/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

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Imagine that you've been abducted and taken to a large warehouse in the middle of nowhere. A wealthy individual with too much money and time on their hands wants to conduct a social experiment, and you're the subject. If you don't comply with their demands, you'll be tortured to death along with your entire family.

You're presented with three options. You must have sexual intercourse with one of the following:

1. A gay man
2. A pre-op tranny (has dick)
3. A post-op tranny (has axe wound)

Sex must last until you orgasm or 30 minutes has passed. You are guaranteed to not catch an STD.

Who would you choose, and why?

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Would you rather have $1,000,000 in untraceable cash delivered to your doorstep, or 3 hours of performing cunnilingus on Ashley? (Showering not guaranteed.)

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Would you rather shit your pants:

1. In front of a group of sexy high school cheerleaders (you can leave right away, but you have to walk past them and shit WILL drip on the floor as you do so)
2. While filling your plate at a Chinese buffet (you have to finish getting your food, sit down, and eat it all before leaving)

In both scenarios, the shit is highly visible through your pants and smells awful.

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>>8598 (OP) 
>If you HAD to choose, would you rather have 1 billion dollars or the ability to become invisible whenever you wanted?
I would choose the money since I'm already invisible.

>>8599
I would rather go have sex with 2. A pre-op tranny (has dick) because out of the 3 options that is the closest to having sex with a female and is the least gay

>>8600
man, this is tough... I would rather the $1,000,000 because I'd rather not spend the next 2 days trying to get out all the thick pubic hair stuck in my teeth

>>8601
oh this is easy, I would chose 1. shit in front of group of sexy high school cheerleaders and I wouldnt even break eye contact with them once.

>>8612
no, I see you anon! 

you and youre awful taste in music.


Would you rather...

A. Have sex with your mother but the lights are off. You can be completely silent about the whole thing. After 2 months both you and your mothers memory of the whole thing would be erased.

B. Have sex with a woman who has the EXACT 1:1 replica of your mother's body, including her scent, everything, every small detail... however the face is off a girl thats not your mother PLUS the lights have to be on at all times and you cannot close your eyes or look away or anything like that at all.
You will never be able to forget the experience, ever, every detail would remain clear as day in your brain.

>>8599
>You're presented with three options. You must have sexual intercourse with one of the following:

>1. A Man
>2. A Mentally Unstable Man
>3. A Wounded Mentally Unstable Man

I guess I don’t really see the difference here

>>8624
The mentally unstable man is more effeminate since hes more nuerotic, therefore its the least gay option if you want to screw an axe wound, this is all assuming you're not taking anything from behind, in that case I'd still choose the gay man since he would have the most experience so the rism of injury would be lower

>>8625
*if you DONT want to screw an axe wound

>>8600
Id take the money, Im assuming all gentials taste bad and dont want hair in my mouth. Oral sex is probably the reason why so many people shave down there these days, very unnatural.
>>8601
Im going to make those clean shaven holes slip on my shit, you get what you fucking deserve

>>8620
Your mother question drastically changes depending on if you have a hot mom or hot. My mom isn't bad looking, but she's my mom and isn't hot IMO. I would be disgusted having sex with her and even avoid porn where women's body types look like hers.

I'd have to go with having sex with a replica. Final answer.

>>8627
Eating a girl out isn't bad. They taste like if you mixed water with salt. As long as a girl is clean, which most women are. Sucking dick also isn't bad.

>>8636
I can see why it might be arousing, but at the same time it sounds like Id just be masturbating into somebody's mouth. I wouldnt be willing shave my balls for a blowjob either and I wouldnt want to get hair in the mouth of whoever's willing to put my penis in their mouth. Do they even enjoy it? Would it make me feel any better than just masturbating? I just dont see the point

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>>8642
>I wouldnt be willing shave my balls for a blowjob either
Why would you? I guess you could if you wanted her to suck on your scrotum, but that's a sensation that's more "fun" than stimulating, if that makes any sense.

>Do they even enjoy it?
Absolutely, girls love sucking dick

>Would it make me feel any better than just masturbating?
That's actually a more complex question than you'd think. It depends.

- How good at masturbating are you?
- How good at sucking dick is she?

And yes, you absolutely can be "good" at masturbating. If you just whip out our dick, fap for a few minutes, and nut, that's fine - for a functional, get-the-poison-out kind of wank. But to be good at masturbating means you get into coomer mode a little bit. I'm talking 4K high def videos of shit that really tickles your fancy. Wear headphones so that you can hear every squelch and squish. Edge for a while. Use a japanese-made high end ultra-tight loli pocket pussy with plenty of lube. The kind of shit that you're a little worried about when it has to go through customs. Cum deep inside that imported pussy and vocalize while you do it. "Yeah, yeah you take it bitch, take all my jizz down your tiny japanese hole", that kind of thing. Then you clean yourself up and treat yourself to your favorite takeout.

Obviously you're going to need the house to yourself for this one.

The experience I just described can be WAY better than a bad blowjob.

Having said that, a good blowjob certainly has its merits, particularly if her tongue game is on point and she lets you cum in her mouth. It feels like she's sucking your soul out through your dick and when you're done all that's left of you is a de-spunked empty husk of a man. It's great.

>I just dont see the point
picrel

>>8645
Thanks for the clarification, I can now continue to fantasize about Ashley sucking my virgin cock into oblivion without moral conflict

I fantasize about doing Ashley's taxes.

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>>8650
What taxes?

>>8620
>Would you rather...

>A. Have sex with your mother but the lights are off. You can be completely silent about the whole thing. After 2 months both you and your mothers memory of the whole thing would be erased.

>B. Have sex with a woman who has the EXACT 1:1 replica of your mother's body, including her scent, everything, every small detail... however the face is off a girl thats not your mother PLUS the lights have to be on at all times and you cannot close your eyes or look away or anything like that at all.
>You will never be able to forget the experience, ever, every detail would remain clear as day in your brain.

My mom isn't hot by any means but I'd still pick B here because at least you know it's not your actual mom. I feel like I'd be able to move on from the experience pretty quickly

>>8620
I would love to have sex with my mom so this is an easy pick for me

>>8776
I want to have sex with your mom

>>8778
yeah man me too that's what I said

>>8778
>>8781

bros, count me in
>>8776 mom is hot I want in on the action too

My moms dead but if I have to choose id have sex with a skeleton that looks like her

Id wait until she rots into a skeleton though Idk how long that takes

Would you rather....

A. Lick her sweaty, hairy armpits after shooting a long video in her hot room. This will only take about 2 minutes

B. Lick clean her dirty feet. This would take about 10 minutes HOWEVER her feet may have traces of Bandit piss/poo from her not cleaning it up properly in her bath tub.

>>8821
I want 3 hours with Ashley's sweet armpits please

Would you rather....

A. Lick up Ashley's husband's room temp cum off of her walls, posters, and bedsheets. 
(this is a full meal)

B. Electro-shock your cuck cage with a tazer in the parking lot of a fast food dining establishment. 
(Ashley will buy you a meal)

>>8821
Both please

>>8826
Option A
 It ain't my first rodeo with the eating-my-own-cum stallion, chachi 

>>8828
Except Ashley probe she really does have a husband who she gets railed by. Like in real life not pretendo on the internet. So you just agreed to drink a man’s cum lol congrats

>>8829
 I'd rather eat cum than fast food 

>>8830
 I can cum faster than it takes to make a double cheese and some chicky nuggs

>>8821
pits hands down as I am a man of dignified taste and culture
>>8826
B first, then A if it's allowed to choose both options. The cum will be a nice dessert after my burger king fast food deal.

>>8826
Lick ashley's husbands cum because you know ashley aint doing it so might as well treat the man a little

You have to be careful where you shoot your goo. If a gay guy gets it, you get the gay.

>>8834

yeah, you would know all about that huh....

>>8842
Are you hitting on me? Some people learn from the mistakes of others rather than having to learn from their own. I've never wondered what's it's like havin' a ronnee. Speaking of, why haven't any of you thanked Seabee for his service today? It's Memorial Day.

>>8864
The Taliban took over, Seabee should've fought harder. Also, where are the stolen documents?

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>>8864
>>8865
Although I appreciate the sentiment, Memorial Day is set aside to honor the fallen who lost their lives in battle while serving in the military and as you can see I'm very much alive. As an aside I seriously doubt if Memorial Day was meant to honor those who lost their lives  while in the military by being stabbed by a hooker over a price dispute while on deployment in bum fuck Egypt.

Where are the stolen documents? If they were up Schmow Biden's ass he'd know.

Off topic, no one cares .

>>8879
Would you rather thank Seabee for his service or stick your dick in an ant pile? 🐜

>>8882
I’d much rather stick it in an ant pile. Thank you for staying on topic.

>>8879
Would you rather thank Seabee for his service or thank Seabee for his service?

>>8884
I think you would rather go to sleep, good night buddy. 🌙

>>8826
I pick A because you just know shes had to do that before so there is probably traces of her saliva on those cum stained walls, posters and bedsheets


>>8873 lol those guns are wearing hats

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Well? Which one, boys?

>>9134
The girl on the right is only a few lbs over weight o would take either but I really don’t consider her fat

>>9149
Pretty sure the left is a tranny
>rail thin like a lot of trannies
>unnatural over hyper feminine hand pose
>unnatural anime over hyper feminine leg pose
>tranny socks
>wig
>huge hands
>horse face
>male-like flat chest
>v-shaped body
>japanese swimsuit due to anime fetish

You should have posted this in the confessions thread because you said you'd fuck a tranny.

>>9134
Id bingobongor left but would not put cock up ass frfr

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To be fair, Ashley could stand to gain a lb in her butt. I take her to Poundtown and she gulps down my protein shake from my trouser snake, then we pee the showers. "Clean it up, wagie!" she says in passing to the  HamPlanet Fitness feminist who had to witness the rape and now has to wipe down the machine. Then she takes me out to the Stinky Chinky buffet where I show her how I rack plates as she feasts upon egg rolls and my chinky stinks. 💪

>>9153
you know an awful lot about the characteristics of transsexuals...
perhaps there is something in the confessions thread you should confess.

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Who would you rather have cook you a meal and why?

>>10933
>asks for wooden spoon
>gives metal spoon
Lol what a retard. And I thought Asians were supposed to be smart.

>>10934
Asians don't cook with wooden spoons gwai lo. He was looking for the rice cooker.

>>10933
Unironically the retards. 2 out of the 3 had the correct idea and are executing the meal perfectly; with one retard making a mistake, though the mistake will not affect the meal or its taste. Objectively, the tards are more successful in creating a meal. The poor excuse on a woman on the left can't cook, can't clean, and will only look like a zombie from Fallout as she ages and larps as a dinosaur.

>>10933

the girl.
If I wanted a retard to make me food, I would just make it myself

:(

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Which one for you, /ashleyj/? For me, it's sweet mommy gf

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>>14727
that's a tl:dr for me bruh

>>14735
>Antisemitic
>Is a groomer
>Violent Schizophrenic
All sound pretty fucking hot to me

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>>14736
I like them Glamazon too personally

>>14735
dibs on left half plus schizo

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>>14742

Whats the name of this film?

>>14727
I wish I could put all of them in a gas chamber.

>>14727
for me its Dont give a fuck girl.

just the idea of having sex with her and she says stuff "I mean I guess" or a unenthusiastic "haha nice"
plus the "intimidating when mad" part?...BOING! (thats the sound of me getting a boner)

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>>14727
>>14735

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WOULD YOU RATHER

Choice 1
A night with Derricks mother. 
She cant cook very well so you may get hungry during the night but the upside is you will have sex multiple times BUT Derrick will frequently interrupt said sex sessions by knocking on the bedroom door, complaining that he is hungry and that he cant get past E1M1:Hangar in DOOM, potentially temporarily ruining your boner multiple times throughout the night. The door is locked though so he wont be able enter.
oh and also you are guaranteed to get an STD. This STd could be a mild one or it could be one that lasts forever. Its the luck of the raw(dog)

Choice 2
An evening with Linda. 
It might come to a bit of a surprise but turns out, Linda is a pretty damn good cook. She will cook you a nice meal and the two of you will spend the evening watching local cable television station of Minnetonka, Minnesota.
Although throughout the evening, she will constantly berate and belittle you, IF your rizz game is strong enough, you have the potential to have sex with Linda. But Only once and she is very... *ahem* loose down there...
Additionally, at the end of this night, as you head out to catch a taxi ride home, Barry will be coming home from the pub at the exact same time and the two of you will cross paths in the hallway as youre heading out. During this moment, you will have to look at Barry in the eyes and Barry WILL be able to tell if you just fucked his wife or not and this will cause a heart breaking look of deep sadness upon Barry's face that you have to look at and know that you just caused. This imagery cannot be forgotten and will stay with you for the rest of your life

Choice 3
ITS GAMBLING TIME!
This third and final choice is a 50/50 chance to either spend some time with THE Ashley Jones, the globally recognized, world renowned, no longer underage, female comedienne, technology enthusiast, free software advocate HERSELF!... 


...or Chester just straight up repeatedly rapes you.
If you pick this option, you have to flip a coin and post if it landed on Heads or Tails.

IF it lands on Heads then...
You get a PLATONIC date with Ashley. She will cook you one of her vegan meals and afterwards her and you sit on her futa couch and watch Sex Pot (in 3-DDD) and afterwards play some vidya. Again, this is STRICTLY PLATONIC and any attempts to rape have sex with her will result in the massive horse cock dildo spawning immediately and slapping you violently hard, right across the jaw, rattling your tiny little brain and resulting in you getting KTFO (that means Knocked The Fuck Out) and respawning back in your parents basement, never again being to be able to play this "Would You Rather" scenerio ever again.
Secondly, at some point, Bandit will take a very runny shit on the floor that will smell eye watering-lingy awful. But due to years of living with Bandit frequently doing this, Ashley has grown accustomed to this foul and ungodly odour and as a result, it will take a her a while to notice it and clean it up.

IF the coin toss is Tails...
Chester captures you in his van and violently sodomizes you. Since he is a grand master sodomist, you cannot overpower him nor escape him. This painful experience will last for 4hrs and no one will ever believe it happened to you.



So then, which do you choose and why?

>>14735
rolling

I got the nerd>>14735

>>14735
I hate how the feels guy evolved into this weird normie bullshit

>>22605
Sir, the section regarding me is NOT true to life. If my dog smeared his feces on the carpet, I would notice right away and make an effort to clean it. But the catch is that it would take me FOREVER to clean because carpet is truly the worst type of flooring one could choose from. I am a reformed grubby (grubby person) and am proud to say that I am 1 year clean. Clean meaning making the effort to be very tidy. I often clean but not to the point of being obsessive, just maintenance.

I fed Bandit 3 a chimichanga from Dollar Tree the other day and he had the most awful rancid farts for hours. I tried feeding him more food so that his bowels would work quicker and he'd dump out that changa so I would stop smelling it process inside of him. It was really awful, but I'll probably buy him another chimichanga again.

>>22605
All these bitches look the same.

>>9134
This starved anorexic tranny is hideous goddamn, the woman on the right isnt that fat

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>>22623
The girl on the right is perfect. She's ready to get plapped and 'pregnated.

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>>22624
Are you sure you’re not gay?

>>22629
Why don't you come over here and give me a kiss so I can find out you filthy queer. I wonder if it would arouse me to kiss your masculine but surprisingly soft lips you fucking faggot. Maybe I'd even get a boner if you held me in your big strong arms. I guess we'll never know until we give it a try, huh, fudgepacker?

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>>22633
Is that what you want me to do to you?

>>22614
Fine!
I guess i adjust MY scenario JUST for you!



Ashley quick to notice the foul odor, jumps up from the couch to clean up the mess. Since it is carpeted flooring, this cleanup takes her FOREVER and because of that you get a good stare at her cute butt.
embarrassed by her animal companions actions, she tries to cover up the lingering smell by talking a lot about throughout the movie. People that constantly talk during a movie are annoying but it may not annoy you, person that is reading this right now.


ok

for me
Its Choice 2. Linda

Firstly I get a good meal
and secondly Im already used to girls mocking me so Im immune to her banter. plus since i have zero rizz I be a douchebag by fucking Barry's wife so I can greet him in the hallway and get a photo and an autograph because Im a BIG BIG fan of Barry 



ok fine I confess.  i only picked picked Linda because I just want to meet the "Bazza"

>>23535
Asses of wal mart

>>23535
There is no way in hell that a human wiener could make it past those cheeks. A horse maybe. But not a human.

>>23563
Thats why phat asses are reserved for big dick men only. The highest of t men are allowed to enter those cheeks.

>>23568
Exactly. High T men will find anything attractive, especially other men

>>23569
Yeah that's likely because they have so much t it's starting to convert to e which means they will soon fully convert to being a woman. Women find men attractive. That's their body's response to having a ton of t.

is it true that girls like big perky tits on a man? I've been taking a lot of E lately (so that I can have more T) and my tits are starting to look really cute and masculine

>>23570
No that’s not how it works. Aromatase is what converts t into e.

high t gave me hard p
bitches be on me
like they on pcp

>>23579
Aromatase is in cum

>>23592
rolling for allison she is a lot like ashley

>>23592
reroll for stephanie she is more like ashley

>>23592
I hope I get one that likes to rape

>>23606
I got a prostitute. Not that great, because rape is free. You have to pay a prostitute. Gay.

>>23606
They got arrested for statutory rape which is rape of a child. They won't have any interest in you.

>>23608
>child
Most statutory rape is of 16-17 year olds who are likely linebackers at their high school.