/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

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ITT post funny pictures, webms, stories, or anything funny.
Replies: >>23850
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anyone watch these guys? I know they're normies but henry is my nigga. It's been devastating watching jeanie slowly destroy his life
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I've done my doody as a tubbie and got this thread started, someone else dump now plz
Replies: >>23784
>>23766
Bitches always go for the tradgirl cope wayyy too late
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>>23771
No hate bro, but this is not it.
Replies: >>23785
>>23784
Start your dumping
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>>23785
Replies: >>23789
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>>23785
Replies: >>23789
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>>23785
Replies: >>23789 >>23796
>>23786
>>23787
>>23788
About what I expected. I don't even know why I come here anymore. Truly fucking awful.
Replies: >>23791
>>23789
Good. We do not need such small minded people like you here anyways.
>>23762
That blonde guy gives off child molester vibes 
👀
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I'd like you all to meet my little pony Kaleigh KoЯn.
>>23788
These are a lot like me and Dashley
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I wonder what Ashley thinks about guys with  bras. She probably thinks it’s repulsive. What do you think Ashley?
Replies: >>23810
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>>23802
She has said that guys wearing thongs is repulsive. Do any of you guys like it when boys wear thongs or bras? I know some of you like to wear them so here’s a place where you can get them. Post some pics wearing them. https://www.mensunderwearstore.com/collections/style_thongs
Replies: >>23813
>>23810
Thongs are always gross bro the shit molecules resonate into the cloth
>>23813
Hell yeah, motherfucker, shit molecules.
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>>23813
What about guys wearing bras or crop tops?
>>23813
That’s why you wash them after you are done wearing them. Do you ever wash your clothes.
Replies: >>23828 >>23832
>>23825
It's in the sweat
>>23825
take the thong out ya bussy playa
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>>23834
RIP.
>>23834
Now that's how you give head. Best blow job I've ever seen.
>>23834
My grandma broke her hip doing this
>>23834
she took the "falling into the cockpit" trope to a w(hole) new level
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>>23760 (OP) 
>>23850
Dumb bitch, what a waste of peanut butter.
>>23850
This video has been in the back of my mind since I first saw it years ago.
Just the idea of fucking an autistic girl covered in peanut butter.
Replies: >>23860
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Replies: >>23863 >>23868
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>>23850
Muscle Twink Seduces Jock Daddy
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TwDjri4lHqg
>>23853
She has a youtube page with barely any views on her videos where ahes rambling about spirituality and veganism. morgiluvsu is the channel She also has nudes. Search for Morgichan aka inezhikari aka morgnxthicke.
Replies: >>23861 >>23863
>>23860
Her and Ashley should slam clams
Replies: >>23865
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>>23854
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water... estrogen

>>23860
>rambling about veganism and spirituality
Are we sure Ashley doesn't have autism?
>>23861
Ashley is never gonna slam clam. She's too much of a chowderhead. It's just a fantasy like how I want an Ashley gf who slams clam and likes fish head. It's never gonna happen because she won't go pescatarian.
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>>23854
That's what my breasts look/feel like currently given the influx of hormones I'm currently experiencing. No milk coming from them but apparently you can milk yourself if you listen to babies crying and squeeze your breasts every day. I almost gag whenever I see a woman lactating, so it's not something I'm willing to try unless I were really really thirsty and had no access to clean drinking water.
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>>23868
>given the influx of hormones I'm currently experiencing
Ooohhhhh, this explains your little "outburst" the other day >>23790

P.S. I would drink your 'tate even if I was sitting next to a lake of water.
>>23868
I accussed my middle school girlfriend of lactating when it was just a tonsil stone from my mouth I felt.
Replies: >>23872 >>23876
>>23871
I don't understand how you would confuse those two things. Were you sucking on her tits or something? be detailed
Replies: >>23873
>>23872
Yeah I was suckin' on her bitties and I thought something came out her tit but it was just my tonsil stone coming loose. In my defense I never payed attention in sex ed.
Replies: >>23876
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>>23868
>I almost gag whenever I see a woman lactating, so it's not something I'm willing to try unless I were really really thirsty and had no access to clean drinking water.
But you don't have access to clean drinking water. It's laden with estrogen. Which might explain your breastmaxxing. Are you sure you're lesbian? Are you sure you're Mexican?Breast milk tastes like horchata. Horchata is delicious and it's not hard to make. It's as easy as taking candy from a baby.
Replies: >>23875 >>23882
>>23874
Can I buy breast milk online? I'd like to try making some acai smoothies with it
Replies: >>23879
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>>23871
>my middle school girlfriend
>>23873
>Yeah I was suckin' on her bitties
Replies: >>23880
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It's like mother's milk.
Replies: >>23886
>>23868
I'm gonna blow a load to that pic later btw
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>>23875
Actually, yes you can. But I've never done it and have no interest in it. I'd be too disgusted to drink some rando's body fluids. It could be chest milk from a tranny. I'd only consider doing something like that with my waif.
Replies: >>23880
>>23876
Thank you sir, but I can't accept this cock ring as I too was in middle school at the time when sucking on prepubecent tits. I almost got a blowjob at 11 but I was too scared she would think my penis was too small CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? I threw away getting blown at ELEVEN!!!!!

>>23879
Of course it'd have to be ethicially sourced tit milk from Ashley or some bright haired e-girl with 50k+ followers. Grassfed, Freerange, Non-GMO, USDA Organic, non tranny, supple egirl tit milk no added hormones.
Replies: >>23881
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>>23880
>I too was in middle school
I... never suspected you weren't
>>23874
whorechata more like
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>>23877
That reminds me Mother's Day is on Sunday.
>>23886
Lucky kid
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Treat a nigga right.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pKsINBk2tF4&pp=ygUQMTIgeWVhcnMgYSBzbGF2ZQ%3D%3D
>>23886
I've seen my mom naked one time. I get my nipples from her.
Replies: >>23903
>>23901
Was it accidental or on purpose.
>>23886
I wish I had a super power that would give me 100% accurate statistics for anything I want to know. For example, I would want to know how many loads were blown to that magazine cover. Or how many loads were blown to poop.com
Replies: >>23913 >>23919
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>>23907
You don't need no stinkin' super power, just ask the magic 8 ball
Replies: >>23915 >>23972
>>23913
But you gotta ask it nicely

https://youtu.be/9Z2sDXQ-h-g
>>23907
>how many loads were blown to poop.com
I know about at least 1 of them from today after I went to that website
Replies: >>23937 >>24009
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>>23919
>mfw I visit poop.com
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>>23937
Did someone say poop?
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>>23913
We use a See n' Say where I live.
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniemcneal/wheel-of-food#.amp7B1dWv
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/S51E336DHdo?feature=share love this channel.
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>>23919
thats an 11 year old btw
Replies: >>24015
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Remember Suicide Squidward? This is him now. Feel old yet?
>>23886
I think this was a fetish of hers because there more pics of her and her son doing the same exact thing.
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In your head, in your head
Jambi, Jambi, Jambi, bi, bi
What's in your head, in your head
Jambi, Jambi, Jambi, bi, bi, bi
>>24009
She was 18 in that video you sicko
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Claw game so rigged that even investigator can't force a win
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iirc this guy is a steroid dealer/buyer and beat these charges
Replies: >>24074
>>24065
It's Tor not TOR. Also I'm not sure what he means by "the drive wipes everything" because Tails is an amnesic live OS that runs in RAM. Perhaps he means he had an encrypted persistent storage partition on his USB stick. Nice to know this technology works even for people who have a rudimentary understanding of it, although it's probably best to not upload self incriminating videos after the fact.
Replies: >>24079 >>24080
>>24074
>It's Tor not TOR
It sounds more important and intimidating as an acronym than some gay weak ass faggot shit like "Tor". I bet that's what homos say to eachother when getting fucked in their asses.
>Mmmmm you Tor my ass up real good last night, Daddy. Teehee~ ;p
Replies: >>24107
>>24074
smartass
Replies: >>24107
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>>24090
ayy don't a get me wrong guys, i was a just trying to provide gas to the gas station

more like taz station, amiright or amiright fellas
>>24090
Amateur hour. Those gas nozzles aren't worth very much.
If you notice, he grabbed the green handle which is diesel so his name is probably Vin, probably a poser.
>>24079
https://support.torproject.org/about/why-is-it-called-tor/
>Note: even though it originally came from an acronym, Tor is not spelled "TOR". Only the first letter is capitalized. In fact, we can usually spot people who haven't read any of our website (and have instead learned everything they know about Tor from news articles) by the fact that they spell it wrong.

>>24080
Sounds about right to me, better than being a retard
Replies: >>24112
>>24107
And it's gif not jif. It stands for graphics interchange format.
Replies: >>24126
>>24112
Technically it's pronounced "jiff" but it might as well not be since nobody does

It's like stallman with his "gnu plus linux" thing. he's absolutely correct but the unwashed retarded masses will never actually call it that.

people are just generally just so stupid that these things ultimately don't matter because you'll never convince people to do or say things correctly. 

I am 100% blackpilled about the average person's level of intelligence. It's why 80% (probably more) of the population is vaccinated including most of the people on this board.
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a certified hood classic
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 Two kinds of animals
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I'm not gay but I came across this image of a man who does porn that looks just like Linus Tech Tips. His pornstar name should be Linus Dick Tips. I edited on pants and a cleverly placed watch for modesty
Replies: >>24245
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>>24207
Tape worms make you skinny
Replies: >>24212 >>24232
>>24208
Hey anon, what do you call vegan tape worms?
Replies: >>24217
>>24212
I call vegan tape worms, vegan tape worms. What do you call them?
>>24208
How many tape worms do I need inside of me to get that skinny?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G7YS1MgbbYs&pp=ygUjZHVrZSBudWtlbSBkb2Vzbid0IGxpa2UgaGFpcnkgd29tYW4%3D
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C8GT4AHgK-k
https://m.youtube.com/shorts/a_SaSH97T1A
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>>24206
>not gay
>just happen to come across a pic of gay porn star

the same thing happens to me all the time! I swear!
Im browsing the internet and BOOM a photo of a gay dude appears on the website, right there in front me. I must have a computer virus or something causing it, has to be the only reason

as he is raining blows down on me, I try telling this to my dad each time he catches me looking at the gay pornstar thats on my screen but he never believes me.
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                                   MAKE LOVE

                                           <3

                                      NOT WAR
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>>24625
Now that's the kind of prime time TV I would tune into
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/uO6srzzRyJI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfgWUbKR2pM
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/5iYDLfHKtLQ
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>>24666
If I had any black friends, you'd be number 1.
Replies: >>24671
>>24668
More like number 2 *splash*
>>24665
kek
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In the long slender leg contest, she came in second to Ashley's first place. Ignore the retard in the background.
Replies: >>24792 >>24793
>>24785
based urban camouflage wearer messing up some stupid egomaniac thot's instagram video. Good for him. This chick's ":sexy" walk makes her look like she has something up her ass (and who knows, she might)
>>24785
Looks like a Ukrainian recruiter about to abduct another tranny off the street to go get raped for Zelenskyy
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Don't post whether you think the war was fought for altruistic reasons or fought to get us out of the malaise of a depression or the U.S. government entered the war for nefarious reasons. When you think you have it hard just breathe a silent thank you for the kids, yes kids, some of whom weren't even old enough to shave who unquestioningly made the ultimate sacrifice because they thought it was the right thing to do.
>>24884
>thank you for the kids, yes kids, some of whom weren't even old enough to shave
I'm thankful everyday!! Let's trade pictures sometime
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>>24884
I will NEVER die in a human sacrifice ritual for Israel, corporate interests, or the greed of wretched old pedophile "elites."
Replies: >>24892
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>>24884
Some of the worst things imaginable have been done with the best intentions.

Picrel is 16-year-old Willi Hübner being awarded the Iron Cross in March 1945
Replies: >>24891
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>>24890
Now that was a war worth fighting!
>>24889
It really is that easy. People fake mental illness all the time in the military when they realize they made mistakes and want to get out. My NJROTC instructor told us about a guy aboard the ship he was serving on who really wanted to go home because his wife was going to leave him. I can't remember all the details but the guy started to pretend to ride a bike everywhere he went on the ship and even rode his bike overboard. When they sent him home. He quit riding his bike and they asked him what had changed and he told them that he lost his bike in the sea when he fell overboard.
Replies: >>24893 >>24895
>>24892
Based, other than the fact that his wife was likely already cheating on him. Shoulda stuck it out for thos gubmint bennies. Now he has no wife and a permanent record of being a retard
Replies: >>24895
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>>24892
>>24893

With my 4 year stint in the Seabees 2010-2014 I don't know if the name has changed since but the guy fooling around with your state side wife while you were on deployment was given the name Jody.
Replies: >>24896 >>24897
>>24895
Why Jody? I don't get it.
Replies: >>24897
>>24895
>>24896
https://taskandpurpose.com/military-life/brief-history-jody-original-mr-steal-girl/
>The U.S. military’s use of term dates back to roughly 1939 when it was introduced to the U.S. Army by African-American soldiers during World War II. Originally, “Jody” was “Joe the Grinder,” and blues singers used to croon about him — a disreputable man who cuckolds prisoners and soldiers by stealing their wives and girlfriends. While he’s Joe simply because it’s a common name, the “Grinder” comes from the 19th century slang for sex. Jody literally grinds up on, and then, in your girl.

>By the end of the war, the name had been shortened to Joe D., then Jody, which stuck. And everyone knew who Jody was. The idea of him even worked its way into cadences.
>>24897
I guess for the cheating gays it'd be Brody
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>>24897
Hey pal I was talking to Seabee
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>>24884
Replies: >>24903 >>24905
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>>24901
giga kek
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>>24897
Thanks for the Jody history lesson, it was very interesting. We used so much slang in the military not knowing where it originated.

>>24900
General Patton also said, "No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country".
Replies: >>24904 >>24905
>>24903
He said a lot of things before realizing after the war that he was being used for Semitic influences which later got him killed in that car "accident". Oh well, atleast Hollywood earned a profit from that movie they made about him.
Replies: >>24905
>>24900
>>24904
>>24904
There is no evidence Patton ever said that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Y0UVt6uzkA

Anthony Brown in 1975 Bodyguard of Lies Volume II writes that:

    Patton was relieved of command of the 3rd Army by Eisenhower just after the end of the war for stating publicly that America had been fighting the wrong enemy— Germany instead of Russia

In Phillip Coleman’s 1987 book Cannon fodder: growing up for Vietnam the exact quote is:

    We may have been fighting the wrong enemy (Germany) all along. But while we're here (on the Soviet border), we should go after the bastards now, 'cause we're gonna have to fight 'em eventually.

In a 1953 article written by Red Cross worker Betty South entitled "We Called Him Uncle Georgie", originally published in The National Guardsman South says:

    When he went to Berlin to receive the kiss of death from the Russians he remarked shortly, "I think we've been fighting the wrong people all this time, but I've oiled my belly so I can stay with them on the Vodka. My front will be as good as theirs."

>>24903
General Patton also said, "It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather, we should thank God that such men lived.." He also coined the phrase "lead, follow, or get out of the way" when he wrote "Lead me, follow me, or get the hell out of my way." in his book "The Patton Principles."
Replies: >>24906 >>24917
>>24905
>There is no evidence Patton ever said that.
That's usually the case for these sort of things.
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>>24905
And General MacArthur was relieved of duty in 1951 by president Truman for about the same reasons as General Patton.
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>>24928
I love this video, this woman is actually funny (extremely rare)
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>>24934
>people still believe this
Replies: >>24936 >>24938
>>24935
no its just funny
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>>24933
whats going on here? was their some food at the end that was scaring the runway models?

>>24935
no its literally true, she even confirms it in her QnA
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>>24994
And then the guy says to the dog, "That's not piss, it's cum"
Replies: >>25164
>>24994
>>24995
and then the dog replies to the guy "Dont tell me that, Im just holding the camera. Tell it to the cat thats inspecting your pipes.... fuckin weirdo"
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lol
Replies: >>25237
Im too retarded to understand this. Someone pls explain
Replies: >>25259
>>25230
LOL !!
>>25235
We're all retarded:
https://old.lemmy.sdf.org/post/16346145
Replies: >>25262 >>25263
>>25259
dang ol ninja turtle, man talkin bout a cow bunghole, man
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>>25259
Brilliant. This is the comic that made the Far Side The Far Side that we love.
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could Ashley and her pugs pull this off?
Replies: >>25814
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The 90-minute debate will take place on Thursday, June 27, at 9 p.m. ET at the CNN’s Atlanta studios.
https://edition.cnn.com/politics/live-news/cnn-debate-trump-biden-06-27-24/index.html
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>>25795
Cats rule
Dogs drool
Except Ashley's Pugs
They're cool
>>25812
I'll be binge watching the Colbert report. The not bald one of course.
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>>25812
Biden looked like a cadaver and made about as much sense
Replies: >>25848
>>25812
Thanks for the reminder, I was planning on hitting the gym for a late night workout but instead stayed home and ate ice cream while watching the debate. Pretty funny stuff.
>>25844
He’s a zombie, a mindless one that is controlled by the elites. A Manchurian candidate like Barrack Obama. Except this one is mostly brain dead so that the elites can control it like a puppet. But it’s so brain dead that it sometimes malfunctions and looks into thin air and wonders off. This guy is a joke.
Replies: >>25851
Biden has Alzheimer's
Replies: >>25864
>>25848
There's never been a more sobering president that points to the fact that there's people in the shadows running the United States. I remember at one of my jobs, I brought up the fact that Biden was a pedophile and it was like I started playing with my asshole right in front of them.
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>>25857
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzEHtTe0j3U
>>25850
Joe Biden has Alzheimers?
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shieet dey need to bring back muh nigga Obama
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>>25864
Replies: >>25891 >>25927
>>25889
kek politics are all fake and gay but this is pretty funny
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>>25924
Replies: >>25930
>>25889
The recent debate has proven that Joe Biden is clearly not fit to be president. He is half brain dead if not more than half. My question is how is he still running? Is he a Manchurian candidate?
Replies: >>25928 >>25929
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>>25927
The invisible hand is more than happy to have a senile old man as POTUS.
Replies: >>25929
>>25927
>>25928
https://youtu.be/71h7cUkAuTw
>>25925
https://youtu.be/apc85Cp4lQQ
https://youtu.be/FjZRWNg8k_M
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>>25981
Is that a police helicopter chasing the truckin' kitty? They'll never take him alive, he's too furr-ocious.
Replies: >>26010
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>>25981
MOVE OUT OF THE WAY STUPID PUSSY, I GOT FREEDOM TO DELIVER
Replies: >>26010
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>>25983
>he's too furr-ocious

You made a purrr-fectly funny pun

>>25990

I didn't know the Ash was a gear jammer, my kind of girl
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my favourite AI image
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>>26015
Sweet, here's mine
Replies: >>26018 >>26029
>>26016
Anybody here knows why it's harder for a man to maintain an erection when he's being penetrated in the ass? I've to keep stroking my penis to stay hard.
Replies: >>26019
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>>26018
It's because you're getting penetrated in the ass. Your sick brain might think it's "sexy" but your dick knows better. Butts are for pooping you fucking faggot.
Replies: >>26023
>>26019
>Butts are for pooping
tell that to women
Women don't poop. If you have a butthole, you're a guy.
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>>26016
This one is better.
https://youtube.com/shorts/i3nGV93gsfU
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>>26217
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>>26238
They're both homosexual.
>>26238
It's a complex topic. It's clear somethings different from both males pictured. I would say the picture implies a degredation of masculinity which has long been observed. I just want to say it's subsequent to cycles in which maintaining a society requires the roles men to function. It's not a clear and concrete answer because it's fundamentally a complex problem, though there are many reasons. 

Microplastics disrupting hormones, the 9 to 5 dismissing skeletal muscle, social media rewarding victim mentallity, unfiltered birth control in the drinking water just to name a few. 

It's one thing to list these problems, but to list what you as an individual can do to solve this problem is a meaningful pursuit. Strength training, eating red meat, avoiding plastic when possible to prevent hormone disruption. Masculinity isn't always defined by choosing steps to become stronger physically. Sometimes it means being responsible and being a provider for loved ones.
Replies: >>26261
>>26257
Yeah and the guy on the left is a homosexual while the one on the right is probably straight but who knows?
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvL-WGcoBis

Should have duke nukem flag
https://x.com/InsaneRealitys/status/1811186823198331167 happened at dollar tree.
Replies: >>26387 >>26388
>>26385
poor Ashley
Replies: >>26408
>>26385
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=666778e6b2da6
>>26387
That is why she shops there.
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Zack
Replies: >>26620 >>26626
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>>26615
heh,heh, heh  very funny man .
>>26613
I might be Australian.

I might(do) have autism



but atleast I dont have an iPhone
>>26613
That's a lot like Chester when he drops his phone and someone picks it up
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Sam Hyde
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Reminiscing with Ashley
>>27199
Of all the children's playground photos you Google searched, you had to save this particular one.
Replies: >>27213 >>27261
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>>27200
Does that bother you?
Replies: >>27241
https://x.com/ShitpostGate/status/1814870683865747655
Replies: >>27240
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>>27239
>x.com
Next time use yt-dlp to download the video and post it directly (compressing with ffmpeg if necessary to make the filesize reasonable) so that people don't have to run their tongue along Elon's hairless taint to see whatever stupid video it is you want to post from "X"

I've gone ahead and done this for you, but next time you're going to have to figure it out on your own. No need to thank me, not all heroes wear capes. *tips fedora*
Replies: >>27242
>>27213
What bothers me is that I'm not allowed to go to parks anymore because the state of Montana apparently thinks I'm a "sexual predator" and I can't be within 500 feet of a park or school. You fuck ONE kid and everyone loses their minds. This country used to be free thanks to patriotic americans like you. TYFYS.
Replies: >>27278
>>27240
Yeah, I know how to download twitter videos, poo.
Replies: >>27252
>>27199
Chester is in the bushes. Thats the only bush he'll ever be in. BAGZINA!
Replies: >>27253
>>27242
Maybe you should actually do it then next time you bloody fucking benchod
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>>27251
>Me and Chester are pals
>I know he's a pedo but I don't care because I'm based like that
>I invite him to a party
>It's a bachelor party but he doesn't know that
>He arrives
>Clearly uncomfortable
>I get the stripper to put her hairy muff in his face
>picrel
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>>27199
Seabee, this was the exact playground that >>27200 got bullied on during the 1950s
you were alive back then, how dare you!
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>>27241
Yea, people these days are so closed-minded.
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>>27261
Yea, I was alive back in the 1950s but I was too old back then to be a bully. Picrel, yea, it's me.
Replies: >>27291
>>27279
why is this man holding onto a long pretzel?
Replies: >>27297
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>>27291

Because he lost his cane, duh.

https://youtube.com/shorts/2_9CwqNuXTg
https://x.com/shitposts_mp4/status/1816050710548517058

Getting some ideas for Ashley
Replies: >>27621
>>27616
https://nitter.poast.org/shitposts_mp4/status/1816050710548517058
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After gaining fame for his performance at a Gayngsta rape battle, rapper Tyler Nol appeared on local morning news program with Michelle Obama!
Replies: >>27705 >>27706
>>27648
The sexual tension is so palpable
>>27648
>comic sans on his book cover
Ashley could learn a thing or two from him about design
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One of the reasons to not get a cell phone
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It's been quite some time since I've written an Ashley erotic story.....Enjoy

                                                     ----------- ONE IN A MILLION-----------

A soft knock on my front door interrupted my late afternoon reverie. By the sound of the knock I sort of realized it was her and I was sort of hoping it was her. I got up, walked to the door and opened it. It was her. I tried to contain my joy and tried to play it cool but with Ashley that's hard to do. I looked at her and she said in a faux sarcastic tone, "Well are you just going to stand there looking at me or are you going to ask me in"? I invited her in. She was holding a bag and said that she wanted to make a vegan dinner for us. She said that she got the recipe off the interweb and was anxious to try it out.I said half mockingly, "Sure, experiment on me will ya." She gave me her patented smirk as only she can and placed the bag of ingredients on the kitchen counter.

 I told her how exceptionally cute she looked, sort of cuter than usual.She looked at me with her big green eyes and returned the compliment by slipping her tongue between her sensuous lips. That organ of hers was always one of my Achilles heel. She pulled me towards her and I clamped my lips around her soft pointed little tongue. That little organ was so soft and moist and warm. When I used to drink soda I've tasted Pepsi that wasn't even as sweet as her warm saliva. She ended the moment by saying that it was time to begin cooking our meal.

 She had her back to me as she started cooking. Damn, she was wearing her black tight yoga pants that emphasized her cute  and perfect round little butt, to say nothing of that little pony tail that never failed to do something to me. I began thinking of eating something other than the meal she was preparing. The vegan meal to my surprise was quite tasty and I complimented her on her accomplishment. After all, what girl can cook, repair a VCR while humming "Just A Gigolo", host her own website and make comedic videos among other things.

 After the meal she began her usual seduction act and wound up pulling me towards the bedroom. Again I tried to play it cool by feining only a partial interest but as usual she saw through my pathetic act. She started undressing me and started rubbing my nipples and before I could even utter a sensuous moan I stood before her totally naked. Her eyes perused my body starting at my feet and slowly moving up to my now stiff member. We locked eyes and I could see a glint of appreciation in her large green eyes. 

 I began undressing her which took me all of 15 seconds. I understand that you guys have to use your imagination when it comes to thinking of Ashley sans clothing but I can assure you that no amount of imagining can compare to the actual siting of her petite perfect body with those long slender legs and perfect little butt, small perfect breasts and little pink nipples. And let's settle this right here and now and once and for all, her nipples are PINK. Her perfect little butt rivals any cute little butt ever created since the beginning of human kind. 

 We locked in an embrace and I slid my stiff penis into her waiting snug vagina. I wonder if that was what Bob Dylan had in mind when he penned and sang "Knock knock knockin' on heaven's door." Neither of us could stave off our climax. At about a minute it was over almost before it started. Both of us achieved a mutual orgasm that seemed like the explosion of a hydrogen bomb.  

                                                         --------- EPILOGUE--------

 We got dressed and walked into the kitchen. She reached in her bag and surprised me with a few apple tarts she had made from scratch. The tarts were almost as sweet and delicious as she is. After dessert I asked her if she was going home and she replied that she is home since home is not a place, it's a feeling. Yea, she's one in a million guys, one in a million. 

                                          ------------------ END---------------
Replies: >>27886 >>27948
>>27880
awww shiet im bout to crank my hawg to dis
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>>27908
BLM! BLM!
Replies: >>27921
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>>27909
We must condemn and fight doll prejudice.
Cute Galago (but Ashley is much cuter):
https://www.tiktok.com/@pizzatoru/video/7380216234207366417
Replies: >>27931
>>27930
You can't fuck a galago tho
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>>27931
>You can't fuck a galago
hold my beer and watch me
Replies: >>27934
>>27932
My bad, didn't realize your penis was that small.
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>>27937
My cute little stepsister, Ashley.
Replies: >>28185
>>27880
>I began thinking of eating something other than the meal 

oh my Seabee!
Youre too comfortable with this scenerio of Ashley coming over and cooking you a meal and fucking your brains out.
I get that its your fantasies, I mean who wouldnt like a nice cook and fook with the Ash, well maybe not so much her cooking. Whatever, anyways challenge yourself a bit with a new scenario. 
For example, you see her at the dollar tree and you stare at her a lot, so she gets uncomfortable and leaves. which is what you wanted because when she walks out you stuff her in your van, take her home and force to make a beef lasagna and then it ends with you two playing Fortnite together and getting Victory Royales all night long!
Replies: >>27966
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>>27948
https://yewtu.be/watch?v=K6W-ogYaMMY

Yea, it would seem that I have a one track mind as sung by Johnny Thunders and the Heart Breakers. I don't have a van to stuff Ash in but if I had a mind to which I don't I'd be hesitant to do so because she'd probably kick my butt. She's not that strong but that little girl is wiry. I doubt we'd play video games though, when you've done it all IRL video games are boring, But I'll take your suggestions under advisement, heh, heh..
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>>27943
stepbro be like
Replies: >>28213
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>>28209
stupid christians

>>28185
pedobear
Replies: >>28215 >>28258
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>>28213
Now This is bearbacking!
Replies: >>28258
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>>28213
>>28215
https://www.sextvx.com/video/923891/sasha-grey-fucked-by-a-bear
Replies: >>28259
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>>28258
I chose the bear, literally.
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>>28274
When the kids grow up, they will appreciate the beauty of BBC and the beast aka the bear.
Replies: >>28292
>>28289
I love cocks!
>>28274
>ginger
>kpop fan
>>28274
Full of aids
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I miss school sometimes
Replies: >>28496
tl;dr I was basically T.J. Detweiler from Recess in middle school.

heh, I had these exact notebooks in middle school. The teachers would make us write down our homework assignments in them. I never did my homework so my notebook was full teacher's notes written to my mom in red ink that were supposed to be signed and brought back but I never had my mom sign them, I forged her signature. I had a friend that would cutout the pictures from his video game manuals and strategy guides and glue them into the notebook like a scrapbook. I remember telling him that those games were going to be worth lots of money in several years and you're just fucking your shit up. I'm talking about jrpg games like Chrono Cross, Final Fantasy VII and Pokemon Gold & Silver. I had all my Pokemon cards stolen from me by the principal because I unknowingly accepted stolen Pokemon cards from a kid at school who had stolen them from another student's locker. The school confiscated all my cards and gave them to the parents of the kid who had his cards stolen. My mom didn't give a shit to even go up to the school and complain. I did not knowingly accept stolen goods. All the kids were trading Pokemon cards. I didn't lose all my cards though. Funny story, I had one of my decks confiscated by a teacher in 6th grade. I wasn't even playing with them in class. They were in my bag and she said I wasn't supposed to have them at school at all. No such rule existed at the time and other kids had cards with them. My mom refused to go up to the school to get them back so on the last day of school in 8th grade, I get called to the office and have no idea why. They found my deck with a post-it note on it with my name in the back of a desk in the office and returned them to me, lol. I was blown the fuck away. I also ran the black market at school. I sold food and drinks and novelties like Dragon Ball Z pictures I printed from the school library and sold to other kids for their lunch money. I also traded cards, action figures and video games. I was finally busted because the school administration caught on that I was underselling the school canteen. All the kids were buying soda and candy from me and not them. My business was even subsidized by the federal gov't because I bought most of the food I sold with my mom's EBT card. She had three kids and one was a senior in high school who was never ever home and the other was a toddler who didn't eat much, so that card was loaded like it belonged to a single black mother with several kids. I would clip the coupons from the weekly sale ads my grandparents tossed in the trash and used them at Walmart when I went shopping with my mom or my grandparents. Then I realized that most of their neighbors were just leaving their newspapers in the driveway and tossing them in the trash. I began grabbing those sale ads too so they didn't litter the street ;)
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>>28405
Replies: >>28427
>>28419
>tl;dr
No, we expect you to post a stupid meme. No one was responding to you.
Replies: >>28428
>>28427
Nobody wants to read your shitty early life Wikipedia entry, homo.
Replies: >>28433
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>>28405
The 16 Best Blogging Platforms for 2024 (& How to Pick One)
https://blog.hubspot.com/marketing/best-blogging-platform
>>28428
No one is stopping Nobody from reading it
Replies: >>28435
>>28433
The length and boringness stops everyone from reading it.
Replies: >>28453
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>>28405
Five separate events, three of which are completely irrelevant to the topic and finished with an emoticon.
Replies: >>28453
>>28435
That sounds like a personal problem. Maybe you should quit trying to get faggots to suck your cock.

>>28437
They are still more interesting than anything you have posted because you're all npcs who posts stupid memes to make believe you maintain any relevance. You faggots are so dull that I don't even care to retaliate in kind anymore because all you ever do is get mad and post kys when you realize I led you off a cliff like the fucking lemming.
>>28453
Sorry to burt your bubble but absolutely nothing in your 557 word essay was interesting. Yes, burt.
Replies: >>28459
>>28453
>the easily recognizable schizo shits up yet another thread with his personal blog posts
>everyone else rolls their eyes and calls him out for his faggotry
>he cries
>now the thread is about him again
for the love of god please just get a wordpress.com account or join a facebook group or something
>>28456
So you admit to reading it.
Replies: >>28461
>>28453
This BPD overreaction is perfect for the funny thread.
>>28459
No I just skimmed and saw mentions of an EBT card and clipping coupons. This is /ashleyj/ not a WSHH forum.
Replies: >>28462
>>28461
ashley pls
Replies: >>28467
>>28462
no matter how much you force this it will never be a meme or funny, and no, it wasn't funny or a meme "back in the day"
Replies: >>28469
>>28467
ashley pls x2
>>28405
you know what, I liked your post It could have been formated a little better so it was easier on the eyes to read though.
fuck it, post more of them. If only to piss off the other anons but make sure to do it here in the funny thread so I can have a laugh in the appropriate thread on tubgurl.com
>>28405
I like your scheming, even if other people have heard it before. It's so amazing, so electric when the trickery flows through you. The collapse of a system into a new equilibrium, a new trick nobody else has. Abusing minecraft the offers by programmable trading chests for the option value inherent in the trades they offer.

You ever have that feeling where you couldn't possibly understand the appeal of sex, and then 20 minutes later you're horny as hell?

I often feel as though I cannot relate to the culture of gore and angst, stuff like songs where the implication is vengeance or school shooting or whatever. Horrorcore, emo, metal, incelcore. 

But I read a story where some guy loses some manga cards because of a fucking bully, and I want to encourage him to redact them.
>>28405
I read it all. I wish I didn't. Fuck you anon.
>>28398
did you peak in highschool or something?
I didnt, I wonder does that mean my peak is still to come? wait, maybe I have peaked but it was so low I didnt even know it was my peak?
Hey Alexa, where is the nearest tall building?

Im just kidding about self exiting, this is a funny thread after all.
Replies: >>28497 >>28602
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>>28496
I peek in Ashley's window.
Why do you all act like this? 
https://www.yewtu.be/watch?v=21Nlm92OE1w
>>28496
>did you peak in highschool or something?
No, I just miss the fun and simpler times of my youth.
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This is rare but heres an actually funny webm ITT
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>>29424
World peace ✌️

On second thought, it's hard to believe that Harris at 59 going 60 can still get pregnant at her age. Also, Trump will never fuck a fugly kpop fan Indian/Black woman, let alone getting her pregnant.
>>29424
Harris's father is Donald J. Harris 😅🤣😂
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_J._Harris
Replies: >>29434
>>29433
Donald J. Trump was born at Jamaica Hospital😅🤣😂
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Trump
When I opened this thread I had to make sure I was on /ashleyj/ and not Facebook
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What's for dinner?
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this is a lot like ashley
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>>29625
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>>29655
Makes sense to me
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>>29859
'ryan, tripartite face, rape = funny

...'sa gem!
Replies: >>29883
>>29882
NIgger WHAT
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>>29859
So when a woman says "Yes", she means "I've consented to be fucked by you/them", and when she says "No", she means "I've consented to be raped by you/them".
Got it.
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I vlogged my day at the beach tubbies. Thoughts?
>>29919
She should also film you while confronting you, and post the video here. Now that would be interesting.
>>29919
it's not gay enough in here
Replies: >>29923 >>29926
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>>29922
>>29919
"The Process of How a Baby is Made – Animation":
https://yewtu.be/watch?v=XBHDIRAH_Qo
>>29922
Here you go
https://yewtu.be/shorts/vin5L4_vwL8?si=NlmjuOFx_cu9T18x
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Spoiler File
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Just on the internet having a good time
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https://www.yewtu.be/watch?v=M07zQTrnwUs
That one new gay student when they get popular.

https://www.yewtu.be/shorts/1WPQKTNYhzs
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>>30384
oh my god thats such a cute picture ^_^
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>>30651
I see you wear braces. I wear braces too.
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this is a lot like me and ashley
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>>30708
Living in the moment. He had no idea what 15 seconds into the future was gonna bring him. His momma said he didnt do nothin
Replies: >>30724
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>>30720
What cracked me up is that he never even realized the danger a ricochet bullet can do firing his hand gun so close to himself.
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>>30830
based
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This is staged.........right?
Replies: >>30837
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>>30833
I'm convinced that so much of what you see on tiktok where people are doing outrageously stupid things are completely and totally staged. A big example is the "black people washing their chicken with dish soap" thing. I can't fathom anyone being that retarded, even blacks. I've known black people and none of them ever did that. As for the video you posted... well, I'm also not entirely convinced those two fellas are such great actors that they can pull off staging it.

It's a mystery, honestly. Oh well, here's a nice plapperbutt to look at instead.
Replies: >>30881 >>30907
>>30837
What a cute video of two brothers
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>>30837
Replies: >>30909
>>30907
All these chocolate kisses, reminds me of stories my friend who worked at the prison told me. 

He said every night while doing cell check/count he would run across a couple like these. 

And sometimes one would be sitting on the toilet, while the other man was sitting on top.

Another crazy story was about the same but with a twist basically the toilet version of human centipede.
Replies: >>30911 >>30945
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>>30909
cool

story

bro
Replies: >>30933
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>>30911
Come up to the front of the class and let’s all, hear one of your stories tubbie
Replies: >>30936
>>30933
I am dating a canadian-cuban girl who has an evil mother. Not an exaggeration, literally got a plea deal that protected her despite hiding evidence related to the rape and murder of children. She was an an active accomplice too. Not too popular back home which is why she's in Cuba rn. Shouldn't be surprising to learn she's a massive bitch 24/7. When I get this sweetheart pregnant, I'm going to kill her mother in front of her. Here's to hoping that hybristophilia is genetic.
Replies: >>30948
>>30909
Prison can be such a weird place, especially when the soap gets dropped.

https://www.yewtu.be/watch?v=1isBSPiEJ0c
>>30936
My mom can be very evil as well. At the moment, she keeps telling me to abandon my home and go stay in a homeless shelter. Her reasoning is that several years ago, she was evicted from her home for assaulting her landlord when confronting her for not paying rent so she came to stay with me at my apartment and said she was going to leave because I wouldn't listen to her bullshit so she left to go stay in a shelter for abused women telling them that I was abusive and I told her to leave. My mom has always taken things out on me for things my father did which was resist her abuse.
Replies: >>30954
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I should mention that if I ever get married and have kids, I will not be exposing them to my family and it will not be for something stupid like picrel.
Replies: >>30954 >>30956
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>>30948
>>30949
Why do you allow abusive, crazy people like your mom in your life at all? I've been "NC"  with several family members since before that phrase was even coined. You feel a little guilty at first (more than likely a conditioned response) but once you realize just how pleasant life can be without nutjobs constantly crawling up your ass, you never regret the choice. Implement a zero tolerance policy for drama and don't look back.
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>>30949
>if I ever get married and have kids
Replies: >>30958
I will get married and have kids with ashley
Replies: >>30960 >>30965
>>30956
You just know
>>30957
You mean Ashton?
Replies: >>30964
>>30960
yes my third son
>>30957
too late
If they make new Matrix film it might look something like this.
https://www.yewtu.be/watch?v=qkAh0CCrV9I
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eehehehehehehh
Replies: >>30991
>>30990
fake and gay
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Ashley would make a great Ryan Gosling.
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Replies: >>31084 >>31103
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>>31081
That teen has a very fuckable mouth. Nice.
Replies: >>31087
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>>31084
But it's reserved for the Energizer Bunny
>>31081
uh excuse me incel anctually this would be perfectly fine because all the electrons would just be in the metal and there would be no problem from the metal because it wouldn't let the electrons go so it is actually safe and fun even though I haven't done this
Replies: >>31106
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>>31103
uh, and your point being?
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>>31114
derricktryingtomakeitthroughthelast3daysofnonutnovermber.webm
Don’t Sweat Your Holiday Shopping
https://www.yewtu.be/watch?v=nyoqO4d_DsI
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Replies: >>31146
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>>31137
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lol! 🤎
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>>31138
 Yes it is.This is Underdog. By day, Ashley's loyal. devoted and affectionate cuddle boy. But by night he fights against the tyrants for truth, justice and the American way. Only hero Pugs wear capes.
Replies: >>31151
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>>31146
Sorry, that username is taken
Replies: >>31153
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>>31151
[New Reply]
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