis in the shower
>>24751
sure here's the link
C:\My Documents\Good\nazi-dog-fucks-chinese-tranny.exe
dog_girl.jpg
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>>24751
If you can't find these things on your own, you don't deserve to masturbate to them.
>>24751
Here's your (You)
Just reverse image search it, try hard
https://zooporn.org/dogs-sex-mp4/22-bfi-fucking-a-girl-with-a-dog-with-cancer-amateur-mp4.html
Replies: >>24756 >>24758
>>24755
>spoonfeeding dog porn to summerfags
>>24755
Aw man, I was just jokin'. You however are fucking disgusting
Replies: >>24759 >>24761
>>24758
what kind of faggot asks for a link and then pulls a "I was just joking bro" after getting it

If you can't take the heat get the FUCK out of the kitchen
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>>24747
God I wish that were me
>>24758
Faggot. Weak sissy shit. Don't ask if you can't handle it.
new_video.jpg
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>>24748
You already told me about you and your husband tying the knot. Imma go to the pound and get me another bitch.
>>24762
Post link please
Replies: >>24764 >>24766
Pug's_orgy_in_the_park.webm
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>>24763
>>24763
https://zooporn.org/dogs-sex-mp4/713-amateur-vid-camgirl-brunette-makes-out-with-her-dog-and-lets-it-eat-her-out.html
Woman_breastfee9267.jpg
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Replies: >>24771
>>24762
For a brief moment, I thought that girl was Ashley!
Spoiler File
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>>24767
For a brief moment, I thought that girl was Ashley!
>>24748
Hey Ashley, do you still stand by everything you said on your manifesto? You say you've done plenty of research, but I don't think it's very well documented all around. Maybe it's just that the manifesto is lacking references and it has nothing to do with what you know of it. Gtg, wish I had explained myself better.
>>24777
The real Ashley was replaced hy a rapetillion not long after she wrote the manifesto
>>24748
>>24762
I'm genuinely curious, would Ash make out with her pugs if:
1. there's no law against it
2. it's consensual
3. Ash is "clean"
4. her pugs are "clean"
>>24777
this guy is vaccinated
cryptic_metaphor.jpg
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>>24777
She gets all her research from the same place Terrence Howard gets his. You just can't make this shit up.
18df855bfe9071035be66ee459eec20e97fb2139f234539c1669d05c66e7db6e.jpg
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>>24777
checked
Replies: >>24807
>>24799
this would be a good emote
I've got another confession to make, I'm your fool. Everyone's got their chains to break, holdin' you. Were you born to resist or be abused? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new? I needed somewhere to hang my head, without your noose. You gave me something that I didn't have, but had no use. I was too weak to give in, too strong to lose. My heart is under arrest again, but I break loose. My head is giving me life or death, but I can't choose I swear I'll never give in. I refuse.

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you? Has someone taken your faith? Its real, the pain you feel. The life, the love. You die to heal. The hope that starts the broken hearts. You trust, you must confess.
e4422cf383f177435b48f367ff30455a710f7c73cb7a3f4f89e84ec2a033f123.webm
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I hate old hags so much it's unreal. Cute and funny girls are where it's at.
Replies: >>24922
>>24920
There's good and evil inside each individual.
I've been sitting at my desk for about 30 minutes with my pants down while staring at the Ashley Tracker.
I ate an entire large pizza and it feels like I have a brick inside of my colon.
Replies: >>24997
>>24993
It is from the cheese, my brother
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I want to be shrunken so I'm 3" tall, then put into one of those bank tubes people put checks into at the bank. Then I want to be shot up while in the tube to the bank teller. That would be so fun.
>>25000
Guys I need to confess something. I made this post and I didn't realize I wasted the 25,000 get on something so fucking stupid.
Replies: >>25002 >>25003
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>>25001
You always say that you regularly post on the board anonymously. Somehow, I'm not entirely surprised that >>25000 is an example.
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>>25001
YAY,  Ashley got 25000

https://youtube.com/shorts/48z4tBQXrkM
>>25000
I wish you worked at the bank so I could fart in one of those and send it back to you. They are called pneumatic tubes.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumatic_tube
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tubsisters, I just ate an incredible amount of pasta. it was definitely enough for two or three people. I'm currently laying down on the floor next to the air conditioning vent and moaning involuntarily every few minutes. I wasn't going to overdo it but I did uh huh because I'm naughty, yes I am. picrel is me
Replies: >>25659
update tubsissies, still on the floor. feeling better a little. although I'm very thirsty but I'm too bloated to move, plus I'm a bit worried the liquid will stretch me out even more

what do
Replies: >>25653
just farted. it felt good
Replies: >>25654
>>25651
Are you able to use your newly form gelatinous body structure to strategically roll you way across the floor, maneuvering around the trailer house, towards the toilet?
you will have the nice cold, albeit sticky with piss tiles to cool you down. A source of water to quench your thirst and finally, a loo for you to poo if you need to do a number 2

gl tubsis
Replies: >>25655
>>25652
same
Replies: >>25655
>>25653
this is good advice but despite my recent flatulence I don't have to poop yet. I suspect this will all spill out of me in 4-5 hours

I still haven't had a drink yet. There's one literally 4 feet away from me but I would have to stand up to get it. the ice is melting in it as we speak

>>25654
nice. what did you have for dinner?
Replies: >>25660
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As I'm currently immobile, I'm entertaining myself by shitposting and looking through some of my pictures. I saw this one. I want to curl up in ashley's armpits and sleep there so bad, I bet they smell so good and are probably soft and moist
oh god I might be sick

should I just purge, roman-style? does that make me an anorexic? or is it bulimic? the ones that puke themselves after gorging
>>25650
I only experience over-eating during the holidays when I have to visit friends and family and eat everything they offer. Last Christmas I ate like a fucking king, For brunch I ate eggs, bacon, ham, french toast with powdered sugar and maple syrup with orange juice mixed with vodka and freshly made coffee. For dinner, I had a full plate consisting of turkey and ham with gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, a variety of vegetables, salad and pies and ice cream, All this while drinking beer and this tasty red wine that I kept pouring myself throughout the night. I think I drove to my parents' place drunk that night but it was only a 5 minute drive so not a big deal. I didn't eat until 6pm the next day since I was still bloated and shitting everything out throughout the day,
>>25655
>what did you have for dinner?

I have not made any dinner yet as there is no food here. I hqve to leave now and go to the grocery store.

hopefully I wont suffer the same conundrum as >>25645 and be struck with an itchy crotch during this task

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