/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

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For example, this would be a free Cameo to someone who posts, "Please give a motivational speech to me. I lost my job, I'm probably going to have to live out of my car for a few months. I could really use a pick me up."

>>17278
Truly such inspiring words couldn't have come out of anywhere near as remarkable and sweet as your tongue that I got diabetes type 1 and 2 and a heart attack all at the same time from watching it.

Now here's my request deeply rooted from my heart to you: Will you  make a cameo, about procrastination? I always have good ideas and intentions to do something meaningful but I lose interest and motivation mid-way and just give up. I could seriously use your advice and wise words to be a push for me to keep up my efforts. XOXO

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I borrowed your laptop to "work on a school project" and forgot to delete the search history. You confront me later that day about the websites I've been visiting...

>>17277 (OP) 
I forgot how to wipe my ace
I've cameo now

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>>17277 (OP) 
>youre a fat, gay loser that no one loves

wow a free cameo for me? Thankyou Ashley!
I cant afford to buy one since they dont pay much working at the factory making pic related, so thankyou so much. 
This will bring a smile to my face and a welcome distraction to think about as Im getting violently raped in the ass


Well, my once a day piss break is over so its back to the factory line, but Im gonna think of some requests during work.

Can you do Big Smokes order? That would be funny I think.

"’ll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda."

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>>17280

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>>17282
I'm surprised you didnt steal my laptop and sell it for food stamps you freak

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>>17301

Give a shout out to your two holed real female viewers

>>17277 (OP) 
Please give me a resignation cameo for my car sales job. My boss is named Jimmy Ruckford. and he's a manlet.

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>>17303
Egg salad! The way you tried not to laugh when quoting Hillary Cliton was cute but also appeared genuine since everything that old crooked bitch says is a joke. I did take woodworking class in high school where I learned to build a dog house in case my parents kick me out after graduating, so searching a gazebo sounds believable. Unfortunately, I have to dock you points on the corn candy bit since that is the worst candy next to all sorts licorice. I did search if pooping is suppose to hurt, since I read your manifesto entirely while on the toilet one night which resulted in giving myself hemorrhoids. I now limit myself from looking at my phone while on the can. All in all, it was a great cameo. You are such a woman, you go girl!

For the next cameo, can you chew on something, preferably gum or a bag of chips, while speaking closely into the microphone as you guide me through a math question during a test? You don't have to do a real math question since women generally struggle with math, just say things like "OK lemme see...OK...so you carry the 4, OK? and then...add it to 6, OK? Then...you subtract it by 5...." just make it up as you go along.

If that's too much, can you speak to me as if you had throat cancer from smoking too many cigarettes while tucking me into bed? My Mom did this every night before God decided to take her. Thanks! <3

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>>17278
Is this your daily affirmation or your wedding vow? Can you fit your hand inside a Pringles can? I can only fit my penis into one. Once you pop, the fun don't stop.

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>>17312
Speaking of Hillary Clinton, as long as I live I'll never forget what she said about a large population of Americans. I hope to see the day this witch bitch dies an excruciating horrible death.

https://youtu.be/OZHp4JLWjNw

>>17302
And my request died in irony! LOL!
That was really inspiring.
I’ll make sure to write a good review about this later.

>>17315
Hillary made a huge mistake saying crap like that. Those basket of “deplorables” are the same people who could've enabled her chance to sit in the presidential seat. And then they went on to talk about how Trump was dividing the nation as they ridiculed their own fellow countrymen. Bunch of hypocrites.

>>17315
>>17318
I hope you guys know that none of this is organic. You're *supposed* to be upset by her statements. It's pretty basic divide and conquer stuff.

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>>17320
I know the liberal socialists creed is divide and conquer but calling 38 million Americans or so a basket of deplorables tends to unite.

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>>17321
my team good! other team bad!

>>17324
You have friends?

>>17321
One cannot win votes and democratic seats by ridiculing a proportionate number of voters and spewing hatred against the masses.
That only works when you direct your bias and hatred in a failing society against a certain clique. That small clique could be people of supposed or actual high power who tend to be opaque and unknown to society, usually people of great wealth who hold the capital, and such.

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>>17277 (OP) 
Ooh, cameo. I’ll give you an idea based on the recent huge success that happened in runet related to this format. His name is Igor Vihorkov, and he became popular thanks to the fact that he farts into the camera and makes money doing this kind of cameo. Let me list some of his repertoire: he addresses a person by first and last name and farts into the camera, and then declares that this is now his new “atmospheric name.” He turns to the viewer and gives “homework”, after which he farts into the camera and adds what needs to be solved in this homework. He keeps a vlog report on each of his trips to the toilet, and calls the result “brown snake №.” Well, he uploads other videos with discussions about shit, genitals, faggots and all sorts of other things, its too many to list.
Here is his channel - https://www.youtube.com/@user-be5ll1sd3x/videos

>>17337
Is this Derrick's grandpa?

>>17277 (OP) 
This is my second cameo request since it’s free <3
Ashley I feel unloved and neglected in my life, even though I’m surrounded by people who say they love me but I feel their love is untrue. Either they’re lying to me or our definition of love is not the same. I’d really appreciate it if you said a kind word to me. Something to cheer me up in these hard times. Thank you.

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>>17337
Spasibo, Tovarish
That really killed the boner I had as I’m getting out of the car rn and didn’t want to look awkward.
Maybe post some premium T&A instead of Baba yaga, otherwise I’ll report you to the local commissariat for demoralizing reproduction 
 and sabotaging fertility rates.

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>>17359
No no, you misunderstood me, i didn’t want to terrorize anyone i just wanted to subtly hint at what i would like to see in Ashley’s cameo. Here, I will fulfill your demand in fact, if anything, this is also a small hint for Ashley, please do not send on a bottle, comrade major.

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>>17362
My man kingassripper does it better

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Please, if you will, some encouraging words to help me stop fapping my time away on the internet in order to increase the chances of putting my penis inside an actual vagina in 2024. Or to be like a productive member of society or whatever... but mainly just for the previous point let's be honest.

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>>17312
>The way you tried not to laugh when quoting Hillary Cliton was cute but also appeared genuine since everything that old crooked bitch says is a joke
That's because as I was saying it I realized I attributed the quote to the wrong person, and then I also got the quote itself wrong heh.

Anyways, even though I'm really bad at math, I'm still able to do really basic stuff.

"Hi this is Ashley Jones, I'm pissing and shitting and cumming. This one's for Sigourney Weaver and the Alien army. I am the cumlord. Rachel Zoe is a better female. She loves to drink milk. She is so strong and sexy. I'm going to take a shit now. Fucker."

Your best Gilbert Gottfried impression would be a huge plus.

Can you please do a cameo where you try to convince a tomboy that she will never be a real man and to accept her true tomboy identity instead?

>>17391
not the requester but this is some really nice ASMR, really gives me the tingles when you bite into dem pringles

Request:
My wife's son's 7th birthday is coming up and he is a big, big fan of Chester.
he watches Art with Chester every morning and says when he is older, he wants to be an artist just like Chester.

It would make him so happy if you could get Chester to wish him a happy birthday massage
his name is Fred.

ps. since your ass at maths, if he is 6 that means this upcoming birthday will make Fred 7 years old

>>17399
>get Chester to wish him a happy birthday massage

MESSAGE!!!! omg fuck! not massage!

seriously, a message, please not a massage. my wife's son and I already not bonding very well, and if i screw this up Im gonna lose a lot of step dad points

>>17391
I would give my left nut just to have a class with Ash back in the day, I mean the shit we'd come up with would just be a fuckin' RIOT. lub u ash<3

>>17391
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjBswOwKSnk
This scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off except I want you to play the part (and look the part) of Charlie Sheen telling me I outta spend a little less time wondering what your brother does.

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>>17392

>>17391
This is an old video, right? RIGHT?!

>>17391
>>17408
Im glad Im not the only one who thought that as well.
it looks like a video she made back in 2015 not 2024

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my request is that you say { F.I.A is the leetest gang in the cyber hood and is in everyones walls glowies be warned }

An alarm clock sound would be awesome. Something like “You need to wake up, it’s time to go to work you lazy retard. You gotta make us some money so we can feed our autistic children, you deadbeat.”

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>>17391
>tfw the cookie joke sets in

>>17391
>and they're all on a train 
heh...

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>>17304

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Dearest Father,

You asked me recently why I maintain that I am afraid of you. As usual, I was unable to think of any answer to your question, partly for the very reason that I am afraid of you, and partly because an explanation of the grounds for this fear would mean going into far more details than I could even approximately keep in mind while talking. And if I now try to give you an answer in writing, it will still be very incomplete, because, even in writing, this fear and its consequences hamper me in relation to you and because the magnitude of the subject goes far beyond the scope of my memory and power of reasoning.

>>17432
iktf bro

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>>17391
Well done! I like how you were fully immersed in the role with the use of pen and paper as prop material and not only looked sincere by giving me strong eye contact throughout the video but also sounded genuinely concern about my education and how it will impact my future post-graduation. I watched your video again but with one headphone on and cranked up the volume so I can listen to the crunching sounds as you consumed those tasty chips as if you were right here next to me. Because of this, I rate the audio a 10/10. 

The picture quality of the video was also crisp just like those chips and the camera work made it feel like I was in the remedial classroom with you as you guided me through the math question I was struggling with. I even pulled my computer monitor closer towards me on an angle so your face was close to mine to make the experience feel even more authentic. To be honest, I may have felt a bit shy and nervous since your salty lips were so close to the camera that it caused me to break eye contact for a brief moment and begin daydreaming about our future together rather than my own. This was suddenly interrupted by your cough that resulted in a piece of chip falling onto my assignment in which you kindly removed by using your mouth as a Dyson vacuum cleaner to clear the partially consumed snack which inevitably left grease stains as a reminder that you cared for me. Because of this, I rate the video quality and presentation a 10/10. 

The length of this clip was also quite generous considering people don't normally give me any attention, so it made me feel acknowledged and worthy of your time which I am grateful for. 

Overall, it was an excellent cameo and I appreciate the time and effort you put into creating it not only for my own viewing pleasure but for others around the globe. Thank you :)

Now do one about me stealing your underwear. If you don't wear any, then do one with Taz teaching about the birds and the bees. I unfortunately missed that subject in health class since I was too busy getting high behind the bleachers with my late Afro-American friend Damien Evander-Tyson Williams III AKA "Slurpee" (picrel) who passed away after accidentally flashing his firearm one night inside a Vietnam veteran's convenience store in the Mexican part of town. RIP brother.

Cheers!

>>17458
>cranked up the volume so I can listen to the crunching sounds as you consumed those tasty chips
anon she clearly stated she was eating a tuna sandwich

>>17481
>she was eating a tuna sandwich

and eating a tuna sandwich is slang for performing cunnilingus

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>>17402
Sure, that would probably only have happened if you were a few years younger than me, because I was in Freshman math in Junior year. Our math classes were held in these trailer-type things. It was like some weird slave camp - which "education" basically is.

>>17406
If they re-did Two and a Half Men in 2023, of course it would be with black people. So would they call it ⅗ Men?

>>17418
This is a good idea, I'll do a few more this week.

>>17458
Thank you for the in-depth review of my Cameo. But as the other anon said, I'm not sure where you got the idea I was eating chips. I was eating a tuna sandwich and I suggest you open a can of tuna as you watch that video to become even more immersed. The only thing I wish I could add to that teacher cameo is when teachers squat next to you as they help another student, which means you get a face full of 50-year-old overweight nasty teacher ass in your face. But seeing as I'm not 50 nor overweight, it wouldn't have the desired effect.

>>17497
I was put into the education pods in 4th grade. Worst experience of my life, I live in the south. Good luck staying warm in the winter and cool in the spring. Worst year of my life. I also broke my thumb during Gym  class and no one believed me that same year. It wasn't until the end of the day when I found that it was too painful to write. So broken writing hand and education pods. It was a very defining experience in my life looking back.

Sorry to go off topic, but this post brought back memories.

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>>17497
Yes, slave camp just about sums it up. Slaves were whipped and so were we. If my buddy and I messed up in class the priest had a one inch dowel about four foot long and we would be told to hold out our hand and make a fist and the priest would smack us on the knuckles with the dowel. What would really piss off the priests is if you didn't wince and just look at them with the expression that said, "is that all you got" Certainly wasn't Fast  Times at Ridgemont High, heh,heh.

>>17502
Damn those jews really did a number on catholics huh

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>>17503
no doubt

>>17497
>I was in Freshman math in Junior year.
can someone translate what this means?

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>>17505
no

>>17505
She only knows how to do math with a calculator

>>17506
classic american response right there!
>>17507
oh i meant whats the difference between a junior year and a freshman year

so I looked it up...
Junior year is year 11 in highschool. Why is it called junior year if its the second last year before year 12/the final year? theres nothing junior about that... stupid fat americans

so basically Ashley was in year 7 maths class when she was in year 11? that makes sense. Unlike the term junior year for your second last year of secondary school

>>17509
Freshman year is "year 9", tard.

>>17510
??????
then what is year 7 called?!?! (your first year of high school)

>>17504
The lengths cut men will go to pleasure themselves...

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Junior year (3rd year) was the best. The freshman and the sophomores looked up to you and you didn't yet start wondering what the hell kind of job you're going to get  like the seniors had to concern themselves with because non vocational high schools didn't prepare you for shit  unless you went to a vocational high school. Everyone looked down on the guys that went to a vocational high school like they were knuckle draggers but they learned a trade and are now pulling in big money.

>>17509
>classic american response right there!
lol glad you got what I was going for
>theres nothing junior about that
I said the same thing to the cops when I was dating a high school junior and they disagreed
>>17511
>then what is year 7 called?!?! (your first year of high school)
I suspect that you just pretend to be retarded sometimes. In case you're actually retarded though, "year 7" isn't high school. High school in murica: 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th grade.
>>17512
lol
>>17513
Tyfys. When I was in high school there was this chad senior guy dating this ridiculously cute freshman girl. We weren't in the era where everyone would call him a pedophile but people definitely talked a bit. I'm guessing he was 18 and she was 14. She was clearly super infatuated with him too, you know he was slaying that young freshman cheerleader pussy constantly. I was extremely jealous because the only thing I was slaying at the time were dwemer centurions and filthy n'wahs in the elder scrolls III: morrowind. It's all good though because as I mentioned earlier I did eventually manage to snag some illegal high school slazz but boy let me tell you it's stressful. Always looking over your shoulder and shit. I don't know how chester does it.

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>>17517
Good on you, at least you had girls in your high school. I had to go to an all boys Catholic high school, no girls, might just as well have been been a prison.

>>17518
any dudes ever get caught doing gay shit?

I always hated penis inspection day at school.

I failed penis inspection day Ashley pls help

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Tell a sp00ky story in the dark with a flashlight held under your face like picrel. I'm currently backed up so the more sp00ky the easier for me to go d00kie.

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>>17528
>>17529
>when i enter the room and its penis inspection week

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>>17527
The only thing I remember as a freshman, the gym teacher placed his hands on my hips to measure me for a jock strap which I thought was kind of weird.

>>17540
This probably isn't so bad, unless he like gripped your hips and started thrusting into your butthole, then that might be kinda gay (tyfys)

>>17277 (OP) 
I have anal fishers and have for almost a year now. They really hurt sometimes but itch especially. Sometimes it hurts when I shit and I basically just wipe blood. Most of the time I wipe shit with a spec or two of blood. Sometimes when I wipe my ass it feels really good tho but that's probably just me being a fag. They do itch when I'm outside and that's annoying cus it's not like I can just reach around and itch the inside of my ass in public.

>>17543
Just stop letting people fish there.

>>17533
How many of them are on their period in this?

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Can you tell me why I should buy the “Badass Foreskin Restoration” Book? The blurb has not convinced me.

>>17543
Is this a confession or a cameo you want her to say word for word?

My son Derrick has always been a strange boy, but his behavior has gotten particularly worse recently ever since his grandma's death due to a boba tea drinking queer.
All he does is stay in his room playing computer games like modded Doom or obsessing over William Shatner's feet. his grades have gotten even worse and all he wants to eat are cheese sticks, which he still hasnt learned to make yet and i have to make them and that means I keep getting interrupted while Im in the middle of my work!
Ashley Jones, as a busy business woman who works from home and has business clients cumming and going at all sorts of hours. I simply just dont have the time to go and talk to him and motivate him to get out more, could you give him some sort motivational speech? he has mentioned a girl at school that he has a crush on, named Luna. Maybe some advice on getting her to be his girlfriend? 
Watching reruns of Dr. Phil and Judge Judy havent helped at all and Im all out of options! Please help my son!


Derrick's Mother.
 xoxo

>>17652
Yo bitch
I ain’t payin yo skinny white ass to be textin when weez doin it n shiet.
At least keep yo eye contact when youz ridin muh big ol’ dick.

>>17655
Mr. Glitta please, not in public!
(Im so sorry, I'll get back to work)
*gluck*
*gluck*
*gluck*
*gluck*
*gluck*

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>>17670
>glucky gluck

bump

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>>18006

>>18049
omfg

Ashley I need my alarm clock

>>18483
RIP poor anon never woke up



I have a umm, friend, who keeps trying to get GETs on this little image board dedicated to a mtf tranny.
Thing is, he keeps failing at them. With last two recent attempts being spectacular, colossal fails.


Could you give him some motivational works or even some advice on getting better at GETs?

>>21008
>motivational works
*words

Tuck me into bed Ashley :3

Make a video of you trying to fit the horse dildo in your mouth. I bet you cant!

>>21056
>I bet you cant!
This isn't the youtube comments section of a 9 year old doing a try-on haul

>>21057
KEK

>>21056
Not without dislocating your jaw.

Speaking of horse dildos, imagine going antiquing with this chick. Double the holes double the profit as Barry would say.

>>21008
I'm literally still asleep and will not wake up until Ashley wakes me.

It's like a really fucked up version of Sleeping Beauty

>>21060
I'm gonna be honest. I saw the socks, I saw the tutu and as well as the general color scheme and thought it was a a cute estrogen infused femboy with a 3 inch pee pee locked in a pink chastity cage. Then i saw the gaping, gooey maw she probably calls a vagina and almost threw up. Why do I always get my hopes up.

>>21070
I'm sorry to disappoint anon. Maybe it's less revolting if you try to think of it as Barry's post-op neovagina and all the geodes it could hold.

Ashley, would you do a cameo on how you would love to make a collaborative YouTube video with Rose.

>>28086
>Ashley, would you do a cameo on how you would love to make a collaborative YouPorn video with Rose.
ftfy

>>28088
Thanks!
Ashley, would you do a cameo on how you would love to make a collaborative YouPorn/PornHub/XVideos/xHamster/OnlyFans video with Rose?

Need moar cameos and pexel pics.

read me a bedtime story mommy

Hey Ashley 
I don't need motivational gogogaga cameo
I want real shit .... I mean not the shit
But 
> Guided meditation cameo

Record yourself doing a pushup

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>>28148
She already did. See hangout Black Lives Tell Lies 16:43

>>28163
That was almost a decade ago. If you don't use it, you lose it. I need to know if Ashley can carry a baby.

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>>28163

>>17277 (OP) 
>pringles
>good
absolutely disgusting goyslop

>>28193
I only eat the pizza flavored ones.

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>>28194
disgusting, these are the only good potato chips in the world.

>>28163
Dang bro, you're like a walking AJ Wikipedia.
https://invidious.incogniweb.net/watch?v=hErZLQ8ttrE&t=1003s

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>>17277 (OP) 
This Mexican Woman uploads videos of herself farting every single day on Loyal Fans.You should get in touch wit her and do a collab.

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>>28193
based food take
potato chips are a good example of food that you can buy the cheapest brand and they taste just as good if not better then overpriced ones like Pissngles
picrelated, these niggas taste better then any big named brand chips

>>17277 (OP) 
oh Cameos... it was my birthday about a month ago. I wasnt able to celebrate it because i was in jail. Now that Im out, could you wish me a happy birthday?

>>28221
>pringles bad
>getting raped by a large inmate
You shoulda got the chair

>>28221
>potato chips are a good example of food that you can buy the cheapest brand and they taste just as good if not better then overpriced ones like Pissngles
That's not true and Pringles aren't potato chips, they are crackers. Pringles are way better than than cheaper imitation Pringles like Super Stack at Dollar Tree.

Besides being mostly nitrogen in the bag and them lying about the amount of chips in the bag, what I hate about potato chip producers now is that they promote their products solely to kpop fans and wetbacks. Not everyone wants to eat fucking hotchips. Chili & lime flavor is tolerable at best. We should continue talking about potato chips in the food thread.